Do you love yourself?

[michel]

I am sorry michel if your childhood wasn't a happy one, but you should try to overcome all those feelings. If you are unable just entrust that to our God, resort to Him and ask Him for help and for fogiveness. Believe me you will find a loving Merciful God who is so near to us than we expect, He forgives the sins of everyone who repents sincerely and ask forgiveness. Yes, of course we must feel guilty if we wrong somebody and even wrong ourselves, that means that we have a pricking of the conscience and that's very good but once we ask for forgivenss from the ones we wrong and ask forgiveness from God and we repent God forgives us and that's the ultimate goal. We must not dwell into the past otherwise we will never be happy. The past has gone and we are living our present day and what we must do is to learn from our past in order not to repeat the mistakes we did and try to live a better present full of good deeds and obedience to our Creator so as to attain happiness in this life and the life to come.

Peace

I understand, and have tried all of what you say. I ask God for forgiveness every day of my life, in prayer.

I know that as a human, I cannot be "free from Sin"; I also understand that Christ will forgive my sins.

The past may have gone - and to learn from the past is, of course, the right idea. I have done so in as much as I can.

If the people I have hurt in my life were here, living, and I could ask them for forginess, maybe that would help me; in fact, I did find a very old friend and apologised for something I had done in the past - only to find that he had forgotten it completely - even that did not help me. I wish I could do as you say - because I know (in my head) that you are right. My heart tells me I cannot do that though.

 

[MysticSang'ha]

I have an idea, Michel, and I hope I don't sound trite. Why not go with the concept that this practice, just like any other, really boils down to "fake it until you make it?"



True, there are some things that feel more natural than others, and the Buddhist view is because these are the karmic causes and conditions that draw us toward such inclinations. But there are other behaviors or mental habits that we feel are completely foreign or unattainable to us. I know you believe in rebirth/reincarnation, and therefore this body that you inhabit also houses your karmic "load", so to speak, and this very well could be karmic seeds simply ripening from former mental habits you exhibited.



Now, call me crazy, but to Buddhists, when a karmic seed begins to ripen, we find this a good thing. I've heard before from non-Buddhist sources that when suffering exists, it's "one less debt to repay." To continue with loving kindness while suffering within your own mind is one way to extinguish negative karma. However, you are still clinging to this horrible aversion at your own divine self, and you continue to treat yourself worse than anyone could ever do so in real life. Yet, such is the power of the mind. :flower:



We truly do have the power with our minds to be our own worst enemy. But with this power, we can learn to become our own best cheerleader. This cheerleader then becomes worthy when he or she retains the acknowledgment that nothing separates "you" and "me" save for our own distinguishable delusions of our egos.



Ah, if I'm speaking to a brick wall, then I simply am. All I know is that I love you as much as I virtually can because of the kindness you show to everyone here, Michel. And I'd like to see you happy. :hug:



Peace,
Mystic

 

[Peace]

I understand, and have tried all of what you say. I ask God for forgiveness every day of my life, in prayer.

I know that as a human, I cannot be "free from Sin"; I also understand that Christ will forgive my sins.

The past may have gone - and to learn from the past is, of course, the right idea. I have done so in as much as I can.

If the people I have hurt in my life were here, living, and I could ask them for forginess, maybe that would help me; in fact, I did find a very old friend and apologised for something I had done in the past - only to find that he had forgotten it completely - even that did not help me. I wish I could do as you say - because I know (in my head) that you are right. My heart tells me I cannot do that though.

For the ones who died or you cannot reach you can just ask forgiveness for them and for you and in that way God will forgive you.
May Allah grant you peace of mind and happiness!

Peace

 

[cardero]

Loving one self is not selfish, it is not self-centered. What it is is a sound foundation for the love that one will eventually grow and become the love that you give and express. If one has the knowledge and ability of what love entails but only shares it with others and not with their own BEing, what eventually happens is that one ignores themselves and encourages insecurity and dis-ease.

Cardero writes: Do you love yourself?
About 2-3 times a day.

For those readers who read too much into this comment it really isn’t far from the truth. I recognize and remind my love for myself everyday. Love of oneself is not just an emotional or spiritual donation; it is a physical and mental contribution that must be exercised daily. It means partitioning your time to make sure that you give balance to mind, body and soul. It entails the recognition that you are indeed important that you are special and that you thrive to be well. It is the indication to all others that your love is truthful and worthy. Treat yourself everyday, just as one thinks that others should be deserving of their love, no one is more deserving or desiring of that love than your self.

 

[Feathers in Hair]

I'm honestly not sure if I love myself. There are aspects of me that I can appreciate, but I tend to be a lot more forgiving of the faults or mistakes of others than I do of my own. It sometimes feel like I lack the 'switch' which acknowledges that I am of equal worth to others.

 

[Quiddity]

Most of the time I love myself enough to function. Sometimes, I love myself too much. Either way I measure my love of self in conjuntion to my love for God. What does that mean? It means that if I love myself too much (ego, or whatever you want to call it) or too little (insecurities), I rely on God's attributes to stabilize or fill in the gaps. For to love Him, I must love myself.

 

[UnTheist]

You can be happy without loving yourself.

 

[methylatedghosts]

I love me. Why? becuase I know me better than I know anyone else. I know how I feel, what I think, how I mean to act. And best of all, if I don't love an aspect of myself, I can change it! So this whole life, I have been changing myself, whether consciously or not, so the result is one great person that I know I can be happy with and that I can't help but love. After all - it is ME!!!!

 

[Mister Emu]

I absolutely abhor myself...

 

[Peace]

I absolutely abhor myself...

Why so???

 

[Yerda]

I can tolerate myself for reasonable periods of time.

 

[cardero]

I love me. Why? becuase I know me better than I know anyone else. I know how I feel, what I think, how I mean to act. And best of all, if I don't love an aspect of myself, I can change it! So this whole life, I have been changing myself, whether consciously or not, so the result is one great person that I know I can be happy with and that I can't help but love. After all - it is ME!!!!

Frubals for this.

 

[PureX]

I never thought an answer of mine would create a need for another thread....

I understand what you said completely, but I find that way of looking at things so difficult to put into practice.

To me, all my life is sin.

I will explain (with a very short demonstration that may explain why I feel this way.

Say that I get an opportunity to help an elderly lady cross the road safely; somehow, I cannot help (after having helped her) feeling a sense of "Joy" at having done a good deed.

To me, that renders the deed valueless; I believe that I ought to go through life forever trying to help others - because I want to help others (There are occasions that we help people because we feel guilt, or some other emotion that does not make the deed totally altruistic).

Even if I can succeed in doing the deed totally without it satisfying a need in me, I believe that to feel joy, or pride at having done the deed invalidates the good of the deed. I just can't win - and that is one of my biggest hurdles in life; one to which I have no solution whatsoever.

Michel,

Good is good. That's why it feels good to do a good thing. It's supposed to feel that way. I think if you don't feel good from participating in a good deed, then you were participating for some unnatural reason, or you twisted it up and made it bad in your mind. Good is just naturally good.

To make a good deed into a bad thing, as you claim to do, is, I think, perverse. You are turning a naturally good deed into a totally self-centered form of abuse. That's perverse, dude!

Relax, and let goodness be goodness. Feel the goodness of a kind deed, and appreciate it. That goodness you feel is God's love being expressed, inside you. To bring joy to others is to bring joy to yourself, because we are all part of the same heart. Jesus said: as you do to even the least among you, you do unto me. Doing good is being Christ (God's love being expressed in a human form). It's not you doing that good deed, it's God's love doing it through you. And that love feels good, as it passes through, and does it's healing and saving work.

That's why you feel good when you help someone across the street, and it's why they feel good, too. You only feel bad if you refuse to recognize that it's God's love at work, and you think it's something else ... something bad. And the same goes for the other person.



I was sitting in an AA meeting, once, some years ago. And as the other folks at the meeting were sharing their experiences and ideas regarding their recovery from addiction, I found myself sitting there in amazement. I was amazed by the intelligence and generosity and kindness of those people sitting around that table, on a saturday morning, sharing their deepest thoughts and feelings with each other, so as to help themselves and the other people there, learn how to get and stay sober. This was good work, they were doing, in the most pure sense. And it struck me as an incredibly open and courageous thing for them to do, and I was overcome with a sense of love and respect for those people.

Then I realized that I was sitting at that table, too. I was one of "those people". Just like them, I was also there to share my experiences and ideas with other alcoholics, not just to help myself, but to help myself BY HELPING OTHERS. This was the first time in my whole life that I actually experienced real love and respect for myself. And it happened in immediate conjunction with my experiencing real love and respect for other people. As I love others, so too I must love myself, because they and I are the same. I'm no better than they are, but I'm also no worse. So if I can appreciate them, in both their failings, and their magnificence, then it's only logical and fair that I can do the same for me. And likewise, if I can't love and respect myself, even with my shortcomings, then how can I claim to love anyone else, who will have all those same shortcomings?

I finally realized that this is why I needed to help others to help myself, and why they neede to help me, to help themselves. Together we could all be healed, while alone we were all hopeless drunks. This is the goodness of God's love, at work in us. This is the reality of "Christ", in our lives. And this is why you feel good when you do a good thing.

So stop spoiling it! *smile*

 

[cardero]

I can tolerate myself for reasonable periods of time.

There are some people who feel this same way and eagerly surround themselves with other people if just to take their mind off the thought and responsibility of thinking about loving themselves or prefer to be in company of others if just to wait for someone to drop a word of praise to reinforce their worthiness. One cannot rely on this kind of love for themselves. This may possibly be the reason why some people become religious because if they do not love themselves they like to support the faith that a deity above has enough love for the both of them. The truth remains though, that no one spends more time then they do with themselves. so if someone doesn't know how to love themselves they should learn early.

 

[BrandonE]

What a FANTASTIC post PureX!!!

 

[methylatedghosts]

Great post PureX

There are some people who feel this same way and eagerly surround themselves with other people if just to take their mind off the thought and responsibility of thinking about loving themselves or prefer to be in company of others if just to wait for someone to drop a word of praise to reinforce their worthiness. One cannot rely on this kind of love for themselves. This may possibly be the reason why some people becomes religious because if they do not love themselves they like to support the faith that a deity above has enough love for the both of them. The truth remains though, that no one spends more time then they do with themselves. so if someone doesn't know how to love themselves they should learn early.

I agree. Learning to love yourself is easier when you are young. I was fortunate enough to have parents that taught me that I was special, unique and all those wonderful things and so, I was taught that I was worth loving and I loved myself from an early age. Some people are not so fortunate. But that doesn't mean they can't learn now. It is all part of each person's lifepath.

 

[anders]

Say that I get an opportunity to help an elderly lady cross the road safely; soehow, I cannot help (after having helped her) feeling a sense of "Joy" at having done a good deed.

To me, that renders the deed valueless; I believe that I ought to go through life forever trying to help others - because I want to help others (There are occasions that we help people because we feel guilt, or some other emotion that does not make the deed totally altruistc).

Even if I can succeed in doing the deed totally without it satisfying a need in me, I believe that to feel joy, or pride at having done the dded invalidates the good of the deed. I just can't win - and that is one of my biggest hurdles in life; one to which I have no solution whatsoever.

It's late, and I haven't yet read all posts, but I think that I have a slightly different take. From my Buddhist/Daoist influenced thinking, I can identify with the conflict. But regardless of your religion (if any), feeling good helping others is no sin by any measure, as long as you don't take pride in it. Feeling good makes you want to do more favours to others to get more good "kicks", and so everybody profits, especially if you convince the thankful recipients that they should show their gratitude by helping others in their turn.