Christians and Jews

[Rival]

This is a joke.

Christians: Do you think the liturgy is too long?
Jews: Shacharit is 288 pages.

Christians: Do you think there's too much genuflection and crossing oneself?
Jews: Which shoe do I put on first?

Jews: I can't remember the names of all these Rabbonim!
Christians: Our Kalendar literally doesn't have enough days for all the saints and I've already forgotten half of them.

Jews: Get smashed at Purim, I mean like just go mental with wine for the night.
Christians: It's Christmas lads, 12 days of nonstop boozing and brunching.

Jews: I wish the publishers would make this prayerbook more accessible, its so complicated to have to flip through.
Christians: So with the Missal you start at the beginning for the ordinary of the Mass, then flip to page 200 for the daily collect, then you go to page 42 for the office of the Mass and pages 300-352 for special prayers and saints' days, then you go to the back for post Eucharistic prayer. Simple.

Christians: Do you think I'm dressed well for church?
Jews: How do I even wear all that at once.

Christians: God: For whosever believeth in me shall not perish but have everlasting life.
Jews: God: Accept it or I'll drop a mountain on you all, you stiff-necked brazen bull-worshippers. Man all the stuff I do for you, and you don't even keep the Sabbath I mean come on it's not even....

 

[Spiderman]

I like the quote from God at the end. Totally his charactar.

like God in another choice of words "let my people go....I lead my people out of Egypt, love them so much, am such a hero, then change my mind, tell Moses I'm going to murder more than 99% of the Jews in the wilderness, and the only thing that stops me is Moses telling me repeatedly I'm an idiot" (with a different choice of words)....

I love Israel so much, God is love! It's why I have so many friends, more intelligent than anyone,


....oh wait, I told Moses I "repented of evil" because he had a better idea!"...

Exodus 32:14 ►

And the LORD repented of the evil which he thought to do unto his people.

I guess "Moses is more holy than God, God repents of evil because Moses proved God's plans suck, God is a sinner", oops!

 

[PoetPhilosopher]

Jews: We don't believe in Jesus.

Christians: We believe in Jesus alright. We just ignore his teachings for Paul's.

 

[Brickjectivity]

Once upon a time there were three bears: A Muslim bear, A Christian bear and a Jewish bear. They lived in the woods not far from the home of Goldilocks: a girl with amazing hair but not much sense. Her mother told her not to stray to far from home, but one day she did. She strayed too far and also got lost and couldn't find her way home. For hours she walked and walked, and the sun began to set in the sky. Goldilocks was hungry and afraid she might have to sleep in the dark on the ground where it was damp, and there were beginning to be skittering noises, hoots and croaks and growls and strangled screams. Gnats were biting, and she was itchy and tired. She began to cry a little, but just as her hope ran out she saw a lighted window. It was the home of the three bears.

She waited for a very long time, peering into the window looking to see who might live there; but she didn't see anyone. Apparently the occupants were out. She decided to go in and wait for them. Perhaps they would give her something to eat and help her find her house. She walked to the door and slowly opened it, shoulders tensed and ears pricked, ready to run if she heard anything scary like a growling dog. She heard nothing, so she stepped in. Once inside she could hear that the TV had been left on the Hallmark Channel.

The Hallmark Channel! Noooooo! Goldilocks grabbed a few water bottles and bolted out the front door. She would tough it out in the woods.

 

[Brickjectivity]

Sorry, but I couldn't think of how to end the story; so I Kubrick'd it.

 

[Glaurung]

Christians: So with the Missal you start at the beginning for the ordinary of the Mass, then flip to page 200 for daily collect, then you go to page 42 for the office of the Mass and pages 300-352 for special prayers and saints' days, then you go to the back for post Eucharistic prayer. Simple.

As an altar server this hit home.

 

[nPeace]

Jew: God calls us stiff-necked, unfaithful, wayward... but really, it's the other way around.
God: Is my way not adjusted right? Really? Tell you what... Let's see you live out your days in peace.

Christian: Yeah God. You tell 'em.

 

[Rachel Rugelach]

Christian: I try to follow the 10 Commandments, but a couple of them are really difficult!
Jew: Oy, you think you've got it tough? We've got 613 Commandments!