Families and adoption-- stigma or not?

[Noirhaired]

I'm minoring in Family studies at school and one of the topics we had to think about last week was regarding adoption. I have always considered adoption as an alternative to having biological children-- maybe it's just me, but a child is a child. Parents can really do a lot to shape who their children turn out to be. But I'm always told that having "your own" is more meaningful and special, and couples who "don't try hard enough" (meaning: fertility therapies) to have "their own" are being selfish. Yes, I know I have actually heard that argument before. I know it's a matter of personal preference but considering the world's current population, the number of eligible children within the foster and adoption system, and the aging population, is it really an unreasonable consideration for a couple to want to adopt in lieu of having a biological child?

I'm not against getting pregnant and having one the old fashioned way-- but I think that there is still a very big stigma against adoption. For some, the thought of raising another child who does not share your DNA seems "wrong" to some people, and if the child is not from the same ethnic background as yourself, it's even more "wrong". How can that be? What is so "wrong" about wanting to adopt so you can be a parent? I'm not saying that having a child the old fashioned way is "wrong" but why is having your own biological child "more special" or better? that's something I just can't understand.

I know that the adoption process can be very lengthy and expensive-- but so are medical bills for hospital childbirth and getting pregnant. Either way, children cost something:yes:

What are everyone else's thoughts regarding this? Is there still a stigma on adoption, or is having your own biological child more special?

 

[lizskid]

I am an adopted child, and the process is now very different than when I was a baby. First of all, there are few white babies available as more people are keeping children (children having children in many cases), and the communication to Asian countries is much better to allow those adoptions. Yes, the differences are seen immediately then, in some cases, but those children still need loving parents. Is it wrong to consider that instead of biological children? I can't think that it is. Will it become more the norm? Probably not, as people still feel that biological urge to procreate.

Interesting questions.

 

[Comprehend]

I'm minoring in Family studies at school and one of the topics we had to think about last week was regarding adoption. I have always considered adoption as an alternative to having biological children-- maybe it's just me, but a child is a child. Parents can really do a lot to shape who their children turn out to be. But I'm always told that having "your own" is more meaningful and special, and couples who "don't try hard enough" (meaning: fertility therapies) to have "their own" are being selfish. Yes, I know I have actually heard that argument before. I know it's a matter of personal preference but considering the world's current population, the number of eligible children within the foster and adoption system, and the aging population, is it really an unreasonable consideration for a couple to want to adopt in lieu of having a biological child?

I'm not against getting pregnant and having one the old fashioned way-- but I think that there is still a very big stigma against adoption. For some, the thought of raising another child who does not share your DNA seems "wrong" to some people, and if the child is not from the same ethnic background as yourself, it's even more "wrong". How can that be? What is so "wrong" about wanting to adopt so you can be a parent? I'm not saying that having a child the old fashioned way is "wrong" but why is having your own biological child "more special" or better? that's something I just can't understand.

I know that the adoption process can be very lengthy and expensive-- but so are medical bills for hospital childbirth and getting pregnant. Either way, children cost something:yes:

What are everyone else's thoughts regarding this? Is there still a stigma on adoption, or is having your own biological child more special?

My little sister is adopted and I don't think it has made one bit of difference her whole life. I never considered her any less of a sister than my other three. I think she feels the same way. I don't think there is anything selfish about adoption either. I have never heard that argument before.

 

[evearael]

What are everyone else's thoughts regarding this? Is there still a stigma on adoption, or is having your own biological child more special?

The expense and the added difficulties for a military family to adopt make it impossible for us to adopt at this time. I hope that our circumstances will change in the future to allow it. I don't attach any sort of stigma to adoption and I believe children are all special.

 

[Noirhaired]

I wonder if I'm a weirdo-- I don't feel the need to procreate But I guess after I get married and desire to become a parent that may be different. I like babies alot, but I also like children in general a lot.

I remember job shadowing a psychologist at a early childhood education center and finding out that many of the children there were adopted-- it was rather interesting to be honest. One family was of white parents, and they adopted all 4 of their children-- two of them black, and one of them Oriental, and another one white. They seem pretty happy. Another family had one Oriental parent, and the other one was white, and their 3 children were mixed Oriental/white, and the other two were adopted and they were black, and oriental. It was like being at a miniature people UN convention

But I know that sometimes people are uncomfortable with raising another person's child and may feel that the adopted child may receive different treatment. I know I sorta saw that with a family I worked with a while back-- both children were adopted but the mother treated them the same way in regards to discipline, encouragement, and guidance. However, the father really doted on the younger child who was a girl and even encouraged a lot of her bad behavior, and he was always yelling at the older son and was pretty mean to be honest-- or that could just have to do with the fact that the father didn't like teenage boys...don't really know.

I also know that a friend of mine has only one cousin, but because the cousin was adopted, he doesn't feel that he's a "real cousin". I think that's mean...and dehumanizing.

BUT I do think that adoption has social benefits. There's a pretty strong corellation between the formation of nonbiological families and lowering the abortion rate. Just my observation.

And I mean, as far as ethnicity goes, if there are many interracial couples getting partnered/married and are having their own children, is it really that big of a deal for another couple to adopt a child of another ethnicity/race? It just doesn't make sense to me that it's okay for two people of different ethnic groups can marry and procreate, but if a same-ethnic group couple adopts a child of different ethnicity, it isn't right.

Is my psychobabble making sense? Sorry, I'm sorta formulating ideas for an essay I have to write in relation to this topic.

 

[evearael]

If you don't feel the need to procreate, there is nothing wrong with you and you certainly shouldn't be coerced into it. Your feelings may change with time... or not.

I want my daughter to be a bit older before adopting or fostering. I want her to be able to vocalize appropriately if something is wrong.

My neighbors worked for years in children's homes and they witnessed all sorts of racist red tape. A couple wanted to adopt a child of another race and was denied because the social worker thought she should be with "her people"... even though the child just wanted parents and didn't care what color their skin was. Sadly, this case wasn't unique.

 

[Hope]

I wish more people would adopt. There are too many children out there in desperate need of loving homes and families.

I personally have no desire to "procreate"----at least for the foreseeable future, and I'm not getting any younger here----but I love children (as contradictory as that may sound), and I've always had a soft spot in my heart for orphaned and/or unwanted children. I don't see how wanting to adopt children can be viewed as selfish. At least, not any more than wanting biological children. Many people want biological children for mainly selfish reasons (wanting to see what the children look like, wanting to have descendents, etc.). As long as the children are raised in a loving environment, where they are treated equally, I think it should make no difference whether the children are biological or adopted.

 

[Noirhaired]

I don't think it's contradictory to not want to procreate yet to still like children. That's like saying...people who want abortion to remain legal hate children (I'm one of those people but I really adore children).

It is rather sad that there is a lot of red tape regarding race in adoption-- a girl I met in class told me that in social work, she's come across ethnic-based interest groups that are very strongly against interracial adoptions, because of "wanting to keep cultural pureness" whatever that means. And then they wonder why minority children tend to be one of the highest groups in adoption who are still waiting for a family??

I know a lot of people really believe you should try to have "your own". I saw a program on the Discovery health channel where a sister got an ovary from her twin. Not that there is anything wrong with that, but I remember the husband saying "I don't want to adopt if I can have my own." It's as if he was implying something negative about adoption.

I've met girls in school who were adopted but were very much so their parents' child. And I know in regards to race/ethnicity, I've met a few Indians who were adopted and wish they weren't because they felt disconnected from their "true cultural heritage." While this may be a concern, isn't it really up to the parents to educate their child regarding these things? I never really thought it mattered much...I mean, heck I know people whose parents are immigrants and they know nothing about their cultural heritage! But I think one of the girls I met was really discouraged by another Indian girl who was an Indian national. Apparently, the girl from India made it sound like having white parents was "horrible" and she recommended that the other girl go back to India to "find her real parents." Not much help for the identity crisis?

I once worked with a woman who had a very racist streak when it came to whites and blacks being together in any sort of relationship. She once told me that a white woman had no business having or adopting a black baby or a mixed baby because it "wasn't right". Ironically enough though she then said "Well, if you go ahead and do that it's fine."