Grieving & the Afterlife

[Jupimartian]

How do your religious beliefs affect your grieving? How do your beliefs of an afterlife affect your grieving?

If you believe you will meet your loved ones in the afterlife, is this comforting to you? Does it help you pull through grieving?

If you don't think you'll meet your loved ones in the afterlife, is this disappointing to you? Is it irrelevant to you? Do you think the former mentioned belief just a crutch?

I was raised Christian, under the impression that I'd meet my loved ones again in a permanent Heaven, and frankly, not believing that anymore is depressing to me. The flip side is that I no longer have to lament my non-Christian friends going to hell.

 

[Quintessence]

I see existence - living or nonliving - as a continuity, so yes, that definitely impacts how I regard "death." It's not a "death" and it's not an ending, so I do not recognize it as such. When my parents "die," they will continue as venerated ancestors in my tradition. The substance of their body will be disassembled and reassembled into other parts of the Weave: land, sea, sky, and life. Their legacy endures in me, and memories of who they were in the lives of all that they touched. The identity at all points is maintained in the otherworlds, and as a walker between the worlds, I can access that at any time I would like regardless of this-worldly status. There is really not much to grieve for with such a view. It's not an ending, and our ancestors are always accessible to us.

 

[The Sum of Awe]

To be gone you must be going some where. Everything follows.

 

[Gjallarhorn]

If you don't think you'll meet your loved ones in the afterlife, is this disappointing to you? Is it irrelevant to you? Do you think the former mentioned belief just a crutch?

Not disappointing, but in a way rather powerful. I carry on their memory and legacy, which means if I want them to live on, I must share their memory and legacy with others, and discuss with those who also knew them. That way the longer I live, the longer they live through me.

I think the previous belief can be a crutch, but can also stem from the thing we all learned as children: people don't go away when we close our eyes. It might just be an extension of object permanence.

 

[Pegg]

my belief in the resurrection is a great comfort to me because Im 100% convinced that the dead will be restored to life. So while i am saddened at their loss, i know it wont be permanent. We dont believe we have to be in heaven to see them again.... we will see them right here on earth when they are resurrected to life.

 

[Aquitaine]

Nothing can be truly destroyed, only changed. So like some of the other posters have said, when our loved ones die they'll "spread out" and disassemble into other things. So although their conscious personalities will be gone, they will still exist to some degree - just in a different form.

With that being said though, it would be nice if there was like a separate special dimension where everyone's "souls" are floating around intact, sadly though there appears to be no evidence supporting such a thing.

 

[Shiranui117]

How do your religious beliefs affect your grieving? How do your beliefs of an afterlife affect your grieving?

I pray for those who have died, that God may have mercy on them, grant them blessed repose, and count them among those blessed at His right hand at the Judgement. I also sing hymns for them.

If you believe you will meet your loved ones in the afterlife, is this comforting to you? Does it help you pull through grieving?

It is, yes. I remember when my dog died a few months ago, I believed that I would either see her waiting for me, or that I would be able to ask God to bring her back at the Resurrection. I still believe that now, of course. The same goes for my dad's mom (she died before I quite understood the full ramifications of what it meant to die) and my dad's dad (who I never met), with the exception that I know I'll be seeing them for sure, and won't have to ask God to bring them back.

 

[Sumit]

How do your religious beliefs affect your grieving?

Hinduism helped me a lot. Now I am very happy with life.

How do your beliefs of an afterlife affect your grieving?

I believe in Reincarnation.

If you believe you will meet your loved ones in the afterlife, is this comforting to you? Does it help you pull through grieving?

I don't believe in permanent hell and heaven.

If you don't think you'll meet your loved ones in the afterlife, is this disappointing to you?

No.

 

[BruceDLimber]

From the Baha'i scriptures:

"O SON OF THE SUPREME!

"I have made death a messenger of joy to thee; wherefore dost thou grieve?
"I have made the light to shine upon thee its splendor; why dost thou veil thyself therefrom?"
--The Hidden Words, Part One, #32

 

[Twilight Hue]

No. Once loved ones are gone.....they're gone. However everything that had comprised the people i love is very much still around and intact. So in a literal view they never were gone to begin with, so there had been no real separation or loss. Just form and ego is what is missed.

There is pain of course but at the same time much comfort in knowing each atom remains "awaiting" to be incorporated into form.

My comfort is knowing they are fine on the atomic scale and thinking what form will rise to live once again.

 

[mazaburein]

I was raised Christian, under the impression that I'd meet my loved ones again in a permanent Heaven, and frankly, not believing that anymore is depressing to me. The flip side is that I no longer have to lament my non-Christian friends going to hell.

So you don't believe in a permanent heaven. Do you completely disbelieve in an afterlife?

I don't believe in an afterlife personally. When people die their influence remains yet they're also gone.

 

[Sha'irullah]

I am not sure if it is due to social detachment or just my usual cynicism but I have never grieved over anybody in my lifetime. My dad, uncles or aunts all died in my earlier youth and as much as I loved them it did not shed me a single tear. As to afterlife, I have never thought about it and I have never cared much for discussing it because there is no substantial evidence to prove in the existence of an afterlife. Although inter-dimensional reincarnation has sound quite logical it is only a plausibility regardless of personal endeavor of its existence.

One of the main joys people have about heaven is the thought of meeting their loved-ones but what about those of us whose only desire is to be left alone? Eternity is a long time to live with somebody is it not . Heaven if it exist would have to be either personal and within our individual control or be reunion with god as Sufi and Hindu metaphysicist propose. So many Christians think of Heaven as this massive cloudy sanitized stretch of land that is a gathering of Christians and will involvd eternal communion between man and man and man and god.

 

[Penumbra]

How do your religious beliefs affect your grieving? How do your beliefs of an afterlife affect your grieving?

If you believe you will meet your loved ones in the afterlife, is this comforting to you? Does it help you pull through grieving?

If you don't think you'll meet your loved ones in the afterlife, is this disappointing to you? Is it irrelevant to you? Do you think the former mentioned belief just a crutch?

I was raised Christian, under the impression that I'd meet my loved ones again in a permanent Heaven, and frankly, not believing that anymore is depressing to me. The flip side is that I no longer have to lament my non-Christian friends going to hell.

My father died a little over a month ago. I'm not a theist nor do I particularly believe in any afterlives.

I miss him, but that doesn't change my assessment of the situation which is that I have little or no evidence that a meaningful afterlife exists, and some evidence that a meaningful afterlife does not exist. It's probably not any more falsifiable than Russel's Teapot.

The best I can say is that at least he is not suffering anymore. For many years, health problems caused him to have substantial suffering. This was especially so during the last year, and his death was not unexpected. So my way of grieving is:
a) It was not unexpected; I was prepared for it.
b) He was suffering, but now he is at peace. His quality of life had dropped to a point where it would be better to go to sleep than to be awake, so when that happened I was more relieved for him than anything. It was harder for me to see him in pain for so long than to see him die.
c) He seemed to be at least mildly or moderately satisfied with how his life was even though he had a lot of disappointment and suffering from beginning to end (along with some joys), he didn't have fear of death, and he did have a belief in an afterlife. In his final months he was more worried about how his suffering was affecting others rather than worrying about his own death. Basically he went out like a trooper so that's cool.

I don't view nature/universe as an optimal or beautiful thing. Just as something that "is". It's beautiful, it's ugly, it's grand, it's terrible, etc. And it's heterogeneous, so some people get a lot of pain and die and others get a lot of joy and die. The best I can do is just interact with it and try to get along. I can try to learn things about it, and I'll take apparent truths over falsehoods whenever possible.

 

[StarryNightshade]

How do your religious beliefs affect your grieving? How do your beliefs of an afterlife affect your grieving?

If you believe you will meet your loved ones in the afterlife, is this comforting to you? Does it help you pull through grieving?

If you don't think you'll meet your loved ones in the afterlife, is this disappointing to you? Is it irrelevant to you? Do you think the former mentioned belief just a crutch?

1.) I was a Buddhist for about a year and its teachings did shape my beliefs. After I ceased to be one, I still believe in many of its teachings, such as the 8 fold path and 4 Noble truths. However, I'm now back to being a seeker, so my views on death and the afterlife are fairly scattered.

2.) One of the views I retained from Buddhism is rebirth/reincarnation; albeit, I still remain agnostic on that view. If rebirth exists, I don't believe I'll see loved ones again, but I can still be "assured" that they are reborn into a new form of life or have been released by means of enlightenment. However, if there is an actual afterlife, then I believe that it is a state of consciousness, rather than a literal place of paradise or torment.

3.)No, it's not disappointing to me. Everything is temporary. I may not see them again in heaven, but like I said, I do feel some assurance that they could be reborn in another life-form or are released from the world.

 

[Jupimartian]

So you don't believe in a permanent heaven. Do you completely disbelieve in an afterlife?

I don't know what I believe. :x I'm leaning toward metaphysical naturalism, though...(albeit still agnostic)

 

[lewisnotmiller]

How do your religious beliefs affect your grieving? How do your beliefs of an afterlife affect your grieving?

There was a time I kinda wished I believed in heaven, to tell the truth. Not any more though. I actually think it helps me in a lot of ways. I don't ask the 'Why?' type questions a lot of people do. But death and loss are painful, regardless of belief, mostly.

If you believe you will meet your loved ones in the afterlife, is this comforting to you? Does it help you pull through grieving?

N/A

If you don't think you'll meet your loved ones in the afterlife, is this disappointing to you? Is it irrelevant to you? Do you think the former mentioned belief just a crutch?

Disappointing is the wrong word. I simply don't believe it. It would be asking someone who believed in a literal Heaven whether they were disappointed they weren't going to reincarnate, I guess...it's just a different way of thinking. I think there are a disappointingly large number of people who don't believe it, but try to convince themselves. But for those that TRULY believe it, I don't see it as a crutch.

I was raised Christian, under the impression that I'd meet my loved ones again in a permanent Heaven, and frankly, not believing that anymore is depressing to me. The flip side is that I no longer have to lament my non-Christian friends going to hell.

If you were a true believer of a religion, one of the most obvious ways it is going to help you is through times of trouble, loss and hardship. But if you're not a true believer, the whole afterlife thing isn't actually helping you at all. At a total guess, you're trying to reconcile a loving God with a sudden loss. You're trying to convince yourself they've gone to a better place. I think people need to be honest with themselves, and that it actually then helps you reconcile what has happened in the best and healthiest manner.

Please note, I'm not trying to push the atheist barrow here. If being honest to yourself is belief in an afterlife, then cool. If it's not, then don't pretend...your subconscious knows anyway, and you're just avoiding the issue.

This may or may not help, but I always try to look at these things on a holistic level. There have been times in my past when I've thought 'Gee, it would be easier if I was <insert Christian religion here>. I dated a Catholic, I was raised Church of England, and I have plenty of Christian friends. Times of celebration or grieving are foremost in my mind here. But at some point I got past that. I'm completely comfortable with how I live my life, my morals, and my beliefs, and I find that comfort and self-confidence/belief are far more powerful in getting over loss than 'faking it' would have been. It did take a while, though...*shrugs*...I have more Christian and agnostic friends than committed atheists...lol

 

[Levite]

How do your religious beliefs affect your grieving? How do your beliefs of an afterlife affect your grieving?

Well, Judaism is a religion with a lot of rituals for all occasions, and the rituals surrounding death and mourning are actually quite helpful, as they begin with extremely intensive mourning, designed to give you maximum space to grieve and experience the loss, and then they slowly taper off, transitioning you to less and less intensive mourning and more and more return to everyday life. It's a process that takes about a year, all told. After that we only mark the anniversary of a loved one's death every year with a prayer and a memorial candle. I cannot overstate how much these traditions support a healthy and thoughtful grieving proces, and I have found them invaluable when I have experienced losses.

As for my beliefs in the afterlife, I believe in one, but I am by no means certain that we meet those we love in this lifetime again-- though I hope we do. I guess my beliefs help in that I believe that something of all of us lives on eternally, and the wisdom and experiences of those I love will never vanish entirely from the universe.

If you believe you will meet your loved ones in the afterlife, is this comforting to you? Does it help you pull through grieving?

It's a good hope, but I don't know for sure it is anything more than a hope. That's not the primary thing about my theology and practices that I find helpful in dealing with loss.

If you don't think you'll meet your loved ones in the afterlife, is this disappointing to you? Is it irrelevant to you? Do you think the former mentioned belief just a crutch?

Whether I believe or not, the fact remains that it is all belief-- hypothesis, hope, nothing 100% certain and verified. We all face the risk of never meeting again those we lose in death. That's why more pragmatic ways of dealing with loss are so important, even if one does believe in an afterlife and whatnot.

I was raised Christian, under the impression that I'd meet my loved ones again in a permanent Heaven, and frankly, not believing that anymore is depressing to me. The flip side is that I no longer have to lament my non-Christian friends going to hell.

I can only imagine. Judaism has no Hell, and no agreement on what the afterlife might be like-- if, indeed, there is an afterlife.