Femininity & possible approximations of the female headspace

[PoetPhilosopher]

About 3 weeks ago, @We Never Know or another member, if I recall, asked the question of, "How does a male know how to act like a woman?" in regards to the subject of transgender people and a male-to-female person actually really presenting as a woman. Talking about mannerisms, etc. And here is my answer....

Some of the transgender women I've talked to, who aren't on hormones, seem to describe it as an "approximation" - the way they act, to come off as womanly.

However, when I was on feminizing hormones, I feel the estrogen naturally adds another element to your brain just kind of functioning different, and more like a cis woman's. I think.

I feel it sometimes adds another dimension.

So I sometimes act kind of feminine these days, and I enjoy that. But my answer as to how I know, is that I learned what things were like the time that I was on hormones - that headspace I was in, and now that I'm not on hormones, and when I want to act feminine - I actually try to get into that headspace of being on estrogen, knowing what it's like, but I try to get in that same headspace in a way that doesn't have the side effects and negative effects which I also experienced while I actually was on hormones.

Another thing we should probably remember is that not all women necessarily act womanly, and not all men necessarily act manly. That can be a big one, too - whether the person has a more feminine or masculine brain to begin with.

Also, I'm posting this in Journals because I wanted to just relay my own experience, and crossing my fingers it doesn't turn into a 400th "validity of transgenderism" debate - which really wouldn't be the subject of the thread to begin with.

Note: These things are my personal observations, and I have no studies to link to back them up, at least at this time.

 

[We Never Know]

About 3 weeks ago, @We Never Know or another member, if I recall, asked the question of, "How does a male know how to act like a woman?" in regards to the subject of transgender people and a male-to-female person actually really presenting as a woman. Talking about mannerisms, etc. And here is my answer....

Some of the transgender women I've talked to, who aren't on hormones, seem to describe it as an "approximation" - the way they act, to come off as womanly.

However, when I was on feminizing hormones, I feel the estrogen naturally adds another element to your brain just kind of functioning different, and more like a cis woman's. I think.

I feel it sometimes adds another dimension.

So I sometimes act kind of feminine these days, and I enjoy that. But my answer as to how I know, is that I learned what things were like the time that I was on hormones - that headspace I was in, and now that I'm not on hormones, and when I want to act feminine - I actually try to get into that headspace of being on estrogen, knowing what it's like, but I try to get in that same headspace in a way that doesn't have the side effects and negative effects which I also experienced while I actually was on hormones.

Another thing we should probably remember is that not all women necessarily act womanly, and not all men necessarily act manly. That can be a big one, too - whether the person has a more feminine or masculine brain to begin with.

Also, I'm posting this in Journals because I wanted to just relay my own experience, and crossing my fingers it doesn't turn into a 400th "validity of transgenderism" debate - which really wouldn't be the subject of the thread to begin with.

Note: These things are my personal observations, and I have no studies to link to back them up, at least at this time.

I think I said something similar. As you just said "I sometimes act kind of feminine these days, and I enjoy that"

We can act as anything we want(male, female, dog, cat, etc). It doesn't make us that.

 

[PoetPhilosopher]

I think I said something similar. As you just said "I sometimes act kind of feminine these days, and I enjoy that"

We can act as anything we want(male, female, dog, cat, etc). It doesn't make us that.

Depends on how you look at it. I can want to be a woman, but I will never be a cis woman. Whether society accepts me in other ways is another matter entirely.

 

[lewisnotmiller]

If you go and declare yourself a police state, there are several actual police states that might complain about cultural appropriation...

 

[sun rise]

Part of acting like is talking like. Years ago I read "You Just Don't Understand: Women and Men in Conversation" which was about classical male and female speech patterns at least in the West. I learned that when my wife said "I think I probably might like to do X" she meant "I really want to do X" rather than "I'm not sure". And I learned that her telling me her troubles was not an automatic invitation for advice but her wanting someone to listen and empathize. So now I can "translate" as well as use more classic female speech patterns if that seems like a good thing to do. And I no longer automatically offer advice.

 

[Ella S.]

There's a sharp distinction between "acting feminine" and "acting like a woman." Women act like women, because they are women. Not all women act feminine.

This is regardless of whether they are cis or trans.

 

[Aštra’el]

Why “act”, when you can just live as you are…?

 

[Viker]

Why “act”, when you can just live as you are…?

This is what I continually tell others.

 

[PoetPhilosopher]

Why “act”, when you can just live as you are…?

Because I'm a complex, complicated person and there are multiple layers. And not all of them fit nicely within trying to scrutinize my use of the word "act", where it would change my mind one way or another (due to being a small piece of a bigger picture). It'd take another 5-10 pages to break it down - I don't want to right now, but I might break it down some day.

 

[Viker]

The way most people act usually comes from prescribed and prefabricated roles their society lays out for them based on predetermined models. No one acts like a man or woman naturally. No one. It's all an act. So, let's have fun in the big play!

 

[PoetPhilosopher]

The way most people act usually comes from prescribed and prefabricated roles their society lays out for them based on predetermined models. No one acts like a man or woman naturally. No one. It's all an act.

I may actually understand this line of thought after all.

 

[PoetPhilosopher]

If you go and declare yourself a police state, there are several actual police states that might complain about cultural appropriation...

It took me awhile to get this, but funny anyway.

 

[Shadow Wolf]

However, when I was on feminizing hormones, I feel the estrogen naturally adds another element to your brain just kind of functioning different, and more like a cis woman's. I think.

It does definitely alter things in the brain. When I first went on them everyone who knows me and those here were commenting on how I seemed to have lightened up and become more playful. I can also say I've heard from myself and many others crying becomes much easier, and my emotions can change and flip and reverse and turn inside out on a dime.

 

[Shadow Wolf]

The way most people act usually comes from prescribed and prefabricated roles their society lays out for them based on predetermined models. No one acts like a man or woman naturally. No one. It's all an act. So, let's have fun in the big play!

I doubt this because trans people exist. There are no natural or automatic criteria for what must be masculine or feminine, but we seem to mostly come with an innate drive to behave as one or the other.
In my own life, before I accepted myself as trans amd was living in denial and scared to act anyway that could be viewed as feminine I was still setting off people's radars (mostly women) amd being asked if I was gay. Not sure what people saw (though I've pieced together a few possibilities), but despite my efforts they saw enough "unmale" things to ask questions (what wasn't seen I suspect was also driving this).

 

[Shadow Wolf]

It's all an act. So, let's have fun in the big play!

If all the world is the stage, we must all start learning to party hard like a proper thespian.

 

[JDMS]

It does definitely alter things in the brain. When I first went on them everyone who knows me and those here were commenting on how I seemed to have lightened up and become more playful. I can also say I've heard from myself and many others crying becomes much easier, and my emotions can change and flip and reverse and turn inside out on a dime.

Yeah, hormones definitely affect crying in addition to socialization. "Testosterone may inhibit crying, while the hormone prolactin (seen in higher levels in women) may promote it." But we aren't 100% sure of the mechanisms... all I know if that when I started testosterone, it became nearly impossible to cry whereas I would cry if I was sad or angry before.

 

[Heyo]

If you go and declare yourself a police state, there are several actual police states that might complain about cultural appropriation...

Wrong thread or deliberately cross-threading?

 

[Shadow Wolf]

Yeah, hormones definitely affect crying in addition to socialization. "Testosterone may inhibit crying, while the hormone prolactin (seen in higher levels in women) may promote it." But we aren't 100% sure of the mechanisms... all I know if that when I started testosterone, it became nearly impossible to cry whereas I would cry if I was sad or angry before.

I remember before I started on estrogen I did believe I had no more tears to cry. And now, sadness, anger, being scared and even feeling overwhelmed can make me cry.

 

[Heyo]

"How does a male know how to act like a woman?"

How does a woman know to act like a woman?
By watching and imitating women. Most of our mannerisms are cultural and we learn them by picking a role model. Transgender people (and some gays) just chose different role models than society might have wanted them to.

 

[lewisnotmiller]

Wrong thread or deliberately cross-threading?

Wrong thread. This was meant for the police state thread...!!!