Feeling empty and alone

[JustGeorge]

It would appear your friend didn't have it as bad as Massimo2002. As you said, your former-roommate had friends. Massimo2002 is struggling with friendships. You will also find that there are many guys who do have a hard time being friends with women. I think that is a common occurrence.

No, she didn't have it bad. I just wanted to point out that a hypersexual person can indeed be friends with the opposite gender.

Cutting a giant chuck of the population(in this case, women) out as potential friends, and then being upset about loneliness seems a bit counter productive.

I've met a few(both men and women) who struggle to befriend people of the opposite gender. I understand most probably can't help that... It seems a shame, though.

 

[Evangelicalhumanist]

Life for me is confusing and disappointing an example is getting guys attracted to me on the internet instead of women another example is not having any friends and a final example is not having a meaningful life.

Get off the internet and out into the real world. I mean it. If you are at all religious, go attend a service that appeals to you. Shake a couple of hands going in and coming out. Do it a few times in the same place, and people will start ot expect your coming, and that can lead to them opening up to you.

If not a religion, try the "Y" or your local fitness club -- or even your local pub! Nobody says you have to drink alcohol when you're in the pub -- you can always just enjoy a soda and snack -- but whatever you do, do it at the bar, not at a table. Always a good place to eventually talk to somebody. You can comment on whatever game is on the TV, for example -- "Hey, that Connor McDavid is amazing, eh?" It is often from such small beginnings that lasting friendships form.

Look on the bright side of everything: if guys are attracted to you -- that means you're attractive! That's a great start, but you just have to remember that women are not quite so open about being attracted to someone, so you may have to observe a little: is there someone looking at me whenever I'm not looking? (Use mirrors or window reflections.)

As to a meaningful life, I'm afraid you have to provide your own meaning. You need to understand who you are, what makes you feel good, what angers you, what you care about. When you have and pursue an interest with true energy, other people with like interests notice, and that's all you need. But it has to come from you first, I'm sorry. Nobody can provide meaning for you. Only you can do that. But when you've found it, you'll find that it leads you to many things that you are not finding right now.

 

[Evangelicalhumanist]

I could try it but I would rather just have guys as friends and women for sexual needs.

That could be a real problem for you, I'm afraid -- mostly because the women in question will eventually figure it out. Women (at least most of the ones I know) don't want to be just a sexual plaything for a man -- they want the emotional, personal part of him, as well. The best heterosexual relationships, like the best of every other kind of relationship, is when the parties are fundamentally real and true friends as well as lovers/sexual partners.

 

[Massimo2002]

Get off the internet and out into the real world. I mean it. If you are at all religious, go attend a service that appeals to you. Shake a couple of hands going in and coming out. Do it a few times in the same place, and people will start ot expect your coming, and that can lead to them opening up to you.

If not a religion, try the "Y" or your local fitness club -- or even your local pub! Nobody says you have to drink alcohol when you're in the pub -- you can always just enjoy a soda and snack -- but whatever you do, do it at the bar, not at a table. Always a good place to eventually talk to somebody. You can comment on whatever game is on the TV, for example -- "Hey, that Connor McDavid is amazing, eh?" It is often from such small beginnings that lasting friendships form.

Look on the bright side of everything: if guys are attracted to you -- that means you're attractive! That's a great start, but you just have to remember that women are not quite so open about being attracted to someone, so you may have to observe a little: is there someone looking at me whenever I'm not looking? (Use mirrors or window reflections.)

As to a meaningful life, I'm afraid you have to provide your own meaning. You need to understand who you are, what makes you feel good, what angers you, what you care about. When you have and pursue an interest with true energy, other people with like interests notice, and that's all you need. But it has to come from you first, I'm sorry. Nobody can provide meaning for you. Only you can do that. But when you've found it, you'll find that it leads you to many things that you are not finding right now.

I appreciate your answer but me finding meaning sounds daunting and really disappointing because I want someone else to do it it would make life easier and I am out in the real world right now as I am typing this and it's overwhelming and a rat race with fast pace.

 

[Evangelicalhumanist]

I appreciate your answer but me finding meaning sounds daunting and really disappointing because I want someone else to do it it would make life easier and I am out in the real world right now as I am typing this and it's overwhelming and a rat race with fast pace.

Well, whatever you might want, the chances of getting it go way, way down if you won't make any effort yourself. Ignoring the "rat race" isn't hard, really -- and especially since you're in Edmonton. I'm in downtown Toronto and I ignore it totally, by simply focussing on me, or who I'm with, or what I'm doing. All the rest of it is just background noise.

But how you expect somebody else to "find meaning" for you escapes me altogether. How would they know what you like or care about or hate? Nobody is more intimately connected with you than you are yourself. If you are going to just try to take the easy way out of everything, nothing anybody here says is going to help you -- I can sincerely promise you that. This is your life, not ours.

 

[Massimo2002]

Well, whatever you might want, the chances of getting it go way, way down if you won't make any effort yourself. Ignoring the "rat race" isn't hard, really -- and especially since you're in Edmonton. I'm in downtown Toronto and I ignore it totally, by simply focussing on me, or who I'm with, or what I'm doing. All the rest of it is just background noise.

But how you expect somebody else to "find meaning" for you escapes me altogether. How would they know what you like or care about or hate? Nobody is more intimately connected with you than you are yourself. If you are going to just try to take the easy way out of everything, nothing anybody here says is going to help you -- I can sincerely promise you that. This is your life, not ours.

For me it's hard.

 

[Elliott]

No, she didn't have it bad. I just wanted to point out that a hypersexual person can indeed be friends with the opposite gender.

Cutting a giant chuck of the population(in this case, women) out as potential friends, and then being upset about loneliness seems a bit counter productive.

I've met a few(both men and women) who struggle to befriend people of the opposite gender. I understand most probably can't help that... It seems a shame, though.

I understand and what you're saying does make sense. The issue is that the majority of us struggle with our emotions, regardless of which kind of emotion it is. I realize it's a little different with sexual emotions. I myself see my unchecked emotions as a major problem in my own life. This is why i find the Vulcan ideology of handling emotions to be very important for us as a society. Of course Star Trek is fiction, so i don't take all Vulcan teachings at face value, but i see tremendous benefit and potential in learning to control our emotions via meditation.

 

[JustGeorge]

I understand and what you're saying does make sense. The issue is that the majority of us struggle with our emotions, regardless of which kind of emotion it is. I realize it's a little different with sexual emotions. I myself see my unchecked emotions as a major problem in my own life. This is why i find the Vulcan ideology of handling emotions to be very important for us as a society. Of course Star Trek is fiction, so i don't take all Vulcan teachings at face value, but i see tremendous benefit and potential in learning to control our emotions via meditation.

What's the Vulcan ideology of handling emotions? (Forgive my ignorance on the topic.)

 

[Elliott]

What's the Vulcan ideology of handling emotions? (Forgive my ignorance on the topic.)

As a trekie i am officially insulted. But there is hope for you yet. Recite ten heil-spocks and you'll be on your way to redemption.

 

[Eddi]

Life for me is confusing and disappointing an example is getting guys attracted to me on the internet instead of women another example is not having any friends and a final example is not having a meaningful life.

Can you not get a dog or a cat?

A man's best friend is his dog

I prefer my dog to most people and would feel much lonelier without her

She's a good girl

Pets are good for mental health and wellbeing

Stroking them has been proven to have health benefits

 

[Elliott]

What's the Vulcan ideology of handling emotions? (Forgive my ignorance on the topic.)

Star Trek does not give a detailed explanation of Vulcan practices. That being said, Vulcans spend their live working on mental discipline in an effort to banish all emotions. As i mentioned, meditation plays a very important role in this practice.

Practically speaking, i don't think our goal should be to banish emotions outright, but to learn to control them and not let them control us.

 

[JustGeorge]

Star Trek does not give a detailed explanation of Vulcan practices. That being said, Vulcans spend their live working on mental discipline in an effort to banish all emotions. As i mentioned, meditation plays a very important role in this practice.

Practically speaking, i don't think our goal should be to banish emotions outright, but to learn to control them and not let them control us.

I don't know... I'd like to get rid of mine. So, it seems sound to me.

 

[Elliott]

I don't know... I'd like to get rid of mine. So, it seems sound to me.

I thought so too at one time. Who knows, maybe it is better to be rid of them.

 

[JustGeorge]

I thought so too at one time. Who knows, maybe it is better to be rid of them.

I've never found a good use for them.

 

[Evangelicalhumanist]

Star Trek does not give a detailed explanation of Vulcan practices. That being said, Vulcans spend their live working on mental discipline in an effort to banish all emotions. As i mentioned, meditation plays a very important role in this practice.

Practically speaking, i don't think our goal should be to banish emotions outright, but to learn to control them and not let them control us.

I don't know... I'd like to get rid of mine. So, it seems sound to me.

I thought so too at one time. Who knows, maybe it is better to be rid of them.

I've never found a good use for them.

Organisms (which we are all) are algorithms -- and emotions are one of the important ways in which those algorithms express themselves so that we may respond appropriately.

 

[Elliott]

Organisms (which we are all) are algorithms -- and emotions are one of the important ways in which those algorithms express themselves so that we may respond appropriately.

The reality is, even with algorithms, humans are prone to mistakes; many fatal mistakes in fact. One may logically conclude that emotions are part of the problem.

 

[Evangelicalhumanist]

The reality is, even with algorithms, humans are prone to mistakes; many fatal mistakes in fact. One may logically conclude that emotions are part of the problem.

As are all other organisms. If it were not so, then only the organism that makes no mistakes would survive on this planet, since no others would find anything to eat. Welcome to nature, bloody in tooth and claw.

 

[Elliott]

As are all other organisms. If it were not so, then only the organism that makes no mistakes would survive on this planet, since no others would find anything to eat. Welcome to nature, bloody in tooth and claw.

You don't think there's a better way to live? Is survival of the fittest the best we got?

 

[Evangelicalhumanist]

You don't think there's a better way to live? Is survival of the fittest the best we got?

If you can remove yourself from nature, sure, why not? Can you?

 

[Elliott]

If you can remove yourself from nature, sure, why not? Can you?

We've both presented our positions at this point so I'll leave it at that.