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Desirable Personality Traits in a Friend or Romantic Partner

Which personality trait(s) do you find most desirable in a friend or romantic partner?


  • Total voters
    24
  • Poll closed .

Revoltingest

Pragmatic Libertarian
Premium Member
I agree, for the most part. I voted for all options that applied except for confidence: it's still desirable to me, but I can befriend or be attracted to someone who doesn't have a great amount of it if other desirable qualities are present. On the other hand, being inauthentic, humorless, unempathetic, unfriendly, or constantly short-tempered is a dealbreaker for me whether in a friend or romantic interest.
The traits I value most are the ones sorely lacking.
 

Quagmire

Imaginary talking monkey
Staff member
Premium Member
Honestly, intelligence isn't important to me at all. I'd rather hang out with someone who isn't very intelligent but is open to learning than a highly intelligent person who is shut down to any view that opposes their own.
*nods* Extra horsepower is only a good thing if you know how to drive.
Otherwise it can be a liability.

And it does you no good at all if you don't know where you're going (it'll just get you lost faster).
 

Revoltingest

Pragmatic Libertarian
Premium Member
*nods* Extra horsepower is only a good thing if you know how to drive.
Otherwise it can be a liability.

And it does you no good at all if you don't know where you're going (it'll just get you lost faster).
One exception is towing a trailer uphill.
No skill over & above general towing expertise is needed.
 

Revoltingest

Pragmatic Libertarian
Premium Member
Depends on how big the load your hauling.


And what kind of shape your brakes are in.

(If we're going to milk a metaphor this much might as well use it to make cheese. :p)
My brakes are all great.
I regularly have them serviced & replaced.
And I've upgraded my electrical connection to something
more reliable than those troublesome 7-blade connectors...
 

Secret Chief

Veteran Member
Authenticity
I want the person to be real.

Calmness
I don't like to be around people with short fuses.

Empathy
There's more to the living world than your own perceived self.

Humour
Apart from anything else, without this a person will just conclude I'm somewhat deranged.
 

It Aint Necessarily So

Veteran Member
Premium Member
I chose them all. And I would add others, although there might be some overlap with existing categories such as kindness and generosity. Reliability, loyalty, generosity, industrious, clean, and tolerant are all very desirable qualities. And there are deal killers that negate the rest, although one might not call them all personality traits, like smoking. Addictive personality is one. Can't be on time is another. Being religious or conservative are negatives, but, unless they characterize the person, I can live with those.
 

Debater Slayer

Vipassana
Staff member
Premium Member
I chose them all. And I would add others, although there might be some overlap with existing categories such as kindness and generosity. Reliability, loyalty, generosity, industrious, clean, and tolerant are all very desirable qualities. And there are deal killers that negate the rest, although one might not call them all personality traits, like smoking. Addictive personality is one. Can't be on time is another. Being religious or conservative are negatives, but, unless they characterize the person, I can live with those.

Smoking would be an absolute dealbreaker for me in a romantic partner. Unless they fully quit and stayed off nicotine for at least a few months, I wouldn't be able to commit to a relationship.

With friends, it depends: I'm friends with a few smokers, but they never smoke in my company. They know I genuinely can't breathe properly when someone lights up near me. Either they or I just get up and take a brief walk when they want to smoke, and we both understand each other's boundaries.

Conservatism and religion also vary for me: I'm friends with a lot of conservatives and religious people, but if acceptance isn't mutual, I don't bother. If I don't feel safe enough to respectfully tell them about my identity, I know we can't be friends, because they all express their beliefs openly with me (e.g., when they pray or share their opinion on a piece of news) and don't have to worry about unsafety or mockery. In a romantic relationship, though, I absolutely couldn't see myself being with a social conservative or the "poor people deserve what they get" type of libertarian or fiscal conservative. I would most likely see that as a sign of a compromised sense of empathy on their part.

Religion per se isn't an issue for me whether in a friend or romantic partner, though: I don't care what someone's religious beliefs are unless they inspire social conservatism or, say, belief in Hell for non-believers. Those seem to me harmful beliefs that extend beyond personal spirituality.

As far as romantic interest goes, I would also be more wary of beliefs that encourage proselytizing or condition "salvation" on belief, because that could mean later problems in the relationship due to my non-belief. Aside from that, I know that many religious people are progressive and empathetic, more so than a lot of atheists, so I couldn't care less whether someone is religious or not when I get to know them.
 
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