Getting Along With Others Or Not

[ChristineES]

I am not sure if this has ever been discussed or not.

I have noticed throughout my 48 years that some people have the ability to get along with just about anyone. And then there are those who don't seem to get along with hardly anyone. Most people, however, get along with some and don't get along with others due to various reasons.

I suppose the question is: Are we born with the ability to get along or is it taught? Is it a little of both? Do you think that some people are just born with a personality that clashes with most people, while others are born with a likeable personality? Or is it all just learned?

 

[ametist]

i think it is the choice of the person arising out of conscious or subconscious motives and it is learned. if the choice changes even subconscious motives can be altered.

 

[LuisDantas]

Are we born with the ability to get along or is it taught?

That skill can be self-taught and there are those with an affinity to its learning - but mostly, it is taught by our mothers. Yes, specifically by our mothers.

I wish I had good field evidence to present, but I sincerely believe that to be the case.

Is it a little of both? Do you think that some people are just born with a personality that clashes with most people, while others are born with a likeable personality? Or is it all just learned?

For the most part, such an ability is based on having a history of feeling safe and loved when faced with uncertainty, lack of cooperation and misunderstanding.

It is not an inborn trait, and can't truly be, although a degree of inborn vocation for it is of course present in some people. Alas, not too many.

 

[Smart_Guy]

I suck at getting along with other, but for some reason people want to get along with me. They keep talking to me and I do nothing but nodding and smiling to them.

I'm the kinda person that wants to be alone yet people keep coming back to me, ask about me, provide services to me and insist on it, invite me out, etc, and I don't like that. I wanna be alone

Should I stop smiling at people? Well I can't.

 

[Revoltingest]

I suck at getting along with other, but for some reason people want to get along with me. They keep talking to me and I do nothing but nodding and smiling to them.
I'm the kinda person that wants to be alone yet people keep coming back to me, ask about me, provide services to me and insist on it, invite me out, etc, and I don't like that. I wanna be alone
Should I stop smiling at people? Well I can't.

It's a curse to be so attractive.

 

[oldbadger]

I have noticed throughout my 48 years that some people have the ability to get along with just about anyone. .....................................

....my wife.
Where she works, all the vets, nurses and customers are so friendly to her.
All her family, our neighbours...... are very friendly to her. She is a typical example of a very very popular person.

But when she was very close to death (last April) only one nurse and two friends came to see her. The nurse (the least popular in the whole company, they say) was the best visitor, and brought colouring books and pens (yes.... do ask about those ), cards, food approved by the CCU Sister etc etc.. and returned mostly every evening with various 'things'.

My wife's Mum, Dad and Sister came after I 'phoned them and suggested that they really do make the effort to travel the 34 miles to see her.

That nurse...... I insisted that we buy a really good piece of jewelry to stuff into her 'thankyou' card. We chose gold-cross earrings because she is a Christian. I will never forget that particular lesson in brotherly love......

I now realise how shallow and short-lived 'popularity' can be.

 

[Smart_Guy]

It's a curse to be so attractive.

I don't think I'm attractive. I think it has to do with smiling and the way I talk to people. Not sure tho. Also, children for some reason get very attached to me. This is annoying. I wanna be alone.

....my wife.
Where she works, all the vets, nurses and customers are so friendly to her.
All her family, our neighbours...... are very friendly to her. She is a typical example of a very very popular person.

But when she was very close to death (last April) only one nurse and two friends came to see her. The nurse (the least popular in the whole company, they say) was the best visitor, and brought colouring books and pens (yes.... do ask about those ), cards, food approved by the CCU Sister etc etc.. and returned mostly every evening with various 'things'.

My wife's Mum, Dad and Sister came after I 'phoned them and suggested that they really do make the effort to travel the 34 miles to see her.

That nurse...... I insisted that we buy a really good piece of jewelry to stuff into her 'thankyou' card. We chose gold-cross earrings because she is a Christian. I will never forget that particular lesson in brotherly love......

I now realise how shallow and short-lived 'popularity' can be.

Hey man, sorry to know about your wife. How's she doing now?

 

[Revoltingest]

I don't think I'm attractive. I think it has to do with smiling and the way I talk to people. Not sure tho. Also, children for some reason get very attached to me. This is annoying. I wanna be alone.

You & Greta....
[youtube]KDCqJgGiAdM[/youtube]

 

[Draupadi]

I used to be fine at getting along with others until after I became depressed which made me a touchy misanthropist. My relationship with others are nice but formal, something which was like before but I didn't notice so no worries. But it hurts to be an involuntary loner .

 

[oldbadger]

Hey man, sorry to know about your wife. How's she doing now?

They saved her! She went back to work last week......
Such is the tenacity of life.....

It's been a tough year, though...

Thanks for asking.

 

[Revoltingest]

I used to be fine at getting along with others until after I became depressed which made me a touchy misanthropist. My relationship with others are nice but formal, something which was like before but I didn't notice so no worries. But it hurts to be an involuntary loner .

Well, you always have us, here at RF.

Hmmm....that doesn't sound as positive as I'd hoped.

 

[Draupadi]

I now realise how shallow and short-lived 'popularity' can be.

:yes:.

 

[Draupadi]

Well, you always have us, here at RF.

Hmmm....that doesn't sound as positive as I'd hoped.

Thanks Revoltingest:hug:. It means a lot to me . I am basically alive because of my Net buddies here and in another forum. They are more supportive than the ones in real life.

 

[oldbadger]

I used to be fine at getting along with others until after I became depressed which made me a touchy misanthropist. My relationship with others are nice but formal, something which was like before but I didn't notice so no worries. But it hurts to be an involuntary loner .

I hope that you have recovered fully from your depression.

I think that it is good for us to be at peace with ourselves and our own company. However, may you find lots of new true friends soon.

 

[Draupadi]

Nope. But I am at peace with myself. That's a start .

 

[oldbadger]

I don't think I'm attractive. I think it has to do with smiling and the way I talk to people.

....... even the way that you write seems to radiate a friendly attitude..... even when you're annoyed at members.

... yer gotta learn to be nasty!
.... yer need to study some of us.

 

[Smart_Guy]

You & Greta....
[youtube]KDCqJgGiAdM[/youtube]

Hey, that actress is HAWT. Now I don't wanna be alone. At least for tonight.

They saved her! She went back to work last week......
Such is the tenacity of life.....

It's been a tough year, though...

Thanks for asking.

Good to know

....... even the way that you write seems to radiate a friendly attitude..... even when you're annoyed at members.

... yer gotta learn to be nasty!
.... yer need to study some of us.

Cool, I'm a radiator

You know, I was scolded more than once for being extremely nice to people. One of them was a lady here on RF

 

[1137]

I am not sure if this has ever been discussed or not.

I have noticed throughout my 48 years that some people have the ability to get along with just about anyone. And then there are those who don't seem to get along with hardly anyone. Most people, however, get along with some and don't get along with others due to various reasons.

I suppose the question is: Are we born with the ability to get along or is it taught? Is it a little of both? Do you think that some people are just born with a personality that clashes with most people, while others are born with a likeable personality? Or is it all just learned?

There are a lot of factors. Obviously we look at one's nature - maybe you have depression, maybe you're in pain, maybe you're doomed to alcoholism and being way too loose. Take into consideration relationship with caregiver, friendships, bullying. Tastes in things are a big thing to consider, and tastes break down into many other things to see what creates them.

I have extremely loose friendships that almost exclusive revolve around alcohol. Best way to go? Not really, but I don't really mind most of the time because people bug me.

 

[Warbird]

The ability to get along with others is taught, but we learn it subconsciously. Ever since we are babies we start picking up from our parents how to treat others, how to react to certain situations etc. It is further developed in kindergarten and school, where you get a lot of peer reviews and comments to advance your social abilities and responses.

And as our cognitive functions mature we develop the ability to make conscious choices about our own actions and reactions, which means later in life, you can truly learn it, but most won't go the distance and will remain the way they were taught to be, learned to be.

After all, our psyche is held together by our own self-image, we're so accustomed to thinking we are as we are, that changing the balance of it is something we subconsciously, and consciously, steer clear off of.

 

[lewisnotmiller]

....my wife.
The nurse (the least popular in the whole company, they say) was the best visitor, and brought colouring books and pens (yes.... do ask about those ), cards, food approved by the CCU Sister etc etc.. and returned mostly every evening with various 'things'.

I've definitely noticed that politeness and subtle subservience are not markers of 'niceness'. Having said that, a nice and polite person is much easier to be around than an old crab with a heart of gold buried deep...lol

But since you mentioned it, what's the story with the colouring books and pens? Colour me intrigued...

(heehee...couldn't resist...)