Dealing with death as an atheist

[Deidre]

I was raised in a Christian home, indoctrinated if you will. I never really believed in places like heaven or hell, even as a Christian. I've been deconverted for about four years, and have identified myself as an atheist for about two of those years. I'm not a 'hard-lined' atheist per se, but the concept of an after life never brought me any comfort when I dealt with a friend's death from cancer, or an uncle who died suddenly in a car wreck. The idea of an afterlife always seemed at best presumptuous, at worst a flat out lie.

''He's going to a better place,'' just seems like such a cop out when it comes to grief, and mourning.

My grandmother is dying, she is in hospice care now. She means a lot to me, she always believed in me. I'm close to her, and I want to pray for her, but don't know what to say as an atheist. Can an atheist pray for a dying person? I don't know. If a god exists, would he hear me? Would he be mad at me for turning my back on him?

I'm an atheist, but I'm open to the idea that 'something' somewhere...might exist...beyond this universe. I wanted to ask the atheists here, how do you process situations like this? Death? Calamity? Suffering?

I'm of the belief that we should do away with funerals, and instead have parties that are a celebration of life for the person you love. I have been crying off and on for weeks over this, and why? I guess death marks a transition for us too. We are losing someone we dearly love and I want my grandmother to be out of her pain, that she has been suffering in for a few years now. So is it selfish to not want her to go?

And suppose there is no heaven, the finality of that hits home that I will never see her again.

How to process all of this an atheist, is the question.

 

[LuisDantas]

I like to see death as the ultimate forgiver.

But really, as in so much else, death and suffering are not very different for atheists in contrast to theists. We just have a bit more reason to value life.

 

[Deidre]

I like to see death as the ultimate forgiver.

But really, as in so much else, death and suffering are not very different for atheists in contrast to theists. We just have a bit more reason to value life.

I'm overwhelmed lately with fear over losing her as we are close...your post here just touched me so. You don't even know. Thank you. Yes, we have a greater reason to value THIS life.

 

[LuisDantas]

Indeed. Each moment is that much more significant and precious because it is, in truth, unique and irreplaceable.

Mortality ensures that we make a difference when we reach out for each other.

 

[Deidre]

Indeed. Each moment is that much more significant and precious because it is, in truth, unique and irreplaceable.

Mortality ensures that we make a difference when we reach out for each other.

Yes, I've thought as a Christian, that the notion of an after life somehow diminished the value of this one. It might be an unintentional byproduct of Christian dogma, but just the same...how often do we hear Christians say...'this life isn't as important as the next life.' Even as a theist, I thought that was a sad way to view this life, and my grandmother lived an amazzzzing life. I could only hope to be 1/10 of the kind of compassionate, wonderful human being she is to others. Your insight to this has been helpful.

 

[LuisDantas]

I'm glad you have such a wonderful grandmother. We all should be happy for that.

 

[Monk Of Reason]

You simply have to come to terms with it. That means different things for different people. If something bothers me really badly then I like to think that the limited time makes it more precious. Their life now has more meaning because it is so finite rather than immortal. But there is no easy answer for dealing with death, loss or any number of issues. And to be completely honest I don't think that religion truly makes it easier.

 

[Bunyip]

Your nana gets to live on in so many ways - you and your kids will have some of her genes, and parts of your very nature and personality come from her. We are immortal. Your genes have lived since they were blue/green bacteria, in millions of years who knows what marvels they will metamorphosise into?

My father died a few years ago, but there is still a great deal of him in me, and in my son.

It is immortality, but in a greater - bigger picture sense. Not some fantasy of paradise, but the immeasurable majesty of the perpetuation of genetic material in this astonishing universe.

 

[Twilight Hue]

I never think of anybody as being truly gone. Just the form and personality. So no real death to me occurs with that exception.

To me death is a reflection of birth, in that it's an integrated process much likend with the rising and falling of waves, but with each rising and falling away, never loses it's essence.

It brings about an appreciation for each moment you share with people, and hopefully, when the moment passes away into death, there will remain that acknowledgment of our transitory state, and in actuality, never was anything truly apart or separated in the first place. That's how I deal with death, and those around me that I care about as an atheist. Everything is already taken care of. :0]

 

[Ingledsva]

I felt relief and peace when my mother passed from cancer.

She had no life, and was in constant pain.

I thought my feelings would be horrible grief, but the situation changed that to peace, in the understanding that she was better off in death, and I accepted that.

*

 

[Rick O'Shez]

And suppose there is no heaven, the finality of that hits home that I will never see her again.

For me that's the most difficult bit, the sense of final separation. It's tough, though I suspect tougher for us than the person that is dying. I'm not sure what we can do except to be strong and wish them well for the future, whatever that might be or not be.

 

[Spiderman]

I was raised in a Christian home, indoctrinated if you will. I never really believed in places like heaven or hell, even as a Christian. I've been deconverted for about four years, and have identified myself as an atheist for about two of those years. I'm not a 'hard-lined' atheist per se, but the concept of an after life never brought me any comfort when I dealt with a friend's death from cancer, or an uncle who died suddenly in a car wreck. The idea of an afterlife always seemed at best presumptuous, at worst a flat out lie.

''He's going to a better place,'' just seems like such a cop out when it comes to grief, and mourning.

My grandmother is dying, she is in hospice care now. She means a lot to me, she always believed in me. I'm close to her, and I want to pray for her, but don't know what to say as an atheist. Can an atheist pray for a dying person? I don't know. If a god exists, would he hear me? Would he be mad at me for turning my back on him?

I'm an atheist, but I'm open to the idea that 'something' somewhere...might exist...beyond this universe. I wanted to ask the atheists here, how do you process situations like this? Death? Calamity? Suffering?

I'm of the belief that we should do away with funerals, and instead have parties that are a celebration of life for the person you love. I have been crying off and on for weeks over this, and why? I guess death marks a transition for us too. We are losing someone we dearly love and I want my grandmother to be out of her pain, that she has been suffering in for a few years now. So is it selfish to not want her to go?

And suppose there is no heaven, the finality of that hits home that I will never see her again.

How to process all of this an atheist, is the question.

Yeah I can relate to your disbelief of eternal life even as a Christian. Even as a Christian, the belief of living forever, and ever, and ever, and having a body that can't get injured if you jump off a cliff, just seemed bizzare to me , and I always had doubts. THen the belief that some people would burn and burn and scream in agony forever and never die, was that much more ridiculous and traumatizing.

Yes...if God exists...he would most definitely hear the prayer of an atheist. He says there is more rejoicing in heaven over one repentant sinner than 99 righteous people. How that is relevant is, he is more concerned with the prayers of a sinner than the prayers of righteous people. So...obviously if you are an atheist....and your father loves you....who is your father going to be more delighted with...the prayer of the believer that goes to him every day...or the very rare prayer of the atheist that hasn't gone to their Father in years?

YOu know the parable of the widows mite? She threw in a penny and everyone else through in more. But the widow had so little to give that Christ said she gave more than everyone else. Because, even though the other people put more money in, they were giving out of their abundance. She was giving all she could give.

So that is kind of like the prayers of an atheist. The believer gives God a whole bunch of prayers because they have so much faith. When an atheist prays, they are giving all they got, and that will get the attention of God. I saw an atheist pray not long ago. It got my attention more than watching a thousand christians pray.

Same thing with God me thinks!

Also, im guessing you are agnostic actually.

awww...that sounds like a beautiful relationship you had with your Grandma! Is she a Theist?

 

[Spiderman]

Your nana gets to live on in so many ways - you and your kids will have some of her genes, and parts of your very nature and personality come from her. We are immortal. Your genes have lived since they were blue/green bacteria, in millions of years who knows what marvels they will metamorphosise into?

My father died a few years ago, but there is still a great deal of him in me, and in my son.

It is immortality, but in a greater - bigger picture sense. Not some fantasy of paradise, but the immeasurable majesty of the perpetuation of genetic material in this astonishing universe.

Wow! That is very interesting. I haven't heard it put that way!

 

[9-10ths_Penguin]

Something that helped me, especially when my father died, was the realization that death is an inescapable part of life, so to wish that someone not die is the same as wishing that they were never born at all.

It also helped me to realize that sadness at someone's death is actually a sign that the deceased person has had a positive impact on you, and that their memory will live on through you.

 

[Revoltingest]

Death....I don't like the idea of my own or people I like.
But it happens & will continue to happen.
I decided it doesn't bother me much.
And some people....I like the idea of their dying.

 

[Spiderman]

Indeed. Each moment is that much more significant and precious because it is, in truth, unique and irreplaceable.

Mortality ensures that we make a difference when we reach out for each other.

If you read history you will find that the Christians who did most for the present world were precisely those who thought most of the next. It is since Christians have largely ceased to think of the other world that they have become so ineffective in this.
C. S. Lewis

I don't know for sure if he is right but im open to the possibility that he is.

 

[LuisDantas]

If you read history you will find that the Christians who did most for the present world were precisely those who thought most of the next. It is since Christians have largely ceased to think of the other world that they have become so ineffective in this.
C. S. Lewis

I don't know for sure if he is right but im open to the possibility that he is.

I disagree with him, but I figure that those who are inclined to agree correlate strongly with theists.

 

[Deidre]

Thank you for your insights, everyone. Hospice gives her not even to the end of this week before she passes. I'm just not ready, and maybe we're never ready.

I disagree with that CS Lewis quote also. If you only are doing 'good' in this life, because you're worried about where your soul is heading in the 'next' life...are your motives entirely based on compassion for humanity, or concern for yourself? Just something to consider.

 

[Deidre]

You simply have to come to terms with it. That means different things for different people. If something bothers me really badly then I like to think that the limited time makes it more precious. Their life now has more meaning because it is so finite rather than immortal. But there is no easy answer for dealing with death, loss or any number of issues. And to be completely honest I don't think that religion truly makes it easier.

I agree, religion never helped me process this stuff any better. You're right, I need to find a way to best process this so I can cope, because right now, I'm not processing this. She has been sick off and on for about 4 years, and she's had great days where you can reminisce and other days when she barely knows who you are. But, you never think time will run out, and she has rapidly declined since Thanksgiving. I think to all the time I've wasted on people who have hurt me, mistreated me, on and on it goes...and I sit here thinking...I can't get all of that time back. And if we're fortunate to live a good, long life like my grandmother...I don't want to look back over all that ground I've covered, with regret.

I just don't like pain, though...no one does. And today, I'm just feeling the worry come over me, of her leaving soon and can't stop crying. :/

 

[Mequa]

Epicurus on death:

"Death is nothing to us; for the body, when it has been resolved into its elements, has no feeling, and that which has no feeling is nothing to us. " - Epicurus, Principal Doctrines

"Accustom yourself to believing that death is nothing to us, for good and evil imply the capacity for sensation, and death is the privation of all sentience; therefore a correct understanding that death is nothing to us makes the mortality of life enjoyable, not by adding to life a limitless time, but by taking away the yearning after immortality. For life has no terrors for him who has thoroughly understood that there are no terrors for him in ceasing to live. Foolish, therefore, is the man who says that he fears death, not because it will pain when it comes, but because it pains in the prospect. Whatever causes no annoyance when it is present, causes only a groundless pain in the expectation. Death, therefore, the most awful of evils, is nothing to us, seeing that, when we are, death is not come, and, when death is come, we are not. It is nothing, then, either to the living or to the dead, for with the living it is not and the dead exist no longer." - Epicurus, Letter to Menoeceus

"It is possible to provide security against other things, but as far as death is concerned, we men all live in a city without walls." - Epicurus, Vatican Sayings

"Those who were best able to provide themselves with the means of security against their neighbors, being thus in possession of the surest guarantee, passed the most agreeable life in each other's society; and their enjoyment of the fullest intimacy was such that, if one of them died before his time, the survivors did not mourn his death as if it called for sympathy." - Epicurus, Principal Doctrines