Coming out as a non Christian

[Mark Charles Compton]

I was asked if I still believed in God... Which I am still uncertain and answered as such.

Now days I do express a belief in a higher power. (Edit: though admittedly with a 'grain of salt' of skepticism.) However, I denounce the organized religions of the world, and try to promote personal responsibility and self-improvement in the scope of social wellbeing, regardless of individual beliefs.

 

[ppp]

Hey, if you were from a Christian household and are no longer a Christian, how'd it go over with your family when you told them you weren't Christian ?
You see, thanksgiving is coming up and my family is super Christian. Can't tell my grandma that I'm not Christian anymore,can't do that to her poor heart and make her believe I'm gonna burn forever.
Rest of the family, though, I'd like to tell. I can see them laying hands on me (in prayer) and tongue speaking the non Christian out of me.
Tell me how it went over for you!

Do you need to tell them?

 

[an anarchist]

Do you need to tell them?

I don't need to, I have the itch to do so though. Perhaps best to keep it to myself though.i dunno, spirituality is a major part of who I am and id like to share that with my spiritual family, though they may reject mine.

 

[Mark Charles Compton]

Do you need to tell them?

I would presume the option or ability to keep it from them is unlikely to nil, purely based on the existence of this thread.

In my experience, regardless of import or truth, information that is voluntarily shared has a higher proclivity for being accepted voluntarily. Information that is forced onto an unwilling individual, it will initially be repulsed, followed by a lingering aversion. Information that is withheld, once discovered, poses a potential to be misinterpreted, rarely beneficially.

 

[Mark Charles Compton]

I don't need to, I have the itch to do so though. Perhaps best to keep it to myself though.i dunno, spirituality is a major part of who I am and id like to share that with my spiritual family, though they may reject mine.

You know the situation and relationships of the people involved better than any of us on this forum, first and foremost. That being said, I find the views and experiences revealed by the individuals in the following posts to be the most potent:

Honestly, if I could do it over again, I wouldn't have ever come out as no longer Christian. Instead, I would have kept it to myself unless they directly asked my thoughts about something, and that's when I would answer them honestly.

I told them as it became relevant. If they brought up Christian themes and applied it to me, I let them know that didn't work anymore.

And I wouldn't announce my atheism if I were in your shoes. Just make it casually as if it weren't a big deal and only if the topic comes up.

Don't be outright forthcoming, but if the conversation naturally flows towards that topic, do not withhold. Again, you know the situation, we do not. Trust your gut?

However you do it I am sure you will do it with kindness and gentleness. Those are both Christian and non-Christian virtues.

I would also like to shoutout post #14 by @lewisnotmiller. This had a lot of similarity to my experience, and I would hope it to be the most common scenario. Not everyone completely ecstatic over the development, but still the same family as always. The bonds that hold us together aren't dependent on whatever deities we choose to worship or ignore as individuals, rather they rely on how we accept and cherish one another.

Everyone

 

[Erebus]

Tell me how it went over for you!

I was in my teens and did it in perhaps the worst possible way. I went hard into what you might call New Atheism and I was utterly obnoxious. I checked a lot of the boxes for the New Atheist stereotype if I'm honest:

Anybody who believes in God is a moron
Christians are all hypocrites
If you can't prove God exists, you shouldn't believe in him
For good people to do evil - that takes religion
The world would be better off without religion and theism

Basically, I was rude, combative and had an incredibly simplistic view of both religion and theism. Had I not been like that, none of my family (with the possible exception of one grandparent who I never saw anyway) would have cared that I wasn't a Christian.

I get on well with all of them now though and any discussions we have about religion are friendly.

I know that there are plenty of people who live in families where leaving Christianity would be a big deal and could even result in relationships breaking down completely. There's not much advice I can give to somebody in that situation other than this: Doing what I did will definitely make things worse.

 

[PureX]

Hey, if you were from a Christian household and are no longer a Christian, how'd it go over with your family when you told them you weren't Christian ?
You see, thanksgiving is coming up and my family is super Christian. Can't tell my grandma that I'm not Christian anymore,can't do that to her poor heart and make her believe I'm gonna burn forever.
Rest of the family, though, I'd like to tell. I can see them laying hands on me (in prayer) and tongue speaking the non Christian out of me.
Tell me how it went over for you!

Why do you feel the need to tell them anything? Even if they ask, you don't have to answer. Just say you've decided that it's your own business.

 

[PureX]

I was in my teens and did it in perhaps the worst possible way. I went hard into what you might call New Atheism and I was utterly obnoxious. I checked a lot of the boxes for the New Atheist stereotype if I'm honest:

Anybody who believes in God is a moron
Christians are all hypocrites
If you can't prove God exists, you shouldn't believe in him
For good people to do evil - that takes religion
The world would be better off without religion and theism

Basically, I was rude, combative and had an incredibly simplistic view of both religion and theism. Had I not been like that, none of my family (with the possible exception of one grandparent who I never saw anyway) would have cared that I wasn't a Christian.

I get on well with all of them now though and any discussions we have about religion are friendly.

I know that there are plenty of people who live in families where leaving Christianity would be a big deal and could even result in relationships breaking down completely. There's not much advice I can give to somebody in that situation other than this: Doing what I did will definitely make things worse.

This post makes me proud to be a human. Thank you.

 

[Colt]

Hey, if you were from a Christian household and are no longer a Christian, how'd it go over with your family when you told them you weren't Christian ?
You see, thanksgiving is coming up and my family is super Christian. Can't tell my grandma that I'm not Christian anymore,can't do that to her poor heart and make her believe I'm gonna burn forever.
Rest of the family, though, I'd like to tell. I can see them laying hands on me (in prayer) and tongue speaking the non Christian out of me.
Tell me how it went over for you!

Maybe go to thanksgiving and not make it all about you?

Look what happened that time that Jesus told his fellow Jews that he was the Son of God? But in the case of Jesus, he couldn't very well keep it a secret. It sort of slowly came out but the result was the same.

 

[mangalavara]

I told them as it became relevant. If they brought up Christian themes and applied it to me, I let them know that didn't work anymore. Or, perhaps I had a non-Christian religious event to talk about... it came up that way.

That’s kind of what I did. Like you, I did not make any formal announcements. After my parents heard me say certain things for a few weeks, my father asked me one day, ‘You are a Hindu now, right?’ I nodded in reply.

 

[ppp]

I don't need to, I have the itch to do so though. Perhaps best to keep it to myself though.i dunno, spirituality is a major part of who I am and id like to share that with my spiritual family, though they may reject mine.

Only you can answer that, of course. We all have the urge to have the people we care about see us as our authentic selves. And that is most certainly a good thing. Personally, I never discussed my deconversion with my parents till a few years ago. It wasn't that important an aspect of who I am. At least not until I had to start defending my godkids' education from religious encroachment. I just didn't discuss it until then.

Which turned out to be a shame. I finally discussed it with my dad a few years ago, and found out that he is one of those non-believers who felt isolated; like he is the only one in a sea of believers. Had I reached out earlier, I might have been able to lend him more support decades earlier. Which is to say that maybe, if you are not dependent on your family, that you should let people know. Just don't try to force change.

 

[ppp]

I would presume the option or ability to keep it from them is unlikely to nil, purely based on the existence of this thread.

Simply not discussing it would keep it from them. People will assume what they wish to believe.

In my experience, regardless of import or truth, information that is voluntarily shared has a higher proclivity for being accepted voluntarily. Information that is forced onto an unwilling individual, it will initially be repulsed, followed by a lingering aversion. Information that is withheld, once discovered, poses a potential to be misinterpreted, rarely beneficially.

I am not sure that you said quite what you meant. One can voluntarily share information, and the recipient of that information can still be unwilling and feel forced.

 

[Saint Frankenstein]

Hey, if you were from a Christian household and are no longer a Christian, how'd it go over with your family when you told them you weren't Christian ?
You see, thanksgiving is coming up and my family is super Christian. Can't tell my grandma that I'm not Christian anymore,can't do that to her poor heart and make her believe I'm gonna burn forever.
Rest of the family, though, I'd like to tell. I can see them laying hands on me (in prayer) and tongue speaking the non Christian out of me.
Tell me how it went over for you!

I don't see what the point is in telling them, especially over a holiday. It's usually a bad idea to discuss politics and religion over a holiday meal. Do you want to start a fight with your relatives or enjoy drama?

 

[Wandering Monk]

Hey, if you were from a Christian household and are no longer a Christian, how'd it go over with your family when you told them you weren't Christian ?
You see, thanksgiving is coming up and my family is super Christian. Can't tell my grandma that I'm not Christian anymore,can't do that to her poor heart and make her believe I'm gonna burn forever.
Rest of the family, though, I'd like to tell. I can see them laying hands on me (in prayer) and tongue speaking the non Christian out of me.
Tell me how it went over for you!

Don't bring it up. No need to be missionary about this type of thing.

If they want to go on the offensive, ignore it.

 

[ppp]

I don't need to, I have the itch to do so though. Perhaps best to keep it to myself though.i dunno, spirituality is a major part of who I am and id like to share that with my spiritual family, though they may reject mine.

One thing that I will add - if you do feel the need to tell them, then figure out who you specifically want to tell, and tell them in a one on one situation where they are free to leave. Don't make it a big deal or a momentous pronouncement. I agree with @Saint Frankenstein that holiday meal announcements will only create drama with little meaningful return.

 

[PearlSeeker]

Hey, if you were from a Christian household and are no longer a Christian, how'd it go over with your family when you told them you weren't Christian ?
You see, thanksgiving is coming up and my family is super Christian. Can't tell my grandma that I'm not Christian anymore,can't do that to her poor heart and make her believe I'm gonna burn forever.
Rest of the family, though, I'd like to tell. I can see them laying hands on me (in prayer) and tongue speaking the non Christian out of me.
Tell me how it went over for you!

I haven't cut my ties with Christian community and rituals but innerly I don't believe anymore. I have carefully mentioned my doubts to my family members a few times. They tried to rebut my reasons but they didn't want to talk much about it. So I don't bring it up unless the conversation turns this way.

 

[Mark Charles Compton]

I am not sure that you said quite what you meant. One can voluntarily share information, and the recipient of that information can still be unwilling and feel forced.

Ya, I could have been clearer. When I say 'volunteered', I mean 'upon request' or 'when inquired'.

 

[ppp]

Ya, I could have been clearer. When I say 'volunteered', I mean 'upon request' or 'when inquired'.

Ah. It depends. In my experience, when a theist inquires of my position on some god belief or moral stance, they are usually looking for confirmation and support. When they do not get it, they will often (though not always) become irritated, acerbic or downright hostile no matter how deferential, polite, or conciliatory I might be in my response. Obviously, this is not always the case. And it has become less of a problem since the Great Shock of the 90's when atheists started writing books and unapologetically showing themselves (again) in what theist considered to be polite society.

I find that one of the best approaches is to in response to a theistic inquiry if ti simply say some variation of, I do not believe that to be true. Then let the theist wear themselves out with their learned litany of loaded questions and insinuations with milquetoast and mater of fact responses. Once they work through their scripted provocations, if they actually want to know what is going on, then they will slowly begin to ask more genuine questions and fewer thinly disguised jibes.

 

[an anarchist]

Hey, if you were from a Christian household and are no longer a Christian, how'd it go over with your family when you told them you weren't Christian ?
You see, thanksgiving is coming up and my family is super Christian. Can't tell my grandma that I'm not Christian anymore,can't do that to her poor heart and make her believe I'm gonna burn forever.
Rest of the family, though, I'd like to tell. I can see them laying hands on me (in prayer) and tongue speaking the non Christian out of me.
Tell me how it went over for you!

2 years later and I still bite my tongue.

I was hanging out with grandma today and I accidentally let it slip that I went to a “non denominational” “spiritual center” and she started lecturing me about how I need to be careful because places like that might not accept Christ as their savior and any spiritual belief system that is not Christ is savior is bad for the mental… it really made me sad to hear her say that. Though I accidentally brought it up, I would love to share with her that I am excitedly going to church. But instead I quickly changed the subject.

 

[shunyadragon]

My situation I consider odd and enlightening concerning the human nature of belief, My family is mostly Irish and Roman Church (RCC) believers, Mostly not really deeply religious, but when I officially left and became a Baha'i the manure hit the fan, and it has never been the same sense. My older sister was fairly observant and raised her family in the Church, was more tolerant of my choice. Apparently I could have been a very bad believer as some of my family were it was okay, but living the fold outright was not tolerated.

Leaving the tribe came at a cost, Since the curtains were pulled away and I faced the reality of relationships and belief over the years I have made a very extensive study of religions and philosophies, and a more in depth study of the nature of belief and why people believe what they do,