Dealing with a personal hell

[Kerr]

Hi all.

I really need advice on this. Infact, it relates to the two earlier threads I made. Basically I have started to study. And I met this girl that I got inflatuated in. Before anyone gets any ideas, she has a boyfriend and its not going anywhere. I am actually fine with that, believe it or not.

The problem is what I am doing to myself because of this. These last few days has been hell. I feel like I have been near a mental breakdown. And it has to do with her. Basically, she has been... inaccessible for these days. Unfortunately I did something stupid the last time we met. Not something that I rationally think is that serious, and since I have done stupid things before and she has forgiven me then I should be forgiven now (this time the stupid thing basically was not listening properly and as a result, saying something that in another situation would have been ok). But due to her being inaccessible I havent been able to find out if she has forgiven me or not. And as a result... I feel horrible. Like I feel this extreme pressure. And it all boils down to such a small thing. Thing is, I am doing this to myself. I am blowing things way out of proportion. Small things. And this time... I cant do school work. I cant do anything. I just do whatever directly stimulates me so this day will be over, and tomorrow will come, because its then I can talk to her.

How do you deal with this amount of self inflicted emotional pain? Because I know this is in my head. I am actively harming myself, this time to the point I cant even do school work. How do you handle this? How? I need to know.

Take care,
Kerr.

 

[RisingKnowledge]

Hi all.

I really need advice on this. Infact, it relates to the two earlier threads I made. Basically I have started to study. And I met this girl that I got inflatuated in. Before anyone gets any ideas, she has a boyfriend and its not going anywhere. I am actually fine with that, believe it or not.

The problem is what I am doing to myself because of this. These last few days has been hell. I feel like I have been near a mental breakdown. And it has to do with her. Basically, she has been... inaccessible for these days. Unfortunately I did something stupid the last time we met. Not something that I rationally think is that serious, and since I have done stupid things before and she has forgiven me then I should be forgiven now (this time the stupid thing basically was not listening properly and as a result, saying something that in another situation would have been ok). But due to her being inaccessible I havent been able to find out if she has forgiven me or not. And as a result... I feel horrible. Like I feel this extreme pressure. And it all boils down to such a small thing. Thing is, I am doing this to myself. I am blowing things way out of proportion. Small things. And this time... I cant do school work. I cant do anything. I just do whatever directly stimulates me so this day will be over, and tomorrow will come, because its then I can talk to her.

How do you deal with this amount of self inflicted emotional pain? Because I know this is in my head. I am actively harming myself, this time to the point I cant even do school work. How do you handle this? How? I need to know.

Take care,
Kerr.

After reading the rest after the first part i don't think you are really fine with that. Women make men do crazy things and can get us in some bad places and vise versa try going out and getting your mind of things any hobby you like to do? And also just let it go accept it and just relax easier said then done i know but there is no point in getting upset over things you can not control just do stuff for you and not really not worry about her after my long term relationship that ended last year it was very tough the pain will go away with time just remember life is beautiful and it always gets better. hope this was any form of help you always have to go through the bad to get to the good.
hang in there pm if you just want someone to talk to

 

[Exhibitkris]

It’s a good thing you realize that it’s self-inflicted, meaning you actually have control over it even if it doesn’t feel like you do.
It’s very difficult to convince oneself of something else once you have made your mind up to let it fester and bother you.
Just try and be kind to yourself and focus on the positive things you seem to know to be true. She has forgiven you in the past and most likely will this time too, she is not ignoring you, she is just not available at the moment and you need to carry on in the mean time.

Best of luck

 

[9-10ths_Penguin]

I've noticed a tendency in myself: when a situation feels unendurable, it's usually not for the reason my mind wants to latch onto. If I'm depressed, it's simply because I'm depressed... even though my brain tries desperately to find an external reason so that it can turn a generic feeling into I can't go on into "I can't go on without ______."

I don't know whether this is the case for you... but in any case, I see warning flags when you talk about feeling like you're having a mental breakdown and how your feelings aren't allowing to function normally. If you weren't just exaggerating for effect, you may want to seek out some qualified help, like a counselor or a psychologist.

 

[Kerr]

It’s a good thing you realize that it’s self-inflicted, meaning you actually have control over it even if it doesn’t feel like you do.
It’s very difficult to convince oneself of something else once you have made your mind up to let it fester and bother you.
Just try and be kind to yourself and focus on the positive things you seem to know to be true. She has forgiven you in the past and most likely will this time too, she is not ignoring you, she is just not available at the moment and you need to carry on in the mean time.

Best of luck

I know why she has been inaccessible, so I know she hasnt been ignoring me. The issues I have are the same issues I have in any social conext, but due to my feelings for her they become... stronger. There is nothing I fear more then loosing her friendship at the moment. Happen to have a lot of insecuritites due to passed experiences. In a way its good that I feel this way for her. It gives me an opportunity to confront issues I have had for years. Which is part of the reason why I am not calling her today. Because I could, and I am sure she wouldnt hold it against me. But we agreed I wouldnt call her today a few days ago (there are reasons for that which I wont go into, but they are understandable). Calling her would be like giving in. And if I give in, I wont learn. So I am going to pain and endure this hell of mine until tomorrow. Then I am going to call her and I am going to find out everything is in my head, which will bring me closer to overcoming it. At least thats what I imagine will happen.

 

[Kerr]

I've noticed a tendency in myself: when a situation feels unendurable, it's usually not for the reason my mind wants to latch onto. If I'm depressed, it's simply because I'm depressed... even though my brain tries desperately to find an external reason so that it can turn a generic feeling into I can't go on into "I can't go on without ______."

Thats a possibility. Not sure if its a depression in my case, though. I have for years been living on social isolation and now I have the chance to, possibly, break free. Its my fears, my phobias, my anxiety... its those that cases me to feel this way.

I don't know whether this is the case for you... but in any case, I see warning flags when you talk about feeling like you're having a mental breakdown and how your feelings aren't allowing to function normally. If you weren't just exaggerating for effect, you may want to seek out some qualified help, like a counselor or a psychologist.

I already have. But there is one problem... it takes time. Like I might have to wait a month just to see a someone. So I posted here to get advice now.

 

[Kerr]

After reading the rest after the first part i don't think you are really fine with that. Women make men do crazy things and can get us in some bad places and vise versa try going out and getting your mind of things any hobby you like to do? And also just let it go accept it and just relax easier said then done i know but there is no point in getting upset over things you can not control just do stuff for you and not really not worry about her after my long term relationship that ended last year it was very tough the pain will go away with time just remember life is beautiful and it always gets better. hope this was any form of help you always have to go through the bad to get to the good.
hang in there pm if you just want someone to talk to

Actually I am fine with it. Not happy about it, but I am fine with it. I can deal with not having my feelings returned. What I cant deal with is all the stress and fear she brings out of me. As I said in an earlier post, I have been socially isolated for a very long time. Then she came into my life. Her friendship means everything to me. But that causes me to fear losing it more then anything.

 

[Kerr]

Ok, my condition is improving. Have come to a state where the passed few days and all the drama in them just doesnt make any sense to me. So I guess thats good. I mean, sure, I might be worried that she hasnt forgiven me or something... but that shouldnt cause me to feel this down. I have a theory. Stress. As I have said before, I have been under social isolation for a very long time. So now that I get a friend, I put extreme demands on myself. Like I feel like I have to be perfect. Literally perfect. Because if I dont I fear I will be left alone again. Perhaps thats what this is. I might be so stressed over this social situation that I am crumbling over all the pressure. Pressure which I put on myself. In any case I will not do any school work today either. I think just need to rest a little to regain my strength. A day without stress. Just rest.

And btw, while this has been painful I look at it as an opportunity. It allows me to confront my issues.

 

[RisingKnowledge]

Ok, my condition is improving. Have come to a state where the passed few days and all the drama in them just doesnt make any sense to me. So I guess thats good. I mean, sure, I might be worried that she hasnt forgiven me or something... but that shouldnt cause me to feel this down. I have a theory. Stress. As I have said before, I have been under social isolation for a very long time. So now that I get a friend, I put extreme demands on myself. Like I feel like I have to be perfect. Literally perfect. Because if I dont I fear I will be left alone again. Perhaps thats what this is. I might be so stressed over this social situation that I am crumbling over all the pressure. Pressure which I put on myself. In any case I will not do any school work today either. I think just need to rest a little to regain my strength. A day without stress. Just rest.

And btw, while this has been painful I look at it as an opportunity. It allows me to confront my issues.

Glad things are getting better for you hope they continue my friend!

 

[Kerr]

Glad things are getting better for you hope they continue my friend!

Life goes up and down. Right now its still down, but slowly on its way up. Have talked to her and, as I suspected, it was all in my head. I need to learn to relax, I guess. To not have so high demands on myself. Just not sure how.

 

[Kerr]

Anyone have any advice on how to stop stressing out like I have done? Or at least any advice on how to stress out less?

 

[crossfire]

Anyone have any advice on how to stop stressing out like I have done? Or at least any advice on how to stress out less?

If you can't concentrate on anything else, try sitting and concentrating on your breath. Watch your inhale from beginning to end, and watch your exhale from beginning to end.