My grandmother had it, though i'm not sure if it was just genetic, she was abused by my grandfather in his middle years and her middle child(my uncle joey) hung himself(years before i was born). i never even knew she had depression. old Irish gals are very proud and stubborn. she fell down the stairs and hit her head 8 months ago, she was on blood thinners so it only took a day for her brain to flood. my grandfather followed with cancer last month.
So you've lost two grandparents in less than a year. Were you very close to either of them?
we spend days on end dwelling in the same residence without a single word exchanged. he thinks the only requirement for being a great dad is to finance your child, let them figure out the rest on their own.
Sometimes communication is difficult between parents and teens. You mentioned that all you want to talk about lately is the topics that we discuss on RF, and that you use your voice so seldom that talking feels very strange and awkward to you. Maybe it's not just your dad who is having a communication problem. Maybe you shouldn't assume that just because you two rarely talk, it's simply because your dad thinks "the only requirement for being a great dad is to finance his child."
Your dad is a human being too - and he's lost BOTH his parents in less than a year. Try to be a little more empathetic toward him. Regardless of whether or not he had a fabulous relationship with them, losing both of them in such a short space of time is emotionally difficult. My father went thru this very same thing a few years ago and it was VERY difficult for him.
my mom lives a 45 minute walk/5 minute drive away. They just don't have "room" for me in every sense of the word. i think we both drifted apart around christmas 2010 when my stepdad (apparently he can't stand a moderately messy teenager) told my mom it was either him or us.
Ah. The stepparent waters can be very difficult for ALL to navigate. Tension between a son and his mom's new husband is classic really. Once again, I know it's more natural for you to focus on your own feelings in this and not think much about your parents' feelings, but it may be helpful for you to try to understand your mom's feelings right now. You mention that you can be messy. It's human nature to minimize our own faults, or try to justify them. The point is that when someone lives in a home and is messy, it can really really be a source of contention. Throw in some anger at the situation, some rebelliousness, some jealousy, and two males' testosterone and you've got a powder keg of emotions.
Your mom is right in the middle, and that's a very, very difficult place to be. I know you may feel like she's chosen this man over you and that hurts. But were you abiding by the rules of the household? Keep in mind that your stepfather's feelings toward you aren't tempered by that unique love that a natural parent usually has - the type that breeds a lot of tolerance. To him, you may just be a gnarly, messy, rebellious teenager who is giving him hell. And he would be right if he pointed this out to your mom to justify his behavior toward you. Then she's caught in the middle, between her love for you, but the objective truth from him that is not tempered by a lot of affection. It's a rough spot to be in.
my dad was in New Hampshire so i spent christmas until New years with my girlfriend(at the time) and her family
You know what - that period of transition between child and adult can be so difficult. I clearly remember the first Christmas I spent apart from my parents - and the first time they went on their summer vacation - without me (I believe I was 17). Grrrrrrr!!!!
hehe no I'm a high school senior, going to the University of Maine at Orono to study philosophy and psychology. I'm going to be in the Outdoor Adventure dorm. so basically life gets awesome after i leave Boston.
So what sort of career do you plan to pursue?
I will be the only one investing in me. my dad makes around 100k a year after taxes but he would much rather buy property in new hampshire than invest in a "dead beat kid who is going to just drop out"
Are those his words, or do you base this on something else?
(even though entirely on my own i managed to get a 3.4 gpa, 14 college credits(about 4 college semester courses) from my ap tests, a 2060 sat score, and $10,000 in scholarships)
Wow, that's FANTASTIC! You're off to a great start!
So your parents don't plan on financing any part of your college education?
Here's my dilemma, ontop of not being me, i don't want the drugs or any help because my depression is what drives me to these extraordinary realms of thought. right now that is the most important thing to me, it makes me feel like I'm really awake and not just moving with the flow.
My point is this - I'm not sure you're clinically depressed -and neither are you, because you have not been diagnosed.
It sounds like a lot of really emotionally charged events have happened in your family's life recently. Like I said earlier, being sad can be an APPROPRIATE response to life's events sometimes. In other words, "depression" can be a completely normal, and HEALTHY state of mind at times.
Samaritans is a volunteer operated suicide hotline, as you might have seen earlier, my daddyo lost his bro to this kind-o stuff-o
It's very good of you to volunteer your time to help others.
I do have to wonder, though - why the flippant approach to your uncle's suicide and to your dad? Your style of speaking suddenly flipped when you mentioned your uncle's suicide. Think about it.
Sometimes I'm really crazy though like i can spend hours thinking.
That in itself doesn't sound crazy to me. I guess it depends on what you're thinking ABOUT. I mean, pondering the meaning of life is one thing - pondering carving up your neighbors with a chain saw is something completely different. What are you sitting around thinking about for hours on end?
i think my Acute ADD helps in a way, i can't stay focused on one thing but when it comes to life you don't have one thing to focus on, it's an emergence of everything, and sometimes i can think about everything at the same time. this is when reality starts to shake a bit. only because thinking about it long enough makes its validity questionable
You've had a lot of emotionally charged events happen in your young life recently. This sounds like it could be your mind trying to categorize and cope with a lot of emotional and philosophical information that has suddenly become very pertinent in your life.
haha no, I've gotten to the point where being around other people doesn't make me stop pondering my own imminent death and subsequent possible adventure into the unknown. in other words, people just aren't doing it for me anymore. i dont want human compassion, I'm hungry for some ponderous ideas.
Believe it or not, this thought process can be pretty common during periods of transition in our lives, especially if you are a deep thinker, which it sounds like you are. You are transitioning from child to adult.
Along that way, try to maintain some empathy and understanding for others. In other words, while you're trying to figure out the meaning of your own life, and your own feelings, don't forget that others have feelings too. Otherwise it's easy to drift into a very self centered mode of operating and that can really create a "jerk" state of mind.
Not one of my friends or family even knows I volunteer at samaritans. which i have to walk an hour and a half to and from so my dad doesn't freak out.
