The only difference it made was that I was tormented. The church I attended held me in very high regard, and considered me a good example of what the ideal Christian teen should be like. I knew the Bible, I did everything I was supposed to, I had the close personal relationship with Jesus Christ, received the Holy Ghost, and possessed a very strong faith. But inside I was tormented. Being assigned male at birth, I knew I was supposed to be and act like one of the guys, and I knew the Bible condemned men being wearing women's clothing and acting like men, and my depression only worsened despite my faith God would make things better. I had attractions towards women, but I also had attractions towards men, and I knew the Bible condemned homosexuality, and my depression only worsened despite my faith God would make things better. I tried to prove I was a man and could be a man, but my depression worsened because I eventually hit a point where I knew I was lying to myself and I was only going through the motions with no sincerity or desire. Looking at a woman and thinking she was attractive was bad enough, because he who looks upon a woman with lust has committed adultery with her in his heart, but looking at men was shameful knowing those attractions were sinful. I reached a point where I just wanted to die so my misery would come to an end.
Add that on top of all the other difficulties I had growing up, and eventually I began to question my faith. Questions lead to doubts. I tried so hard to hold on to my faith, I clung on desperately, I prayed and prayed, but, in the end, my faith was destroyed and I emerged stronger, my depression has not been nearly as bad, and I am no longer burdened by guilt, shame, and sin. And step-by-step I eventually even reached a point where death is not desired to end the pain, but would cut short the potential of things to come.
