Frubals and love letters - The down side

[Buttercup]

I checked too, every post - and then had a fake hissy fit. Hahaha.

You know what? When threads are started like this the people that get noticed often do because of timing. I happened to be online when the thread first launched along with the majority of the other first responders. It's easiest to remember the people who are online at the moment. You weren't online at the time. There have certainly been times when people were ready to worship you. Reverence comes and goes in waves. We should just enjoy it whenever we read it......nobody owes us anything right? I know there have been times I've been passed over....and recently too. It's all good.

 

[MaddLlama]

In truth, I regret posting on that thread for the very same reasons that Katzpur has mentioned.

I'm guilty of checking if my name was mentioned. And that within itself has said something about me that I don't really like.

I've been questioning, really, why I'm even here and what, if anything am I contributing if one of the greatest "perks" is seeing who notices. I'm kind of ashamed of myself.

You shouldn't be ahsamed at all. Everyone wants to be liked and noticed, and there isn't anything wrong with that. When people recognise that we're contributing soemething good to the community then that makes us feel good, and it should. Just because you want that doesn't mean that the contributions you made up until now mean nothing. On the contrary - the fact that you were mentioned shows that your contribution matters.

 

[Hacker]

In truth, I regret posting on that thread for the very same reasons that Katzpur has mentioned.

I'm guilty of checking if my name was mentioned. And that within itself has said something about me that I don't really like.

I've been questioning, really, why I'm even here and what, if anything am I contributing if one of the greatest "perks" is seeing who notices. I'm kind of ashamed of myself.

Dawny it's human nature! Please don't be "ashamed" of yourself, that's unecessary, what you did was very normal!

 

[Feathers in Hair]

Dawny, as the others have said, I don't think you have anything to be ashamed of. I imagine we've all felt the way you're feeling at times (and if we haven't, we aren't human!) (Aiiiieeee! There are non-humans posting!). You are a sweet and bright individual, lightening the forums just as your namesake implies.

I was away from the computer yesterday, so I didn't even know that something was 'up' until I logged in today. I kind of feel badly that I wasn't here to help in any way possible. On one hand, everyone deserves acknowledgement of everything that they bring to the forums and they also deserve to be celebrated because of it. On the other, unless we're really good friends with every single member of the forum, we probably won't remember them all when we're posting in threads like the other one. On yet another hand (yes, I'm using a spider as an example here), it's fun to think of the reasons you like your fellow members and to list them! So, somewhere in all of that, I'm not sure if there's a compromise that will make everyone happy. It may not be possible, but perhaps we can work toward it as much as is possible! *notices she's standing on a crate* Wait, how'd I wind up on this soapbox?

 

[standing_alone]

Well, I guess I should apologize for starting that thread. I didn't mean for it to end up like this and if I knew it would have, I would have never started it. The only reason I started it was because Sunstone started that thread for me and rather than have a thread just for me (which made me kind of uncomfortable), I thought that since I liked reading the comments people gave to me, it would be fun to start a thread where everyone had a chance to post some nice things about other people. I meant for it to be as inclusive to everyone as possible and not to make people feel left out. I didn't want anyone's feelings to be hurt by it (I wanted it to be a nice thing), so I'm sorry to all who were hurt because of it. I have to admit that I think people are taking it all way too personal, but regardless of taking it too personal or not, people have been hurt, so I apologize. I guess I should think more before starting such threads in the future. Apparantly one's good intentions can be rather easily interpretated to be something completely opposite of what they were...

 

[Gentoo]

The thread was a good idea, I really think it was. But it is sad that it was twisted (or whatever it was) in the way that it was.

Apparantly on'es good intentions are interpreteated to be something completely opposite of what they are...

I'm reminded of something a friend of mine would say: One person's nice and friendly, is another person's creepy and threatening.

 

[Sunstone]

During my first six months on this forum, only one or two of my posts were responded to. I thought I was invisible. Fortunes change, and those who are first now will later be last, and those who are last now will later be first. That's just the nature of things. So I wouldn't advocate that anyone worry too much about not being recognized yet: Things will likely change if you stick with it and post.

 

[Gentoo]

During my first six months on this forum, only one or two of my posts were responded to. I thought I was invisible. Fortunes change, and those who are first now will later be last, and those who are last now will later be first. That's just the nature of things. So I wouldn't advocate that anyone worry too much about not being recognized yet: Things will likely change if you stick with it and post.

I often think I'm a thread killer lol. Especially when I first started posting on the other forums I frequent, I would post something, and it would either be ignored or the discussion would just stop. For good.

Here, I told myself that if I just kept on posting, sooner or later, it'll be recognized and then my posts would be granted the same respect as some other people.

 

[Sunstone]

I often think I'm a thread killer lol. Especially when I first started posting on the other forums I frequent, I would post something, and it would either be ignored or the discussion would just stop. For good.

Here, I told myself that if I just kept on posting, sooner or later, it'll be recognized and then my posts would be granted the same respect as some other people.

That's exactly how I thought of myself at first! A thread killer! LOL! Frubals, Sister!

EDIT: If you go back in the archives on this site about two years or so, you'll see that about one in ten threads ends with a post by Sunstone, and then silence.

We should get together in a cafe some day and swap stories about the interesting threads we've killed!

 

[Katzpur]

Well, I guess I should apologize for starting that thread. I didn't mean for it to end up like this and if I knew it would have, I would have never started it. The only reason I started it was because Sunstone started that thread for me and rather than have a thread just for me (which made me kind of uncomfortable), I thought that since I liked reading the comments people gave to me, it would be fun to start a thread where everyone had a chance to post some nice things about other people. I meant for it to be as inclusive to everyone as possible and not to make people feel left out. I didn't want anyone's feelings to be hurt by it (I wanted it to be a nice thing), so I'm sorry to all who were hurt because of it. I have to admit that I think people are taking it all way too personal, but regardless of taking it too personal or not, people have been hurt, so I apologize. I guess I should think more before starting such threads in the future. Apparantly one's good intentions can be rather easily interpretated to be something completely opposite of what they were...

I was afraid it would come to this. Please, please, please don't apologize. I know, as does everybody else, that your heart was in the right place, and that's all that really matters. Anyway, it was all Phil's fault. That'll teach him to say something nice about you in the future.

 

[standing_alone]

Anyway, it was all Phil's fault. That'll teach him to say something nice about you in the future.

Good point! Damn you, Phil!

 

[standing_alone]

Please, please, please don't apologize. I know, as does everybody else, that your heart was in the right place, and that's all that really matters.

Heart in the right place or not, people got hurt, so I want to accept responsibility for that. It makes me sad that people got hurt by it, but hopefully some good can come out of this since it prompted this discussion.

 

[Halcyon]

Here, I told myself that if I just kept on posting, sooner or later, it'll be recognized and then my posts would be granted the same respect as some other people.

Aww Gentoo! We respect everyones posts here, no matter how long they've been a member. I don't know anyone here who would ignore something you said just because you're a newbie - which you're not anymore with 200 odd posts under your belt, I was made a mod first time around when i had only about 200 posts.

The thing about these types of thread is, they do leave people out - which is why i had to think hard about whether or not i would post.
I decided to in the end because people were posting my name, and i wanted to respond in kind.

I remember similar threads when i first started where i wouldn't get a mention, at the time i felt a little glum but then i realised that if everyone posted everyones name each post, the thread would be damned long, but also pointless. The people putting down my name just because i was there wouldn't be doing so because they knew or liked me - it wouldn't mean anything.

Trust me, in a forum this size its easy for your posts to get lost when you first start out. But once you've been here for a while, people get to know you, then they start looking out for your posts and before you know it you're part of the furniture and getting fruballed up to the ears.

 

[Sunstone]

Good point! Damn you, Phil!

What else am I here for but to be a scapegoat? Always happy to do my job.

 

[kiwimac]

Standing_Alone,

We almost always remember / mention those posters who strike a chord somewhere in ourselves, the way they write, what they say, HOW they say it reflects something which is important to us & so they easily slip into our memories.

For those who do not 'fit' in that way such threads can be torture. They look desperately for their name and not finding it are confirmed in their belief that they are unworthy, unlovely, unliked.

You can argue as some did in the other thread that if they don't like it they can leave but that is just another injustice heaped on top.

I say this not to make you feel that the thread was a bad idea because it wasn't a bad idea at all. But as one who has been excluded a great deal in my life, I feel keenly the exclusion (intended or not) of others. We are dealing with human spirits here some of which have been through an amazing amount of pain, we need to treat them respectfully and tenderly or so ISTM.

Kiwimac

 

[standing_alone]

You can argue as some did in the other thread that if they don't like it they can leave but that is just another injustice heaped on top.

I would never tell someone to leave if they didn't like it. So please don't even group me in with that. I said that I thought they were taking it too personal. However, I'm gald that people brought up that it hurt them. I've been excluded, outcasted, and left out of alot of things in my life and have never been in any "in crowd," so I can understand how it feels to be exluded, but I guess I just thought that such feelings of exclusion could extend over to an internet forum, so again, I apologize to the people I hurt and hopefully won't make the same mistake again.

 

[Sunstone]

What about making the thread a sticky? That way it would be up long enough to get more and more people mentioned?

I don't like the idea of closing the thread because some people haven't been mentioned yet. I think if we let that thread go on, that everyone will get mentioned sooner or later.

I'd like your input on this.

 

[standing_alone]

What about making the thread a sticky? That way it would be up long enough to get more and more people mentioned?

I don't like the idea of closing the thread because some people haven't been mentioned yet. I think if we let that thread go on, that everyone will get mentioned sooner or later.

I'd like your input on this.

I'd rather it be closed and trashed because no matter how long it stays around, someone is always going to feel exluded and hurt by it being there. However, I guess we can see what other people have to say about it.

 

[Hacker]

Okay i'm going to say something, I felt really bad for those whose name wasn't mentioned so I erased my posts because I kept remembering more and more people and I didn't want to forget anybody. I'll bet the names that WERE mentioned were online at the time, I think I seen a connection there. I think all of the daily "regulars" of RF were mentioned in addition to who was online. And about the newer ones....well, I hope they understand that it's difficult to remember everybody. It was a fun thread and all but I'm afraid that I can't ever participate. So please don't get the impression that i'm against those "why I like so and so" threads because of what I'm saying in this post cause I'm not whatsoever, but I've decided to not participate in them(which I'm sure isn't a big deal)..... especially cause some feelings were hurt and I felt bad.

 

[Sunstone]

That thread has gone 150 posts and almost 3,000 views in just two days. How long do you think it will take a thread that is that popular to include the people who haven't been included yet?