Does Publicly Talking About Sex Usually Embarrass You?

[Sunstone]

Do public discussions of human sexuality usually in most circumstances embarrass you or make you acutely uncomfortable?

It's quite popular in some cultures these days to confidently assert that "there is nothing about adult consensual sex that should embarrass or shame anyone. If you are embarrassed or shamed by public discussions of sex it is only because your society's evil dominant religion has brainwashed you, or because you have been unduly influenced by your society's stupid predominant morals. You should get over it! Free yourself and just get over it!"

Well, if scientists like primatologist Alison Jolly are right, it's not quite so simple.

Jolly -- along with some other scientists -- has argued that there are complex evolutionary reasons nearly every society on earth has one or another set of taboos about public sex (including in many instances, taboos about some ways of publicly discussing sex). We have, says Jolly, evolved instincts against public displays of sex that manifest themselves as embarrassment or discomfort when we observe such displays. Since those instincts are rooted in our genes, they won't go away just by yelling "begone!" at them.

Of course, it would be silly to argue that because taboos against public displays of sex are natural, we have no choice but to consider such displays immoral or forbidden. Human genes are not human destiny. We are a species that is almost always able to behave in ways that contradict our instincts -- if we make a very disciplined effort to do so. Consequently, it is within our power whether to "give in" to our genes and forbid public discussions of sex, or to rise above our nature and allow such discussions. But whichever way a society might choose, do not expect the instinctual taboo to completely disappear. At least not for everyone. Some folks will always be embarrassed or shamed by sex.

Comments?

 

[Frater Sisyphus]

Depends with who.

As a male, there is the occasional banter and innuendo with other male friends but it's not something you (via social conditioning) really get genuinely personal about in a social setting (unlike a psychologist for instance, lol). Even with partners I would feel it is reasonable to assume that a lot of couples have a tendency to not talk enough about these kinds of things in much detail (fearing that it would throw of their sexual relationship in some way), though I could be wrong.

But in general, it is considered inappropriate to talk to a random (sic) woman about sex, right? (or innuendo)

This, obviously is also tied to safety and comfort. Even if you really want to say something to someone that feels the same (same case with dating too), you'll often be very very reluctant unless you get a door (indication) in to be able to say it - logically fearing that it might put you in awkward situations or cause them to loose mutual respect (or worse - hate/despise you).

- but also social etiquette disparages this, for understandable reasons.

Ironically, we use reproductive language all the time in our modern social context via swearing. (since it's censored, just imagine them)

Also, on the note of male friends - when sexuality is mentioned, it has the almost default tendency to be self-depreciating. I think this is because humans tend to bond more easily over their connections of inadequacy or embarrassment.

Moral of the story; we are a contradictory species

 

[Phantasman]

Do public discussions of human sexuality usually in most circumstances embarrass you or make you acutely uncomfortable?

It's quite popular in some cultures these days to confidently assert that "there is nothing about adult consensual sex that should embarrass or shame anyone. If you are embarrassed or shamed by public discussions of sex it is only because your society's evil dominant religion has brainwashed you, or because you have been unduly influenced by your society's stupid predominant morals. You should get over it! Free yourself and just get over it!"

Well, if scientists like primatologist Alison Jolly are right, it's not quite so simple.

Jolly -- along with some other scientists -- has argued that there are complex evolutionary reasons nearly every society on earth has one or another set of taboos about public sex (including in many instances, taboos about some ways of publicly discussing sex). We have, says Jolly, evolved instincts against public displays of sex that manifest themselves as embarrassment or discomfort when we observe such displays. Since those instincts are rooted in our genes, they won't go away just by yelling "begone!" at them.

Of course, it would be silly to argue that because taboos against public displays of sex are natural, we have no choice but to consider such displays immoral or forbidden. Human genes are not human destiny. We are a species that is almost always able to behave in ways that contradict our instincts -- if we make a very disciplined effort to do so. Consequently, it is within our power whether to "give in" to our genes and forbid public discussions of sex, or to rise above our nature and allow such discussions. But whichever way a society might choose, do not expect the instinctual taboo to completely disappear. At least not for everyone. Some folks will always be embarrassed or shamed by sex.

Comments?

I said half and half. Personally, I have had enough dealings with sex through the years to understand what it means to me. At age 68 you know much more than a man 21 years old. If I understood relationships better at 21, I wouldn't have had to give away everything I owned to two previous wives. I was never an adulterer in my marriages. I never had any children of my own. I did take care of and raise others children though.

I was a late bloomer by todays standards. Virgin until almost 20. But sure made up for it for the next 20 years.

Morals have changed much since the 60s. I WAS a free love hippie though. Even though it was more a "hands" on love, over fearing getting someone pregnant. Back then, it was proper to marry the one you made so. Today, it's no big deal.

 

[Shadow Wolf]

We have, says Jolly, evolved instincts against public displays of sex that manifest themselves as embarrassment or discomfort when we observe such displays.

I must be broken, then. I've yet to be put into a situation where discussing anything related to sex has made me uncomfortable.

 

[Shadow Wolf]

Moral of the sort; we are a contradictory species

That we are.

 

[Terese]

I chose usually but not always

 

[Subduction Zone]

I said half. I know it is not logical but I was the product of a different time. Thinking back on it it is probably less than half now, but then it was less so in the past so on average it works out.

 

[Sunstone]

Moral of the story; we are a contradictory species

Agreed. Profoundly agreed.

 

[sandandfoam]

I think evolutionary explanations like the one you cite are in the same neck of the woods as 'common sense'. Cover for people pushing some agenda.
Repression isn't a good idea - look how it's been working out for the Catholic Church over the last few decades

 

[Saint Frankenstein]

Sometimes. I can be a prude at times.

 

[metis]

As an anthropologist now in his 70's, sex is just another basic function that I used to do. But I can still talk freely about it.

 

[VioletVortex]

No. I generally talk pretty openly about it and make jokes about my strange preferences. The first time someone found out about one of my fetishes, I was pretty embarassed but now I make jokes about it.

 

[Jayhawker Soule]

Do public discussions of human sexuality usually in most circumstances embarrass you or make you acutely uncomfortable?

PM me about it.

 

[Jesster]

It depends on the situation, but usually it does. It's not so much the sex topic that makes me uncomfortable though. I'm already not comfortable being open out in public, and more personal topics increase that discomfort. I'd be just as uncomfortable talking to someone about my finances.

 

[Skwim]

Several times members---never cared enough to remember their names---commented on my occasional posting of threads involving sex issues. Every time this has happened it brought to mind a sexual inhibition rooted in some kind of shame. Not that this was necessarily the case, but it's the first thing that popped to mind. That plus a modicum of sympathy.

As of this writing there is

1 vote for "Always or almost always"

1 vote for "Usually but not always"

2 votes for "about half the time"

8 votes for "Sometimes but not usually"
​

Altogether these make up 66.6% of all the answers (33% (6) said "Never or almost never")

To my mind this is pitiful. For 2/3 of the people who answered---adults I presume---talking about sex was embarrassing to some degree or another. I'm tempted to attribute it to a Christian mind set that encourages one to think of sex as indecent or shameful. And who knows, maybe it's a valid reaction. But whatever the case, I don't regard it as a healthy attitude.

.

 

[ADigitalArtist]

I don't mind discussing sex with friends or family, sometimes even strangers if the topic comes up in a discussion. Never at work though. Between the PT and massage there's a place of power and boundaries to keep myself and the patient safe. Discussing sex is a no go.

 

[ChristineM]

Do public discussions of human sexuality usually in most circumstances embarrass you or make you acutely uncomfortable?

It's quite popular in some cultures these days to confidently assert that "there is nothing about adult consensual sex that should embarrass or shame anyone. If you are embarrassed or shamed by public discussions of sex it is only because your society's evil dominant religion has brainwashed you, or because you have been unduly influenced by your society's stupid predominant morals. You should get over it! Free yourself and just get over it!"

Well, if scientists like primatologist Alison Jolly are right, it's not quite so simple.

Jolly -- along with some other scientists -- has argued that there are complex evolutionary reasons nearly every society on earth has one or another set of taboos about public sex (including in many instances, taboos about some ways of publicly discussing sex). We have, says Jolly, evolved instincts against public displays of sex that manifest themselves as embarrassment or discomfort when we observe such displays. Since those instincts are rooted in our genes, they won't go away just by yelling "begone!" at them.

Of course, it would be silly to argue that because taboos against public displays of sex are natural, we have no choice but to consider such displays immoral or forbidden. Human genes are not human destiny. We are a species that is almost always able to behave in ways that contradict our instincts -- if we make a very disciplined effort to do so. Consequently, it is within our power whether to "give in" to our genes and forbid public discussions of sex, or to rise above our nature and allow such discussions. But whichever way a society might choose, do not expect the instinctual taboo to completely disappear. At least not for everyone. Some folks will always be embarrassed or shamed by sex.

Comments?

Discussion about sex has never embarrassed me, perhaps being brought up on a farm has something to do with it because back in the UK it did make some people uncomfortable.

Here in France (not sure if its local or national) discussion on sex is common place although, never too personal personal as a dinner topic.

 

[Rival]

Nope.