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Does punishment work?
- Thread starter Rex
- Start date
Runt
Well-Known Member
In my experience no punishment given to me by my parents has deterred me from anything. I simply take greater care in the future in not getting caught.
Than again, I have never really done anything too bad. I'm a pretty well behaved teenager.
My crimes against my parents include eating in my room, borrowing my dad's CDs without asking, not doing homework, staying out fifteen minutes too late with friends without calling, etc. So the punishments have never been anything more than, "You can't go out tonight until you...." or "you CAN'T go out tonight" or THE LECTURE. Not enough to make me change my ways.
However, I think the understanding that something displeases our parents, coupled with the understanding of WHY it displeases them, eventually leads to healthier decisions. I have never been in trouble for smoking because I have never smoked... and I don't smoke because my parents told me from a young age how bad it is for you and that they don't like it... so that when the "peer pressure" (with is overrated, in my opinion) came along, I just didn't feel it was worth it.
Than again, I have never really done anything too bad. I'm a pretty well behaved teenager.
My crimes against my parents include eating in my room, borrowing my dad's CDs without asking, not doing homework, staying out fifteen minutes too late with friends without calling, etc. So the punishments have never been anything more than, "You can't go out tonight until you...." or "you CAN'T go out tonight" or THE LECTURE. Not enough to make me change my ways.However, I think the understanding that something displeases our parents, coupled with the understanding of WHY it displeases them, eventually leads to healthier decisions. I have never been in trouble for smoking because I have never smoked... and I don't smoke because my parents told me from a young age how bad it is for you and that they don't like it... so that when the "peer pressure" (with is overrated, in my opinion) came along, I just didn't feel it was worth it.
Truthseeker5
Member
Well I tell you something Dick Turpin didn't rob anybody else after he had been hung.
Truthseeker5
Member
:lol: :lol: :lol: Thank your Dad for me I will remeber that if they ever try to rope me into jury service.
OctoberTheHottie
Member
When I was younger, first off I didn't have much in the way of punishment, really... quite sad now when I think about it. I think my mom just didn't want to deal and I took control over her and ran her down at an early age. But now that I am 27 I understand how important it is, I am seeing more and more that if I had been disiplined more that I would have less problems to fix now. Like for instance I knew it was bad to lie, and thought I didn't do it much, but because there wasn't a big enought effort made to check up on me when I was younger I guess I was just fooling myself, and have had to learn the hard way now that I am older. I think on a parent/child level that for the most part kids don't get it when they are punished and it seems like it is not doing any good, but it really isn't about punishment, it is about repetativeness, if you continually punish your kids over and over, probably for the same things, one day they will get it, they will understand, well, well, after the bad habits are non-existent, and all of that is the pay off, it's not about them understanding, or even seeing a difference being made, it is about one day all of thier bad habits and bad behaviors being gone away. As parents you have to stick with it, never, ever tire of what seems to be a lost cause, because if you do, the only lost cause is going to be your children growing up with absolutely no skills to help them in the real world, literally they will be eatten alive. So to me that is what punishment and disapline is all about.
It is a hard job, but if it comes down to your kid doing something they shouldn't they are either going to think, 'well, even if I get caught, nothing is going to happen, or 'you know, I probably won't get caught, but if I do, I really don't want to hear about it from my parents and have to deal with being grounded AGAIN....' unfortunately it might not always go through their head like that, but that is what you are shooting for. And another thing, I think the biggest problem is parents don't understand that you have to give your kids respect in order to get it, there are no 2 ways about it. And it is only when you have a mutual respect that during that thought process are they going to think 'I could lie, but I would only end up telling them the truth instead'. If you are completely honest with your kids and expect nothing less from them, then it will truly make them feel bad to lie to you. I definatly only know that from expirence from being with my fiance, so I really don't know if that can keep a teenager from being at the mall and not leaving with all of thier friends to go to some party that you wouldn't approve of because they could get home without you knowing they weren't at the mall the whole time, but I am willing to guess it is as good a chance as any....
It is a hard job, but if it comes down to your kid doing something they shouldn't they are either going to think, 'well, even if I get caught, nothing is going to happen, or 'you know, I probably won't get caught, but if I do, I really don't want to hear about it from my parents and have to deal with being grounded AGAIN....' unfortunately it might not always go through their head like that, but that is what you are shooting for. And another thing, I think the biggest problem is parents don't understand that you have to give your kids respect in order to get it, there are no 2 ways about it. And it is only when you have a mutual respect that during that thought process are they going to think 'I could lie, but I would only end up telling them the truth instead'. If you are completely honest with your kids and expect nothing less from them, then it will truly make them feel bad to lie to you. I definatly only know that from expirence from being with my fiance, so I really don't know if that can keep a teenager from being at the mall and not leaving with all of thier friends to go to some party that you wouldn't approve of because they could get home without you knowing they weren't at the mall the whole time, but I am willing to guess it is as good a chance as any....
OctoberTheHottie
Member
When I was younger, first off I didn't have much in the way of punishment, really... quite sad now when I think about it. I think my mom just didn't want to deal and I took control over her and ran her down at an early age. But now that I am 27 I understand how important it is, I am seeing more and more that if I had been disiplined more that I would have less problems to fix now. Like for instance I knew it was bad to lie, and thought I didn't do it much, but because there wasn't a big enought effort made to check up on me when I was younger I guess I was just fooling myself, and have had to learn the hard way now that I am older. I think on a parent/child level that for the most part kids don't get it when they are punished and it seems like it is not doing any good, but it really isn't about punishment, it is about repetativeness, if you continually punish your kids over and over, probably for the same things, one day they will get it, they will understand, well, well, after the bad habits are non-existent, and all of that is the pay off, it's not about them understanding, or even seeing a difference being made, it is about one day all of thier bad habits and bad behaviors being gone away. As parents you have to stick with it, never, ever tire of what seems to be a lost cause, because if you do, the only lost cause is going to be your children growing up with absolutely no skills to help them in the real world, literally they will be eatten alive. So to me that is what punishment and disapline is all about.
It is a hard job, but if it comes down to your kid doing something they shouldn't they are either going to think, 'well, even if I get caught, nothing is going to happen, or 'you know, I probably won't get caught, but if I do, I really don't want to hear about it from my parents and have to deal with being grounded AGAIN....' unfortunately it might not always go through their head like that, but that is what you are shooting for. And another thing, I think the biggest problem is parents don't understand that you have to give your kids respect in order to get it, there are no 2 ways about it. And it is only when you have a mutual respect that during that thought process are they going to think 'I could lie, but I would only end up telling them the truth instead'. If you are completely honest with your kids and expect nothing less from them, then it will truly make them feel bad to lie to you. I definatly only know that from expirence from being with my fiance, so I really don't know if that can keep a teenager from being at the mall and not leaving with all of thier friends to go to some party that you wouldn't approve of because they could get home without you knowing they weren't at the mall the whole time, but I am willing to guess it is as good a chance as any....
It is a hard job, but if it comes down to your kid doing something they shouldn't they are either going to think, 'well, even if I get caught, nothing is going to happen, or 'you know, I probably won't get caught, but if I do, I really don't want to hear about it from my parents and have to deal with being grounded AGAIN....' unfortunately it might not always go through their head like that, but that is what you are shooting for. And another thing, I think the biggest problem is parents don't understand that you have to give your kids respect in order to get it, there are no 2 ways about it. And it is only when you have a mutual respect that during that thought process are they going to think 'I could lie, but I would only end up telling them the truth instead'. If you are completely honest with your kids and expect nothing less from them, then it will truly make them feel bad to lie to you. I definatly only know that from expirence from being with my fiance, so I really don't know if that can keep a teenager from being at the mall and not leaving with all of thier friends to go to some party that you wouldn't approve of because they could get home without you knowing they weren't at the mall the whole time, but I am willing to guess it is as good a chance as any....
Ceridwen018
Well-Known Member
I've always felt particularly oppressed by my parents. I don't like to talk about it, because it makes me feel like such a whiner, but for all you parents out there, I have a little advice: remember that punishment is a negative action (whether its effects end up being positive or not), and too much negativity isn't good for any kid. Also, once a good disciplinary foundation has been set with a kid, he'll eventually come to punish himself when he does something wrong, either in anticipation of coming parental wrath (hehe), or because he's developed his own standards.
Also, I would say to parents, that they should not be afraid to lay aside the strict boundaries of 'parent/child' when their kid gets to the proper age (mid teens, perhaps), in favor of a more friendship-based relationship. My parents still treat me like I'm 5-- they don't talk to me like an adult and they don't try to get to know me. Oh well, I am their oldest kid, so perhaps I can teach them the proper way of handling the teen years for my sibs! :killme:
Also, I would say to parents, that they should not be afraid to lay aside the strict boundaries of 'parent/child' when their kid gets to the proper age (mid teens, perhaps), in favor of a more friendship-based relationship. My parents still treat me like I'm 5-- they don't talk to me like an adult and they don't try to get to know me. Oh well, I am their oldest kid, so perhaps I can teach them the proper way of handling the teen years for my sibs! :killme:
I never ever received any physical punishment from my parents. Some people may argue that I was exposed to psychological punishment when doing something unacceptable, but I'd rather say that what was right and wrong was explained to us three children in a (non-confessional) way that we accepted, and so we developed a conscience.