For Christians: Frustrated...sexually

[MormonDadTX]

My wife and I are both in our 40's. I've noticed that over the last 2 years her desire for sex has significantly decreased while mine has remained the same, if not increased. Our "normal" used to be 2 to 3 times a week. Now its down to 2 to 3 times a month. The issue has began causing arguments. Because I love my wife, I have no desire to look else where, and because of religious reasons, masturbation is also not an option. I've tried to talk to her about it, and she refuses, just saying nothing is wrong. The world would say to have an affair, leave her, or take things into my own "hands". These aren't options, but to satisfy my beliefs do I need to be so miserable? What do I do?

 

[blackout]

Is that Mormon doctrine? No masturbation?

 

[MormonDadTX]

First, masturbation is against Mormon doctrine because it's giving into the desires of man. Second, I have tried the romantic dinners, favorite restaurants, roses, jewelry...etc. We have tried to talk, but end up stopping before it causes too much of an argument. She has reluctantly given in and provide release by hand, but then I feel guilty so whats the point.

 

[Truth_Faith13]

First, masturbation is against Mormon doctrine because it's giving into the desires of man. Second, I have tried the romantic dinners, favorite restaurants, roses, jewelry...etc. We have tried to talk, but end up stopping before it causes too much of an argument. She has reluctantly given in and provide release by hand, but then I feel guilty so whats the point.

Cant believe I am even discussing this topic, but why is it OK for your wife to "give you relief" but not yourself?

(by the way I dont want an answer to that...it was just a question for you personally to consider)

 

[gzusfrk]

My wife and I are both in our 40's. I've noticed that over the last 2 years her desire for sex has significantly decreased while mine has remained the same, if not increased. Our "normal" used to be 2 to 3 times a week. Now its down to 2 to 3 times a month. The issue has began causing arguments. Because I love my wife, I have no desire to look else where, and because of religious reasons, masturbation is also not an option. I've tried to talk to her about it, and she refuses, just saying nothing is wrong. The world would say to have an affair, leave her, or take things into my own "hands". These aren't options, but to satisfy my beliefs do I need to be so miserable? What do I do?

She won't even lend you her HAND?

 

[DallasApple]

Enjoy the the two three times a month is what I say.

If your desire is to be with your wife(sexually) why would you even compare having sex with her to masturbation or finding another woman to have an "affair" with?

And I'll tell you another thing.."arguing" with her about it wont help.Even if you got "more" sex from your wife as a result..Do you want to have sex with your wife because your argued her into it?

How would that be sir?..What is sex for you anyway?

Do you call that "intamacy"?

Or are you just looking for a sexual release?Im not saying you dont "love" your wife..but dont claim "lovign her is " having sex with her when the only reason you dont masturbate or have sex with another woman is because of your religious beliefs but those are alternatives in your mind to "replace her" you just arent permitted.

Love

Dallas

 

[DallasApple]

She won't even lend you her HAND?

Im sorry that is sick.

And believe it or not if you are going to go through that much trouble its easier to just "lend" somethign else out..Its a lot "quicker".

If you're not in the "mood" you're not in the mood.And that includes anything sexual.Hand "work" is sexual and requires sexual effort.

Love

Dallas

 

[Truth_Faith13]

Im sorry, but I am going to have to ask this....is this a genuine issue? or have you just made it up? I dont mean to be horrible or anything, my instinct is just telling me that something is not quite right and my instincts are usually pretty accurate!

Sorry if this is a genuine problem....

 

[DallasApple]

Im sorry, but I am going to have to ask this....is this a genuine issue? or have you just made it up? I dont mean to be horrible or anything, my instinct is just telling me that something is not quite right and my instincts are usually pretty accurate!

Sorry if this is a genuine problem....

Its probably real..It happens all the time.It doesnt ring "not true" to me.Its sexual desire and libido differences.

"typically" its the man "wanting" more sex..But it can be the reverse..with a woman wanting it more and the man just not interested..

But 2-3 times a month is not starvation.

Love

Dallas

 

[DallasApple]

Oh..and my big mouth goes on..

I cant argue with you over your beliefs..But if occasionally "relieving" your self through masturbation keeps you from "arguing" with your wife and takes care of your higher "physical" needs I dont see how thats a bad thing.

I have searched and searched..There is NOTHING in the Bible that prohibits or says masturbation is wrong.

Actually it never even adresses it from what I know.

Love

Dallas

 

[Truth_Faith13]

I guess its just because its a very sensitive topic to have as your first post on a forum you dont know.....

But anyway, if your OK with your wife doing it, then there is nothing wrong with you doing it, its your body!

And think of it this way...if your wife doesnt want sex...its then not "making love" with your wife but "giving into mans desires" which you want to avoid....

I am not an expert on the subject, but from speaking with some very open friends of my mothers...at that age a few times a month is the norm....

 

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[DallasApple]

I guess its just because its a very sensitive topic to have as your first post on a forum you dont know.....

But anyway, if your OK with your wife doing it, then there is nothing wrong with you doing it, its your body!

And think of it this way...if your wife doesnt want sex...its then not "making love" with your wife but "giving into mans desires" which you want to avoid....

I am not an expert on the subject, but from speaking with some very open friends of my mothers...at that age a few times a month is the norm....

Some people come to forums and their first post is pleading for help and advice.

Thats common.

Love

Dallas

 

[Truth_Faith13]

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This thread is in the Christianity Discuss Individual Religions (DIR) area, which means that only self-identified Christians may respond with content other than respectful questions. A few posts were removed, and the title was edited for clarity.

Thanks. Staff

Just a thought, but maybe it would be better in the LDS DIR - that way he can get advice specifically from an LDS perspective and based on LDS beliefs....?

I am guessing as a new member, he has just not found that part of the forum yet!

 

[Wandered Off]

If the OP author expresses his preference, whether it be LDS DIR, Christianity DIR, or the Sexuality area where anyone can respond, we can accommodate it and restore any deleted posts if necessary.

 

[Katzpur]

In all honesty, I don't think the OP is a serious inquiry and I don't think the poster is LDS. Just a hunch.

 

[sandandfoam]

But 2-3 times a month is not starvation.

 

[MormonDadTX]

Well I found the LDS thread and posted there. My post was removed because, silly me I used the same title. So rather than start over I came back to this one. Besides, I kind of liked some of the feedback. Ladies, you're right, what kind of "love" would it be if we had to argue about it. And maybe 2 or 3 times per month isn't bad, but compared to what we had.....
Also, the more I think about it the more I realize it's the closeness, the intimacy that I miss. Sure I mentioned masturbation and getting a release, but those are physical things. I am missing the emotional closeness that making love brings. Now this totally contradicts my first post, but you know us men, it takes us some time to figure things out. In short, I'm lonely. So given that, I guess what I was saying is that I can see why some men, in a moment of weakness, would/could have an affair. I reaffirm my conviction that this is not an option, just wanted to explain why I may have mentioned it in the first place. Still at a loss. She has agreed to a date tonight. Nice dinner, movie. I'm hoping we'll find a spark.

 

[Smoke]

Well I found the LDS thread and posted there. My post was removed because, silly me I used the same title. So rather than start over I came back to this one. Besides, I kind of liked some of the feedback. Ladies, you're right, what kind of "love" would it be if we had to argue about it. And maybe 2 or 3 times per month isn't bad, but compared to what we had.....
Also, the more I think about it the more I realize it's the closeness, the intimacy that I miss. Sure I mentioned masturbation and getting a release, but those are physical things. I am missing the emotional closeness that making love brings. Now this totally contradicts my first post, but you know us men, it takes us some time to figure things out. In short, I'm lonely. So given that, I guess what I was saying is that I can see why some men, in a moment of weakness, would/could have an affair. I reaffirm my conviction that this is not an option, just wanted to explain why I may have mentioned it in the first place. Still at a loss. She has agreed to a date tonight. Nice dinner, movie. I'm hoping we'll find a spark.

Something changed about two years ago. What was it? Is it possible that your wife has been feeling less emotional closeness and that's why her desire for sex has decreased? Have you placed too much emphasis on the ways in which she's not meeting your needs, without considering the ways in which you may not be meeting hers? Could she be suffering from depression or physical problems? Could she be feeling unattractive for some reason?

Have you noticed that when a woman says, "There's nothing wrong," she usually means, "If you were paying attention, you could figure it out"?

 

[linwood]

But 2-3 times a month is not starvation.

For you perhaps.

For me it`s a dealbreaker.

Posts like this make me thank god I`m an atheist.