Confusion

[preethi01]

Dear all,

I am new to this forum. Happy to see you and need your advice....

I am christian lady, working unmarried in love with a married man muslim....At the start to begin love with conditioned with accepting islam to marry. He is ready to leave his first divorced. I agreed, but at the later stage 1 year i realised i dont want to accept. But i love him so much and dont think of leave him, i too much disturbed. At the same time i dont want to leave christian as i love my god too much.........i informed him that i cant accept, he said he cant marry because two religion people cant stay together which will affect the childrens.

I know i have committed sin by following with married man, its love which is out of anyone hands. and always ask gods blessings......

now i am confused at this stage, he is not in contact with me and i cant just leaving him....

please advice.

 

[angellous_evangellous]

Is English your second language?

 

[NemisisQ]

You seem to have an engima at your hands.
I got a friend, she told me her father left her mother becuz she was a christian, and he was atheist. One thing led to another, and they got seperated becuz of their ethical diffrences. Anyways, your problem has only one, best, and narrow approach, and we both know what that is. My friend said she was glad her father seperated from her mother, cuz she tried to spiritualize her, lol, funny thing religous ppl may do. Religion can be inferior in a couples relationship, that is a fact.

Anyway, love is a complicated thing, especially when it's between 2 ppl with different beliefs, though plz make a decision that you feel comfortable with, without much sacrifices. Personal satisfaction is usually first prioritie, this is pretty much your choice.
... or you could ask me to or others to be frank in this forum, and they might answer you better, and comfortably, cuz im having a hard time thinking this too.

It good to keep this in mind though : In an engagement period, it's a stage where couples learn more about eachother both bad n' good sides, before marrying. So i say if you don't know his bad side, then it's best to just leave it with a divorce. Better than having a suprise outburst from your husband that can quarrel with your relationship with him. Hence the famous line: " Your not the same man i married!!!", somthing like that anyways. Quite famous nowadays too actually, anway it's all your choice.

 

[elmarna]

Mam,
I am married to a very devoute Muslum man. While he is correct in having a concern that there will be fricton in the religious teaching they would follow. I can only say that while you did not find the religious aspects for you...
Could you accept them for the children? many marriage do ok with 2 faiths that differ.
it is when children are added & no foundations on the parents can say -we will show them 2 ways or can not agree that there can be a issue.
It sounds like he wants this marriage to last & while muslum men can marry outside their faith it is best to say that when the value & the beliefs are the same the marriage tends to have less disagreements. My children are being brought up muslum with both parents encourageing it.
For you the choices still need to be weighed & figured out.
What ever you decide do it for your higher good & for your spirits to be lifted!

 

[MissAlice]

I don't know about Muslim but what he says about kids is simply not always true. My dad was an atheist and my mom was a "spiritualist" or someone who believed in God and that there was more than one prophet. Most of us grew up pretty normal. My dad was not what you call a hard core atheist or one who would debate matters with my mom and my mother was the same way. I suppose it depends on the type of people rather than the religious/non religious upbringing per se. Personally never understood this attitude of matrimonies in which two people need to agree with each other both politically and religiously but I guess most of it is due to my upbringing. If it were me, I would not marry in order just to please someone. If you believe in your faith and your religion then perhaps it is not best to be with a person who cannot respect that. I cannot judge his personality all together but being a married man as you put while seeing you kind of sort of seems like a red flag. But that is just my opinion from your post.

 

[Mintz]

In the Qur'an, Allah says muslim men are allowed to marry women among the "People of the Book" meaning Christians or Jews.. because they worship the same God.. So by him saying it won't work is just his personal feeling.

 

[beenie]

Am I the only one who thinks it's awfully hypocritical for this man to worry about what religion his mistress is while cheating on his wife? :sarcastic

Run as fast as you can from this guy and find someone with some morals.

 

[preethi01]

thanks for the people who nicely advice...........

Its always easy to say but difficult to follow, if someone goes through the suffering will understanding this...........i always loved him as human being and not as married man, love can happen with anyone. he says i cheated him at the last stage because i dint wanted to marry him that's why giving excuses....i cant work nor sleep i am feeling i am gone....he dont want to listen nor wants listen to options. Is really quaran says to convert to marry?

 

[waitasec]

"he says i cheated him at the last stage because i dint wanted to marry him"

he sounds like a really selfish person...you can do better.

 

[beenie]

thanks for the people who nicely advice...........

Its always easy to say but difficult to follow, if someone goes through the suffering will understanding this...........i always loved him as human being and not as married man, love can happen with anyone. he says i cheated him at the last stage because i dint wanted to marry him that's why giving excuses....i cant work nor sleep i am feeling i am gone....he dont want to listen nor wants listen to options. Is really quaran says to convert to marry?

Qur'an does not say you have to convert to marry, but your future children should be raised as Muslim.
Ask yourself if you want to marry a cheater. It is almost a guarantee he will cheat on you also. Does he have children with his current wife?

he dont want to listen nor wants listen to options.

He sounds unreasonable and childish. Move on.

 

[preethi01]

Not bad guy, really helpful and loving..........Yes he has two children from his current wife...........6,2. i am not able to judge him now...... i understand for the future children. if god with us..... everything there in our mind, christian or muslim why dont people think from that prospect, its upto a person to make his chrisitan or muslim? why holding religion?

 

[beenie]

With all due respect, are you for real?

 

[preethi01]

what that mean? i am real.....if i am not then i wouldn't have asked for suggestion...................its happened already

 

[waitasec]

somethin's fishy....

 

[beenie]

what that mean? i am real.....if i am not then i wouldn't have asked for suggestion...................its happened already

What I mean is that your story sounds a bit unusual, almost to the point of being ourltrageous.

What self-respecting woman would want to be with a cheating dictator? That's what he is. If this is true, I'm not thrilled he's calling himself a practicing Muslim.

I feel bad for his 6 and 2 year old.

 

[Sahar]

Wow ssainhu, what are yo doing? Calm down a little bit. Inconsiderate words like "mistress", "cheating dictator" and "are you for real" definitely don't help the lady.

Her story happens all the time.

Islamically speaking, a Muslim man can marry a second wife, and he is not considered a "cheating dictator" definitely.

Preethi, following your heart in such situation can lead to many problems.

First, you just can't force yourself to change your religion because of any man. And he shouldn't have asked you this. How can you?

Secondly, such relation would cause much harm to his family, think about the kids, I don't think this would make you happy and it can cause a lot of troubles to you.

Thirdly, you don't know for sure if he would leave his first wife, it is possible that it's a false promise. Do you accept to be a second wife? (This depends on the laws of the country you live in)

I can't tell you what to do since I am not in your difficult position but I know that indulging in such feelings towards a man without thinking, without considering the circumstances and using your mind to assess the man whom you will start a new life with, can make you unhappy.

If you put an end to this relation which wouldn't be easy for you, you could move on and meet the man whom you deserve.

 

[preethi01]

thanks Sahar, that gives me some peace but not all i know i shouldn't have indulge in such relation.......but u cant run away from such situation right, its all comes from the creator i believe and not from man itself I have to come out of this situation otherwise will lose myself....

 

[Sahar]

Yes preethi and you may consider it a test from the Creator; to test your strength. Maybe if you left this relation behind, God is preparing for you a loving husband who won't make things difficult for you and will make you happy...

God be with you and I wish you happiness.

 

[preethi01]

Thanks Sahar for your words i will see how can i handle this situation further........god bless you.........

 

[NemisisQ]

My intuition says to put a danger label on him. Excuse my inconsiderate statement, but im having a hunch about this guy ur talking about.

Anyway, try not to rush to the conclusion, take your time and GLuck to you