Dear Sunstone... HELP! PLEASE HELP!

[Sunstone]

NOTE: I recently received this PM from a member of our Forum. I need your advice on how to respond to this tragedy. Won't you please help? This could happen to anyone of us!​

Dear Sunstone,

I am reaching out to you as an administrator of RF because I am desperate. More desperate than I've ever been in my life. You're my last chance, Sunstone. Please don't fail me!

I beg you to pass this message along to the other members, mods, and administrators of RF. If you all put your heads together, maybe -- maybe -- you can save me.

I have been a member of RF for 4 1/2 years now. Yesterday, I was in my bedroom alone while surfing RF. I didn't think anyone else was home, so I decided to surf RF in the nude, as I often do when no one is home but me.

As you might by now have guessed, thinking I was alone was a fatal error on my part.

Just as I was reading PopeADope's thread asking if any other RFers masturbate their pet spiders, my two young children, ages 8 and 10, walked into my bedroom with six of their church friends! I was totally taken by surprise!

The kids saw everything! And now my whole neighborhood and church congregation know what happened! Sunstone, what can I do? How can I ever again look anyone in the eyes? How can I ever live with the shame? The kids have told everyone, Sunstone, everyone. They all know I'm an RFer now!

Signed,

Despairing Mother

 

[crossfire]

Dear Despairing Mother,

I understand not feeling like you fit in with the rest of society. Perhaps we can petition the RF administration to make the RF page look more like a mainstream page like Porn Hub, which might make it more acceptable to surf RF when others might see you.

 

[Terese]

Sounds like her life is forfeit! Oh what a tragedy! It will certainly be in the school newsletter!

 

[Sunstone]

Sounds like her life is forfeit! Oh what a tragedy! It will certainly be in the school newsletter!

Ye gods! The humanity!

 

[Twilight Hue]

A simple referencing of Proverbs 30:28 should settle the matter sufficiently .

 

[Sunstone]

Dear Despairing Mother,

I understand not feeling like you fit in with the rest of society. Perhaps we can petition the RF administration to make the RF page look more like a mainstream page like Porn Hub, which might make it more acceptable to surf RF when others might see you.

What if we redesigned the RF logo to look like an audience watching a pole dancer? Do you think that might help?

 

[oldbadger]

Dear Desperate Mother,
What is/was your opinion about @PopeADope 's thread?
You know, about masturbating pet spiders?
Only we keep ducks and I've often wondered about all this, in connection with pet care, of course.
Our little dachsunds are both girls, so no probs there, I guess?

 

[WalterTrull]

look like an audience watching a pole dancer?

Is this a Polish defamation crack? I'm going to contact the "Why Me" society. They'll fix your little red thingy.

 

[Spiderman]

There are few things I enjoy as much as Spider fangs penetrating my flesh. The exchange of bodily fluids and the swelling is almost orgasmic.

 

[David1967]

I am reaching out to you as an administrator of RF because I am desperate. More desperate than I've ever been in my life. You're my last chance, Sunstone. Please don't fail me!

It was Princess Leia wasn't it? (Just insert @Sunstone at the proper place.)

 

[crossfire]

What if we redesigned the RF logo to look like an audience watching a pole dancer? Do you think that might help?

Maybe.

 

[sun rise]

Dear Desperate Mother,

Have you considered some of the sacred art of India? Or the secular art of other cultures? Clearly you are an art lover of the "first water" and all should applaud your dedication to understanding what was in the minds of the creators of such art.

After all, many of us have done internet searches in our quests to expand our aesthetic sensibilities. I'm not sure the Victorian sensibilities of some here would allow for posting images, but it's clear that the love of art for arts sake is almost universal in the human species.

 

[Brickjectivity]

Dear Sunstone,

Do admins have souls?

--anonymous

 

[Spiderman]

Spiders have their way of saying no means no when I touch them inappropriately.

 

[lewisnotmiller]

NOTE: I recently received this PM from a member of our Forum. I need your advice on how to respond to this tragedy. Won't you please help? This could happen to anyone of us!​

Dear Sunstone,

I am reaching out to you as an administrator of RF because I am desperate. More desperate than I've ever been in my life. You're my last chance, Sunstone. Please don't fail me!

I beg you to pass this message along to the other members, mods, and administrators of RF. If you all put your heads together, maybe -- maybe -- you can save me.

I have been a member of RF for 4 1/2 years now. Yesterday, I was in my bedroom alone while surfing RF. I didn't think anyone else was home, so I decided to surf RF in the nude, as I often do when no one is home but me.

As you might by now have guessed, thinking I was alone was a fatal error on my part.

Just as I was reading PopeADope's thread asking if any other RFers masturbate their pet spiders, my two young children, ages 8 and 10, walked into my bedroom with six of their church friends! I was totally taken by surprise!

The kids saw everything! And now my whole neighborhood and church congregation know what happened! Sunstone, what can I do? How can I ever again look anyone in the eyes? How can I ever live with the shame? The kids have told everyone, Sunstone, everyone. They all know I'm an RFer now!

Signed,

Despairing Mother

Dear Despairing Mother,

Follow these steps.
1. Set up a fake email account called '[email protected]' or similar.
2. Email yourself a long email message filled with spelling mistakes saying 'You are a winer, click here to collect your prize'. Make sure you make the email appear to be backdated.
3. Hyperlink it to RF
4. Claim to have fallen for a nefarious blink link scam calculated to land you in pages you'd normally only ever visit if completely drunk, drug-affected, and desperate for strange company.
5. Ask your children if they can teach you how the interwebz works.


Sure, it will cost you a little humility, but that's guaranteed to get you out.
Otherwise, just threaten to hack their Facebook pages and fill them with references to liking colonic irrigations.

 

[Thief]

NOTE: I recently received this PM from a member of our Forum. I need your advice on how to respond to this tragedy. Won't you please help? This could happen to anyone of us!​

Dear Sunstone,

I am reaching out to you as an administrator of RF because I am desperate. More desperate than I've ever been in my life. You're my last chance, Sunstone. Please don't fail me!

I beg you to pass this message along to the other members, mods, and administrators of RF. If you all put your heads together, maybe -- maybe -- you can save me.

I have been a member of RF for 4 1/2 years now. Yesterday, I was in my bedroom alone while surfing RF. I didn't think anyone else was home, so I decided to surf RF in the nude, as I often do when no one is home but me.

As you might by now have guessed, thinking I was alone was a fatal error on my part.

Just as I was reading PopeADope's thread asking if any other RFers masturbate their pet spiders, my two young children, ages 8 and 10, walked into my bedroom with six of their church friends! I was totally taken by surprise!

The kids saw everything! And now my whole neighborhood and church congregation know what happened! Sunstone, what can I do? How can I ever again look anyone in the eyes? How can I ever live with the shame? The kids have told everyone, Sunstone, everyone. They all know I'm an RFer now!

Signed,

Despairing Mother

poor soul is doomed.....DOOMED!

started out.....asking YOU for help
now look what's happening

joke thread in play