Lorgar-Aurelian
Active Member
This is a bit late since day 3 was actually yesterday but I've been having a lot go on.
I couldn't explain to you exactly what changed to make me reconsider all of this but it has indeed changed. Yesterday while reading the bible I just had this sudden desire to try and communicate with God. Why? Like I said I couldn't tell you it was just out of the blue.
The sudden need to pray become surprisingly strong in me and I decided what the heck i'll go for it. It won't hurt anything right? So I got down on my knees ( I decided the way Christians often pray would work well enough since I was reading the bible.) and started to pray. I didn't pray for anything in particular at first I just kind of tried to listen more than anything. I did ask God after a bit to reveal himself somehow and guide me if he was really there.
After praying I just felt good. Just rather at peace. I began reading the bible and seeing more possibilities and in all honesty it was just nice. I've felt a rather strong urge since then to give myself over to the spiritual or just God and for awhile I tried to figure out how that would work out and where I would go.
AT the same time I was considering why I might feel this need to begin with outside of the possibility that God was trying to make contact. Obviously with all the emotional stuff going on in my head from time to time it could be nice to have it feel like there was someone looking out for me. Maybe just being able to trust yourself to someone else lifts a burden from your shoulders. All I know is I didn't have a rational argument for being religious again just a lot of emotional ones.
A few days ago I was talking to someone about a lot of this. Eventually I just said "What is the point of being right if it means you are miserable all the time?" We kind of got into it, well I was more angry than he was but I don't think he realized how much this all meant to me. Eventually he got to more or less saying honesty was better which sounds all well and good when you aren't struggling with finding a point in living. Either way it was just weird.
These last two days have just been a huge wad of confusion. Random religious urges, sudden emotional episodes and all sorts of other junk. I'm honestly not sure how I feel anymore.
I couldn't explain to you exactly what changed to make me reconsider all of this but it has indeed changed. Yesterday while reading the bible I just had this sudden desire to try and communicate with God. Why? Like I said I couldn't tell you it was just out of the blue.
The sudden need to pray become surprisingly strong in me and I decided what the heck i'll go for it. It won't hurt anything right? So I got down on my knees ( I decided the way Christians often pray would work well enough since I was reading the bible.) and started to pray. I didn't pray for anything in particular at first I just kind of tried to listen more than anything. I did ask God after a bit to reveal himself somehow and guide me if he was really there.
After praying I just felt good. Just rather at peace. I began reading the bible and seeing more possibilities and in all honesty it was just nice. I've felt a rather strong urge since then to give myself over to the spiritual or just God and for awhile I tried to figure out how that would work out and where I would go.
AT the same time I was considering why I might feel this need to begin with outside of the possibility that God was trying to make contact. Obviously with all the emotional stuff going on in my head from time to time it could be nice to have it feel like there was someone looking out for me. Maybe just being able to trust yourself to someone else lifts a burden from your shoulders. All I know is I didn't have a rational argument for being religious again just a lot of emotional ones.
A few days ago I was talking to someone about a lot of this. Eventually I just said "What is the point of being right if it means you are miserable all the time?" We kind of got into it, well I was more angry than he was but I don't think he realized how much this all meant to me. Eventually he got to more or less saying honesty was better which sounds all well and good when you aren't struggling with finding a point in living. Either way it was just weird.
These last two days have just been a huge wad of confusion. Random religious urges, sudden emotional episodes and all sorts of other junk. I'm honestly not sure how I feel anymore.
I hope the confusion and emotions ease into something more peaceful and comfortable like you were beginning to experience. 
