Feigning beliefs during extraordinary times

[Sees]

How do you see the act of feigning similar beliefs with a person who is under a very difficult and traumatic experience?

A family friend had one or more people break into a home and shoot all the children in the head during new year celebrations less than 24 hours ago. I will probably talk with this person soon and I plan to offer some comfort in terms of general wisdom/understanding but also her personal religion.

How do you see this and how would you play it when/if the time comes?

Thank you

 

[Windwalker]

My God! That's horrid! The last thing this person needs is a discussion about beliefs. He just need someone, anyone to be there for him.

 

[4consideration]

I think all you can do is to cry with them.

I have not found words to be very helpful in moments of extreme grief.

 

[dyanaprajna2011]

I agree with Windwalker. Just be someone to listen, without offering any advice. Sometimes, we can speak volumes by remaining silent.

 

[Thana]

Mm, There really are no words that can help in times like that, And a discussion about beliefs will most likely not be very helpful or comforting.

I hope your friend will be okay.

 

[AmbiguousGuy]

How do you see the act of feigning similar beliefs with a person who is under a very difficult and traumatic experience?

A family friend had one or more people break into a home and shoot all the children in the head during new year celebrations less than 24 hours ago. I will probably talk with this person soon and I plan to offer some comfort in terms of general wisdom/understanding but also her personal religion.

How do you see this and how would you play it when/if the time comes?

Thank you

Personally, I would play it quietly, with as few specifics as you can get away with. I certainly wouldn't volunteer theology.

In my experience, people in that place are not looking for complex theological understanding so much as just some human warmth.

 

[Sees]

My God! That's horrid! The last thing this person needs is a discussion about beliefs. He just need someone, anyone to be there for him.

That is the way I've done it initially in the past when military and civilian overseas but often people ask about how or why God, Jesus, etc. could let this happen or why they didn't die as well. A lot of people only their religious beliefs are relevant at these crazy times, so you end up eventually giving some words of comfort dealing with their beliefs or flat out ignore them. Tough call

I don't have experience with it in a normal Midwest American town...rather lost in general how to approach it. In war zone people know it could happen any time any day but a residential neighborhood is insanity.

 

[Sees]

Thanks all, I will try to be as silent, yet loving and comforting as I can get away with.

This person is a church regular and hopefully her pastor is already around her.

 

[4consideration]

I think love and compassion dictates that one leave aside what one does not agree with in a friend's theological beliefs at such a time.

One does not have to pretend to have answers one does not have. IMO, in response to questions like "Why? Why would this happen?" "I don't know" is a valid answer.

 

[Penumbra]

How do you see the act of feigning similar beliefs with a person who is under a very difficult and traumatic experience?

A family friend had one or more people break into a home and shoot all the children in the head during new year celebrations less than 24 hours ago. I will probably talk with this person soon and I plan to offer some comfort in terms of general wisdom/understanding but also her personal religion.

How do you see this and how would you play it when/if the time comes?

Thank you

In that type of extreme situation, I don't think there's much to say. Just hugs, just crying, just love.

I usually go with agnosticism or pretending like I don't know anything, when interacting with someone at a difficult time who brings up their own beliefs. I'm willing to debate people bluntly that want to, but when people are not seeking debate, I don't bring it up.

Like when my father was dying, he believed in an afterlife, and he asked me about some things and I just said, "I dunno, what are your thoughts?" and let him default to his own beliefs, trying to comfort him in other ways.

Or my mother who is an alcoholic and has lifelong depression, she's really involved with her religion, like it's her whole life, usually on her phone conversations with me she starts talking about healing magic from angels and stuff, and I just roll with it.

But with something as abrupt and terrifyingly bad as you describe, there are no words.

 

[Saint Frankenstein]

Oh, Jesus. I just don't know what to say to that...

 

[Akivah]

How do you see the act of feigning similar beliefs with a person who is under a very difficult and traumatic experience?

A family friend had one or more people break into a home and shoot all the children in the head during new year celebrations less than 24 hours ago. I will probably talk with this person soon and I plan to offer some comfort in terms of general wisdom/understanding but also her personal religion.

How do you see this and how would you play it when/if the time comes?

Thank you

Oy veh, that is a terrible tragedy. But I don't understand what this has to do with "feigning beliefs". Everyone has lived through deaths of their loved ones. Emphasize with that. I would handle this the same as other people in grief. Be there to PROVIDE COMFORT. Take your cues from the mourner. Don't attempt to say anything witty, it's best not to say anything. Let the mourner take the lead in the conversation, if any.

Keep uppermost in your mind that you are there to provide comfort and gear your conversation to that.

 

[Sees]

It is also terrifying for me in that I have become a hyper-empathetic since I left careers requiring me to go overseas. I think I will be a mess when I return home to the wife and kids. I know duty as a friend and just another human-being comes first so has to be done.

You are never the same person after seeing the light leave someone's eyes or just shortly after and it only adds up.

Saint_Frankenstein, this happened about 2 hours drive north from you.

 

[Saint Frankenstein]

It is also terrifying for me in that I have become a hyper-empathetic since I left careers requiring me to go overseas. I think I will be a mess when I return home to the wife and kids. I know duty as a friend and just another human-being comes first so has to be done.

You are never the same person after seeing the light leave someone's eyes or just shortly after and it only adds up.

Saint_Frankenstein, this happened about 2 hours drive north from you.

I'm looking at an article on it now. It's so terrible. I'm so sorry that this happened!

When it comes to those horrible situations, the best thing you can do is be quiet and listen. Give the person a shoulder to cry on. Feel their pain and let them know they're not alone.

 

[Badran]

How do you see the act of feigning similar beliefs with a person who is under a very difficult and traumatic experience?

I do it at those times, sometimes. I can't help it. I don't think it's generally a good thing to do, to pretend to share similar beliefs, but i don't so much do that as i try to listen to what is being said without showing any disrespect, as well as suggesting some possibilities from within that view point.

This is especially the case with people who have already spent the majority of their lives with a certain belief.

A family friend had one or more people break into a home and shoot all the children in the head during new year celebrations less than 24 hours ago. I will probably talk with this person soon and I plan to offer some comfort in terms of general wisdom/understanding but also her personal religion.

I'm sorry your friend and you have to deal with something as horrifying as this.

How do you see this and how would you play it when/if the time comes?

Thank you

Two days ago i was in a much less severe situation, and i just stood there and neither said nor did anything. I don't know what you can possibly say to your friend in a case like this, but like others indicated what's important is the emotional support. If they talk about anything including their beliefs in relation to their kids, i would definitely feign.