metis
aged ecumenical anthropologist
A Sicilian Catholic? Your in trouble.
LOL! Ya, 47 years of "trouble" as of March 9th. Hey, she's been a saint, but she understood what I was doing and why, and never questioned my sanity. However, I did at times question my own sanity.
Why would a physics text scare you? They scared me on testing day but no other time.
I just had a feeling about the book that's very difficult to explain. It was not based on anything specific, nor was I necessarily expecting anything new as I've been a subscriber to "Scientific American" for over 40 years now.
This feeling I had indeed got borne out over several years until I started to ask myself the right question: "Why do I believe?". It took me a long time to come to grips dealing with this objectively, but it eventually boiled down to two answers: I believed because I was brought up to believe, and I believed because I wanted to believe.
When I used a more scientific approach to deal with this, it also reinforced that there simply is no objective evidence to conclude there's a "God", and even if there is one, what characteristics and teachings would this "God" have? How do we know there's only one "God"? There simply is no way of knowing, but one obviously may still believe.
It is not your uncertainty about the right faith that alarmed me. It was your uncertainty that God exists.
My questioning was not a constant as I would go from being assured there's a "God" but then later doubting that. I think any serious scientist, especially if they're an anthropologist or cosmologist, would have problems with blind faith, and my experiences with anthropologists along with the surveys of those in other fields, especially cosmology, indicate just that. According to a survey put forth by research cosmologist Leonard Susskind, over 90% of cosmologists are either atheists or agnostics (by far, more the latter), and he says that even the theists that he knows are hardly orthodox in their beliefs.
I notice something very important missing here. There is no moment when God entered your heart and settled at least the most fundamental questions here.
Actually there were times that I feel "God" did.
Whether you agree with me or not. Do you not see the point of reference that justifies my making the claims I have?
Remember, I was brought up to believe where you're coming from, so I quite well understand this, and maybe 20 or so years ago I probably would have responded similarly to what you have, even with some of my doubts. I've been very active for almost 40 straight years now, so I don't take any of this lightly.
I am not your moral better nor more intelligent. I just happen to have arrived at the correct road map and stumbled across the treasure because I had the right map.
I still feel it's important to cloak that in terms of "belief". Yes, you may firmly believe as such, but so do billions of people throughout the world who have their own beliefs, undoubtedly with a great many being just as firmly convinced as you are that they're correct.
BTW, if you want to get into details on your journey, feel free to do so as this typically interests me. Also, I didn't comment on most of what you posted simply because it would simply be rehash of more rehash.
Shalom