Frubals and love letters - The down side

[Hacker]

That thread has gone 150 posts and almost 3,000 views in just two days. How long do you think it will take a thread that is that popular to include the people who haven't been included yet?

Well i'm sure most of them are the visitors, when I look to see who's online, I see these yahoo slirp spiders, or whatever. But I think we all know the REGULAR regulars who actually post very often.

 

[standing_alone]

That thread has gone 150 posts and almost 3,000 views in just two days. How long do you think it will take a thread that is that popular to include the people who haven't been included yet?

Well, yeah, more and more people will have their names mentioned, but there will always be members not being mentioned. It's probably best to have it closed, to just stop all the bs it started.

 

[Fluffy]

Largely I agree with you Kathryn. In the past I have made a point of not taking part in such threads (although I do search them for my name... sigh ).

I don't have anything particular against them (although obviously as has been demonstrated recently, there do potentially create great pitfalls) but if I want to say something nice about another member it will either be because they have just done something to make me think nice things about them or because they are down and need reminding of their better qualities.

I'm honestly a very anti-social and self centered person so I don't think about specific other people a great deal of the time. It would be extremely dishonest of me to throw around compliments I didn't truly feel. Often a thread dedicated to that end is not the best of catalysts. When I do feel like complimenting somebody, the frubal system provides the perfect way for me to do that .

 

[Sunstone]

Well, yeah, more and more people will have their names mentioned, but there will always be members not being mentioned. It's probably best to have it closed, to just stop all the bs it started.

The world is full of hurts, and you will never eliminate all hurt feelings. What the world doesn't have enough of is appreciation for others. So, how do you look at that thread? Do you only see that some people are hurt because their names haven't been mentioned yet, or do you see that many people have gone out of their way to show appreciation of others?

I'd like to note here that the person who yesterday complained in the most vile way about that thread did not even once make an effort to show his appreciation for anyone on this forum. Instead he demanded in the most childish way that everyone appreciate him. That is the mindset that set off this debate. Note well.

 

[standing_alone]

The world is full of hurts, and you will never eliminate all hurt feelings. What the world doesn't have enough of is appreciation for others. So, how do you look at that thread? Do you only see that some people are hurt because their names haven't been mentioned yet, or do you see that many people have gone out of their way to show appreciation of others?

*shrugs* That is a good point. Do what you feel best.

It'd be nice if more people would state what they'd wish to happen to the thread. If most people want it to stay open, I'm fine with that. If most want it to be closed, I'm fine with that, too.

 

[kiwimac]

The point is not to do way with such community-affirming activities but to find ways of including others in without it feeling like an "in-crowd" thing.

 

[Sunstone]

The point is not to do way with such community-affirming activities but to find ways of including others in without it feeling like an "in-crowd" thing.

That's a reasonable point, Kiwimac. But how do we do that?

 

[Scuba Pete]

Jealousy is in the eye of the beholder!

The thread was started with noble intentions. There were no flames... until the green eyed monster showed up.

Standing Alone... you are NOT responsible for the faults or the actions of others. Not one bit! The sun hardens the clay but softens butter. It's what we are MADE of and not the complements given to others which causes people to react badly. One should not feel at fault for the brutish actions of another.

Harsh words were spoken and they were NOT in keeping with the spirit of the thread. I have quite a few critics on this board, and that's OK. While I would never ask anyone to leave either, I understood the feelings of those who said that.

I would hope that the thread remains open and that those feeling the pangs of jealousy just grow up a bit. There is no way that I could possibly mention everyone in one thread, but it was good to point out a few. It did not detract from ANYONE if I failed to mention them. Lord only knows that I give out enough Frubals to those so deserving.

 

[kiwimac]

When I post such threads (and yes I DO post such threads) on other boards I am generic. I say things like " I appreciate ALL OF YOU." "All of you matter to me" (BTW, YOU ALL DO! )

We can affirm each other without cutting others out and perhaps for those we care dearly about we can PM them?

 

[kiwimac]

Netdoc,

you say "those feeling the pangs of jealousy just grow up a bit." I wonder how useful a comment that is? It certainly helps the frustration and anger you are feeling over what has happened but for those who have, often through no fault of their own, been the excluded ones, it is not really a case of jealousy, its more a case of " Oh, here we go again!"

Kiwimac

 

[Scuba Pete]

you say "those feeling the pangs of jealousy just grow up a bit." I wonder how useful a comment that is?

If they grow up a bit, it will be quite a useful comment. Those hurt feelings come from within. They stem from anger at not being recognised or possibly from a flawed self image. They need to learn how to handle not being the center of attention or affection. There is no need to stop the accolades of those who by their diligence and sense of community have made a difference. Learn from them and learn from the posts about them, but don't resent them or the accolades.

In reality, you only have 305 posts here on RF so far. Most who were mentioned have thousands of posts. It would be impossible for you to have as much impact as someone with 5 to 10 times your posting history.

 

[Sunstone]

If they grow up a bit, it will be quite a useful comment. Those hurt feelings come from within. They stem from anger at not being recognised or possibly from a flawed self image. They need to learn how to handle not being the center of attention or affection. There is no need to stop the accolades of those who by their diligence and sense of community have made a difference. Learn from them and learn from the posts about them, but don't resent them or the accolades.

I think you make a good point, NetDoc. But at the same time, I think Kiwimac makes a good point that not all of the concern about the thread in question can be reduced to jealousy.

 

[Scuba Pete]

Thanks Sunstone... but the green eyed monster is pretty pervasive. It's all I saw and I read all of the threads before the clean up. Of course, everyone is permitted to have their own views. Of all the people on this forum, I am the most flawed. But I will try and keep growing in spite of my multitude of shortcomings.

 

[Gentoo]

Aww Gentoo! We respect everyones posts here, no matter how long they've been a member. I don't know anyone here who would ignore something you said just because you're a newbie - which you're not anymore with 200 odd posts under your belt, I was made a mod first time around when i had only about 200 posts.

I don't feel that anymore, at least on here. Which is good, because I like being heard

The ignoring of newbies posts isn't intentional, I don't think. Of course, I've been on other forums where new people bringing in new ideas are run off of the board, needless to say I didn't stay around that one too long. But I am glad that RF is different in that respect. :yes:

 

[Gentoo]

That's exactly how I thought of myself at first! A thread killer! LOL! Frubals, Sister!

EDIT: If you go back in the archives on this site about two years or so, you'll see that about one in ten threads ends with a post by Sunstone, and then silence.

We should get together in a cafe some day and swap stories about the interesting threads we've killed!

Hehe, we should... that would be wicked cool. Aaahhh... all of those innocent threads never saw it coming hehe.

 

[kiwimac]

.<snip> They need to learn how to handle not being the center of attention or affection. There is no need to stop the accolades of those who by their diligence and sense of community have made a difference. Learn from them and learn from the posts about them, but don't resent them or the accolades.

In reality, you only have 305 posts here on RF so far. Most who were mentioned have thousands of posts. It would be impossible for you to have as much impact as someone with 5 to 10 times your posting history.

It is not just about not being the centre of attention, it is about feeling unwelcome, feeling unnoticed. This has little to do with jealousy, it has much more to do with being in a position where you feel uneeded, YET AGAIN.

Yes, it is important for community members to be recognised for their contributions but it is also necessary for those who are new to feel welcomed. As for my 305 or so posts, surely that is not particularly important after all, time-wise, you've only been a member 1 month longer than me?

 

[Scuba Pete]

So, you make a posts 0.45 posts per day while I do 12.5 posts per day, and you think you are going to have the same impact? Time has little to do with activity!

Look at your frubals... those alone should give you a feeling of belonging. I love each and every frubal I have given and gotten and make it a point to give twice as much as I get.

 

[kreeden]

Tonight’s thread, “What do you like most about any RF member?” (http://www.religiousforums.com/forum/showthread.php?t=41988) ended up hurting some feelings. I know it was well-intentioned, and I sincerely hope standing_alone doesn’t think I’m being critical of her for starting it. A a matter of fact, she started it only after one was started in recognition of her. I know I scanned the thread looking for my name. So did the rest of you.

No . Actually I haven't . Haven't had the time .

But I do believe that you deserve a few frudals for starting this thread Katzpur . I totally agree that although the idea of frudals is a good one , they are much too important to many . I would as soon " turn mine off " if I could . It is seem as a popularity contest , who is liked more then ours .

We all have our good and bad points . But I don't think that anyone needs to wear a sign saying how those are rated by others . Who cares ? .... Well , some do . But what I'm trying to say here is that one's worth can't be measured by popularity alone . A man by the name of Hilter was very popular at one time . Another by the name of Jesus was very unpopular at one time ...

Having said that . I still think that you deserve frudals for this thread ....

 

[Buttercup]

But I do believe that you deserve a few frudals for starting this thread Katzpur . I totally agree that although the idea of frudals is a good one , they are much too important to many . I would as soon " turn mine off " if I could . It is seem as a popularity contest , who is liked more then ours .

I think it would be nice to be able to just leave a comment about someone's post or an encouraging comment without the accumulation of frubals. That way we encourage each other but without it being a source of competition for some.

 

[Fluffy]

I'm fairly sure you can turn frubals off but I'm uncertain if this still allows comments to be left.

The option to do this is found in the User CP, I believe.

Edit: Meh all it does is change the green bars and yellow stars into a crossed out box. The points are still displayed and I can still give and recieve frubals.