Erebus
Well-Known Member
I've been thinking recently about the "think of the children" argument that crops up from time to time and I reckon I've found a good middle ground that will work for everybody. Why don't we just ban children?
Think about it, without children the hyper moral nannies of the world wouldn't have a leg to stand on. We wouldn't have to ban anything in case a child catches a glimpse of it and immediately transforms into Jeffrey Dahmer because there wouldn't be any children around. This is just the tip of the iceberg, allow me to show you some of the ways in which banning children will improve the world.
No more babies on planes. Everybody hates sitting near a shrieking, stinking little subhuman on a cramped plane. The ban on children will eliminate this entirely.
Christmas will be a hell of a lot cheaper. Instead of buying your little brat a pile of toys you can spend your money on something interesting like cigars, whiskey or sex toys.
Your house will never reek of vomit, faeces and off milk again... unless you're into that sort of thing.
Overpopulation will no longer be a threat. Without children constantly draining resources humanity can avoid that bleak day in which it has to form into cannibalistic tribes in order to survive. Saying NO to children is saying NO to post-apocalyptic cannibals.
No more children's TV. All those brightly coloured abominations would make way for more programmes about murder, sodomy and interesting things like that.
No more paedophiles. If you oppose the ban on children you're supporting the paedophiles. You monster.
No more children on bicycles bumping into you and scratching your car.
No more teenage temper tantrums and god-awful whining "music". Everybody will be an adult and as such will be less angsty and better conversationalists.
No more child exploitation. Think of the children.
I honestly can't think of any reason why children haven't been banned already, it's just all benefits with no negatives if we got rid of them. Please, if you're a decent, moral human being who is opposed to the atrocities associated with letting children exist then write to your MPs, to your politicians and to anybody who'll listen and get them to enforce the ban on children.
BAN CHILDREN, DON'T SUPPORT PAEDOPHILIA!
Think about it, without children the hyper moral nannies of the world wouldn't have a leg to stand on. We wouldn't have to ban anything in case a child catches a glimpse of it and immediately transforms into Jeffrey Dahmer because there wouldn't be any children around. This is just the tip of the iceberg, allow me to show you some of the ways in which banning children will improve the world.
No more babies on planes. Everybody hates sitting near a shrieking, stinking little subhuman on a cramped plane. The ban on children will eliminate this entirely.
Christmas will be a hell of a lot cheaper. Instead of buying your little brat a pile of toys you can spend your money on something interesting like cigars, whiskey or sex toys.
Your house will never reek of vomit, faeces and off milk again... unless you're into that sort of thing.
Overpopulation will no longer be a threat. Without children constantly draining resources humanity can avoid that bleak day in which it has to form into cannibalistic tribes in order to survive. Saying NO to children is saying NO to post-apocalyptic cannibals.
No more children's TV. All those brightly coloured abominations would make way for more programmes about murder, sodomy and interesting things like that.
No more paedophiles. If you oppose the ban on children you're supporting the paedophiles. You monster.
No more children on bicycles bumping into you and scratching your car.
No more teenage temper tantrums and god-awful whining "music". Everybody will be an adult and as such will be less angsty and better conversationalists.
No more child exploitation. Think of the children.
I honestly can't think of any reason why children haven't been banned already, it's just all benefits with no negatives if we got rid of them. Please, if you're a decent, moral human being who is opposed to the atrocities associated with letting children exist then write to your MPs, to your politicians and to anybody who'll listen and get them to enforce the ban on children.
BAN CHILDREN, DON'T SUPPORT PAEDOPHILIA!
