Yes, the documentary I saw was mentioned in this article. Thanks for linking us to it, Maija!
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Eating Disorders
- Thread starter dgirl1986
- Start date
Yes, the documentary I saw was mentioned in this article. Thanks for linking us to it, Maija!
I was overweight in high school (about 210 pounds) and most days after school (especially during musical season where dancing would be involved) I would make myself throw up. I would lose some weight, but would gain it right back over the summer.
After high school, I went on a weight loss program. Most weeks I would lose at least half a pound, but during those weeks where I ended up gaining weight, I would again make myself puke.
I don't do it as much, but when there are times where I feel I've eaten too much (like when my stomach hurts from walking after overstuffing a meal), I will make myself throw up. I know it is absolutely disgusting to do and I'm reconditioning myself to not do it anymore. Especially since I have promised myself to be a healthier me.
By the way, my gender is stated as neutral, but my sex is male.
After high school, I went on a weight loss program. Most weeks I would lose at least half a pound, but during those weeks where I ended up gaining weight, I would again make myself puke.
I don't do it as much, but when there are times where I feel I've eaten too much (like when my stomach hurts from walking after overstuffing a meal), I will make myself throw up. I know it is absolutely disgusting to do and I'm reconditioning myself to not do it anymore. Especially since I have promised myself to be a healthier me.
By the way, my gender is stated as neutral, but my sex is male.
Maija
Active Member
Yes, the documentary I saw was mentioned in this article. Thanks for linking us to it, Maija!
Does anyone else feel guilt abandoning their ED?
I've come along way. I remember at the start of recovery and for a few years afterwards, I knew I was living a life that didn't make sense. All I knew and cared about was the ED.
I remember one of my low moments was when a friend asked me to please, use the regular salad dressing on my salad instead of the non fat. I went to the bathroom, looking literally for a window to climb out and leave, :run: I would have left my friend in the restaurant!... Luckily, she knew me quite well and brought me too sanity.
But, I wasn't ready to yet discard this ED identity, I think because it was blocking out some trauma I somewhere knew I wasn't ready to deal with.
That and I didn't even know who I was without the ED, it felt so vulnerable to start over, so bare to feel so alone with yourself and a bare slate- not so much i am nothing but I have limited myself to this label...an awkward feeling of being left with myself when I didn't know who that person was.
Anyway, I'll stop ranting- sometimes I wish there was a forum to unload such things but I'm afraid it would tap into the "ED as an identity," and trigger me back into bad habits.
I hope this made sense.
I hope you guys are well!
I totally understand what you're saying. It's not so much guilt when I establish healthy eating habits, but mentally and emotionally I feel as if I'm going far far past guilt. It's as if the majority of eating habits are out of control, and the ED mentality is all about self-discipline and control. It's like a mortal sin. Way past guilt. It just doesn't register emotionally as either anything healthy or that it's just putting my hand in the cookie jar once or twice. It's as emotionally distressing as stealing everybody's food or money.
Intellectually, I know better.
It's also a very lonely place. Well, except sadly for some online communities that will give support to those who suffer from ED in the form of giving "how-to" advice and a "go-get-'em" attitude when it comes to supporting the ED activities. How to suppress appetite, what diuretics work best, how many calories are burned in the shortest amount of time, how to implement juice fasts and water fasts longer, and so on.
For me, though, it was terribly lonely. I have looked at these sites, and thank goodness there's enough awareness for me to have all kinds of red flags going up to not engage in them. I find red flags going off because I find myself envying these people for their self-control and their goal-settings. So, I don't engage and I implement cognitive behavior techniques to come back to eating habits that are healthy.
dgirl1986
Big Queer Chesticles!
Do ya'll think Eating Disorders primarily affect women? I rarely hear men discussing it.
If so, I wonder why?
You hear about it primarily affecting women but I think that is maybe because men don't seem to really talk about it. This could be due shame, embarassment, denial etc because of the social stereotype of eating disorders. There is a guy who started an eating disorder podcast because he couldnt find any that included men in their demographic
aemojohn258
New Member
I am also suffering from eating disorder and my weight is losing too much and my health is not well, what should i do to get my weight gain back and i feel strong and healthy.
dgirl1986
Big Queer Chesticles!
Have you consulted your GP yet?
illykitty
RF's pet cat
I have poor body image.
When I was a teen, I started eating less and exercising a little. It degenerated into eating very little, having strong pains in the stomach so much that I was hungry. I woke up and felt so hungry I had to eat something or I felt I would faint. But it was easy compared to doing it the healthy way.
But at the same time I love food and can eat a lot. So that stopped in my late teens, I fell in love and he was the only thing on my mind, I didn't think about what I ate anymore. I gained 30+ pounds.
Is it wrong that part of me regrets that? Not so much eating more but loosing mindfulness of what I ate. Now I'm trying to do it the healthy way but haven't got much motivation and it's really hard.
When I was a teen, I started eating less and exercising a little. It degenerated into eating very little, having strong pains in the stomach so much that I was hungry. I woke up and felt so hungry I had to eat something or I felt I would faint. But it was easy compared to doing it the healthy way.
But at the same time I love food and can eat a lot. So that stopped in my late teens, I fell in love and he was the only thing on my mind, I didn't think about what I ate anymore. I gained 30+ pounds.
Is it wrong that part of me regrets that? Not so much eating more but loosing mindfulness of what I ate. Now I'm trying to do it the healthy way but haven't got much motivation and it's really hard.
Aquitaine
Well-Known Member
It wouldn't surprise me if our constant and ubiquitous artificial "perfect body" media bombardments contribute negatively to issues such as this.... (?)
I had a breakthrough recently. I saw how I looked in tight leggings and a tank top while rehearsing for our show, and for the first time didn't think I looked fat. In fact, I thought to myself that I needed to gain some weight because the image was concerning.
Sure I've been busy with the business and the performance (got on stage again whoot whoot). But I was astonished how the mind suddenly switched into seeing my body as needing nutrition instead of believing I looked too big for a stage performance.
I also became cognizant of how often I was wearing ultra baggy clothes for a few months now. It's a sign of hiding - which I would do a lot when I'm in my mode of anorexia nervosa.
Sure I've been busy with the business and the performance (got on stage again whoot whoot). But I was astonished how the mind suddenly switched into seeing my body as needing nutrition instead of believing I looked too big for a stage performance.
I also became cognizant of how often I was wearing ultra baggy clothes for a few months now. It's a sign of hiding - which I would do a lot when I'm in my mode of anorexia nervosa.
Aquitaine
Well-Known Member
Good to hear. :yes:
dgirl1986
Big Queer Chesticles!
I think I have got a good handle on my binge eating which is good. They are happening less frequently I dont eat as near as much as I did. Trying to focus on weightloss so I am calorie counting and trying to do a mimi chunk of zumba here and there. Get annoyed at myself when I splurge though.