Growing up with and without religion

[9-10ths_Penguin]

While remembering back to my high school days, I got to thinking about what my experience was like in terms of religion: while I knew religious people, religion was more of a private thing. In my social life, religion barely came up at all.

I mean, I had Sikh classmates who would wear turbans, but we never really discussed it. And I can probably count on one hand the number of times I heard someone listening to a Christian rock song in the hall.

We had to say the Lord's Prayer in class up until grade 3 when they finally got rid of that, but after that, I don't think I ever heard a prayer in a school at all... and not because people weren't allowed to pray; it was just something that wasn't done. The only reason I knew our school had a Christian Student Society was that their photo was in the yearbook.

There were Catholic schools nearby (and if you want to get me worked up, ask me about Ontario's taxpayer-funded Catholic schools :areyoucra), but I never really talked to anyone who went to them, because (going to a different school and all) I didn't know them. Our schools didn't even play in the same sports leagues.

My school offered a World Religions course, but it was optional and I never did well in humanities in high school, so I passed it up and went for something easier.

All in all, while I was aware of religion around me in different ways, my life growing up was very... secular. And not just at home; religion just didn't matter in my life. To me, when I thought of "church", I'd think of "the place across the street from my school where kids skateboard on the steps" or "the basement where I used to go for Cub Scout meetings" before I'd think "house of worship". Religion was there, but it just didn't seem important.

I'm just wondering: what were other people's experiences? What role did religion play in your life growing up?

If you were religious, did you feel like an outcast from society, or did you feel like your society reinforced your faith?

If you were irreligious and grew up immersed in religion, what was that like?

 

[9-10ths_Penguin]

Heh... I guess religion was even more prominent than I remembered - I can't believe I forgot about the Miracle House!

You see, two doors down from me, they supposedly had a picture of the Virgin Mary that would sweat. People would come from all over to see it. We'd get cars parked up and down our street. On a few occasions, tour buses actually blocked off our whole street while people in wheelchairs and on crutches were helped down off the bus and into the house... I suppose so they could experience its "healing grace" or something like that.

According to my Filipino next-door neighbours (who were kinda annoyed with all the ruckus, too), it was a very big deal in the local Filipino community. The Mom next door told us about going to a new dentist; as she was giving her contact info to the receptionist (including her street address), the receptionist exclaimed "Oh! You live near the Miracle House!" :areyoucra

However, this never made me feel like I was in a society permeated by religion. I mean, I was confronted with this on a regular basis, but it always felt like an aberration. It was too weird for me to consider it "normal" and me as the "outcast".

 

[Penumbra]

Religion played an indirect, and small or moderately sized role in my life. I was raised liberally Catholic, and went to church on most Sundays. I didn't really like it, because we went really early in the morning. I can't really eat when I first wake up, because I won't feel good, so I would end up going to church on an empty stomach, and feel kind of sick later on. Plus I found it really uninteresting. I found Sunday school to be really boring too, but I was friendly with one of the nuns, and would get there early to help her set up.

I did believe in god, though. I prayed a lot, but I didn't believe in the doctrines or rituals and found most of that stuff to be rather silly. For the most part, religion didn't affect anything for me.

Religion wasn't present in my public schooling at all. I would never have learned anything about any religions if I had not studied them on my own. I didn't even know the difference between a Muslim and a Hindu when I was a kid.

 

[no-body]

None at all either way.

The only religious thing I can remember is asking my parents what religion I was and told Catholic/Christian when I was like 5. I talked about it with a classmate who told me that Catholics aren't Christians, there are only Christians, then we prayed or something.

Coming from a secular household is about the only thing I'm thankful for in my childhood. It thought me the importance of not indoctrinating children to be little versions of yourself to satisfy the ego. If there is a gap, the child will think for themselves and fill it when they are an adult.

 

[FluentYank3825]

While remembering back to my high school days, I got to thinking about what my experience was like in terms of religion: while I knew religious people, religion was more of a private thing. In my social life, religion barely came up at all.

I mean, I had Sikh classmates who would wear turbans, but we never really discussed it. And I can probably count on one hand the number of times I heard someone listening to a Christian rock song in the hall.

We had to say the Lord's Prayer in class up until grade 3 when they finally got rid of that, but after that, I don't think I ever heard a prayer in a school at all... and not because people weren't allowed to pray; it was just something that wasn't done. The only reason I knew our school had a Christian Student Society was that their photo was in the yearbook.

There were Catholic schools nearby (and if you want to get me worked up, ask me about Ontario's taxpayer-funded Catholic schools :areyoucra), but I never really talked to anyone who went to them, because (going to a different school and all) I didn't know them. Our schools didn't even play in the same sports leagues.

My school offered a World Religions course, but it was optional and I never did well in humanities in high school, so I passed it up and went for something easier.

All in all, while I was aware of religion around me in different ways, my life growing up was very... secular. And not just at home; religion just didn't matter in my life. To me, when I thought of "church", I'd think of "the place across the street from my school where kids skateboard on the steps" or "the basement where I used to go for Cub Scout meetings" before I'd think "house of worship". Religion was there, but it just didn't seem important.

I'm just wondering: what were other people's experiences? What role did religion play in your life growing up?

If you were religious, did you feel like an outcast from society, or did you feel like your society reinforced your faith?

If you were irreligious and grew up immersed in religion, what was that like?

It didn't play much of a role for me when I was a kid. I was raised Catholic for the first few years of my life, being baptized twice as an infant, going to Mass with mother and my siblings, even spending my first grade year in a Catholic school. I didn't like it much, because I thought all of it was really boring and hated the school uniforms they made us wear. My opinion didn't change much for the first several years after joining the LDS Church. I thought it was all boring and I didn't take it seriously. From the time I was fourteen until about 2 years ago though, my religion became my life. I did everything it told me to, attending church and seminary, reading the Book of Mormon and other LDS works, and working to the utmost to fulfill what I thought God wanted me to do, even leaving behind my Catholic girlfriend to attend BYU. Recently (about a year ago) I stopped going when I began questioning the validity of what I really believed and found it wanting.

 

[Levite]

Well, I went to Orthodox day school until the end of elementary school, so it played a big part in my school life until that point. After that, I went to Hebrew school a couple of afternoons a week until high school, so it was there; but once I started going to public school, I rarely encountered religion in any form at school.

But mostly, my core experiences with religion were at home. I have very fond memories of Shabbat with my family: we would sing together, my mom always made special dishes, we would talk about the weekly Torah portion, and we would always go to services together. I remember being very small, and my father reading bedtime stories to me out of the JPS translation of the Tanakh-- I loved those stories so much! And I used to love the holidays, and helping to prepare for them, and learning the stories and the songs that went with them, and learning how to cook all the traditional dishes. I remember how excited I was when my mom started teaching me how to chant the Torah for public reading, and how proud I was the first time that I was permitted to chant Torah aloud for my congregation. I remember how excited I was for my bar mitzvah-- not for a party, because we only had a small party for it-- but to be able to be called to the Torah as an adult, to be able to lead prayer services, to finally get my own tallit and tefillin (prayer shawl and phylacteries).

Growing up, my best friend was a Catholic, and we used to have a great time going over to each other's houses and learning about each other's holidays and traditions. My dad was the rabbi at the local college's Hillel house, and he used to invite the campus priest, and a couple of local pastors and monks over for Passover, or for Shabbat. My mom was friendly with a Muslim woman who taught Islamic Studies at the local college, and she would come for such holidays, too. And we would sit around, and I would listen to them all sharing their ideas about God and faith and traditions, and I loved how they all had different ideas, but they all loved God so much, and loved their communities so much.

Religion was definitely present in my childhood, and I remember it very warmly. My childhood just wouldn't have been the same without it.

 

[LuisDantas]

Religion plays a big role in many people's lifes here in Brazil. Not too few people seem to actually need it for a sense of purpose, usually in the form of some kind of Christianism (often Roman Catholic) or Kardecist Spiritism.

In fact, it seems to me that many people are actively afraid of not having it to rely upon. I see it as a consequence - and to some extent, also a cause - of the sorry state of our social institutions.

 

[England my lionheart]

I was Baptized as a Baby and went to two Church of England Schools which were quite liberal,if you didn't want to pray or sing Hymns you didnt have to,as a Child i thought Christianity was a foreign belief,my Brother and Sisters were very believing and being the youngest would chide me for not taking it seriously but my Parents never pushed religion on me thankfully.

I went to Sunday School mostly because we could make Toffee Apples and i have fond memories of the people who ran it although i never believed the stoties they told us like Noahs Ark and Jacobs Ladder.

As a Kid i was aware of Judaism,Hinduism and Islam,Judaism because it was the basis for the Abrahmic religions and Hinduism and Islam because of the influx of immigrants due to the Labour shortage and an excellent School Teacher we had.

Some of my freinds were Catholic and it amazed me how austere it came accross as a Child,in our little Gang was a Hindu who i helped to learn English and one who wasn't allowed out much who's Parents were Jehovahs witnesses so i was well aware of religion but couldn't understand why people needed it,my Wife is a Christian but we rarely discuss our stance on religion for good reason.

 

[9-10ths_Penguin]

I guess I've been thinking about all this more because of what's been going on in my life. I have several friends with small children, and some of them are quite religious. Their kids are being brought up in a way that's much more religious than what I experienced: grace before every meal, prayers at bedtime, church on Sunday, Veggietales ... I just wonder how different their view will be from mine.

I realize that different people in the same society can have radically different viewpoints, but it still feels strange to be confronted by this.

 

[Jordan St. Francis]

I was raised in a somewhat liberal Catholic environment. I went to a Catholic elementary school and high school, where we had Mass together as a school on a monthly basis, prayer in the morning, mandatory religion classes, education about and reception of the sacraments (eucharist, reconciliation, confirmation). As well as the occasional school Rosary and the annual May Crowning.

At home, it was customary to pray the Rosary on Sunday night, to always go together to Mass as a family (though in adolescence I was permitted to substitute Mass with another church as I did some exploring), to always pray before meals, ect.

My family used to vacation up north, and my mother took me a few times to Marmora, a farm where the Blessed Virgin has supposedly appeared. We would go there, pray, do the Stations and take some holy water. This was on a farm. The Stations were prayed along a hill, one would walk through the forests and see Rosaries hanging in the trees and statues in the woods. The holiness of this place, with the nature it was surrounded in, really stuck with me and cemented my sacramental experience of the world, I think.

Though all in all, my family was very, very light on the dogma. They were not intellectually rigorous (nor are they now). Religion was a practice that comes through our rural Slovenian heritage. It was very important for us when two of my mother's sisters got cancer as well as my grandfather (all survived). My family has a somewhat European feel, with many of us living on the same small farm (two aunts, grandparents, two cousins, god father and my parents and brother). A monthly Sunday dinner at my grandmother's is the norm, as well as frequent lunch, daily visiting, ect. Christmas and Easter are large affairs at my grandmother's home, two holidays which I adore in their company.

Religion has declined in my family in the recent years and lost so much of its bonding power for us a family. This saddens me deeply. My mother and her sister are both Catholic school teachers, but they rarely attend Mass outside of school now. My mother got really into pilates, then yoga and now Zumba. She and my father are uncomfortable with Church teaching on homosexuality and divorce. All are quite put off by the sex scandals. My grandparents remains steadfast. I am the only one who practices of the four grand children, and now we're all adults.

I am very thankful for my Catholic upbringing. I took it very much to heart as a young boy. I was always aware of God and possessed of a love for Him. From my earliest days, I felt there was a kind of living mystery at the heart of life which I was called to be devoted to. My family members and school teachers (mostly women) have been astounding examples of the love of Christ for me, taught me how to acknowledge God, how to see Him in others, and I feel that I owe them all a great day.

My education and family piety was not one filled with hell fire and brimstone or condemnations of other religions and secular ways of life.

In some ways, I am not as liberal as my upbringing. But I think that is in order to hold fast to what I received, less it be converted to sentimentalism and eventual apathy, as I see it has done among the majority of my peers.

Still, my family remains Catholic. This weekend I am going home to visit and we will all pray the Rosary by candlelight at my grandmother's for Earth Hour. Its become a tradition in recent years.

 

[Riverwolf]

Religion played virtually no role whatsoever in my childhood save for a sort of belief in heaven, where the angles (who are dead people) live and watch over us, and who are ruled over by an angel named God (whose name I always thought was a "bad word" because I misunderstood something my parents said. lol)

In middle-school, as I learned a bit about mythology, I fashioned my own religion out of elements from video games, childhood movies that I loved, and some elements from mythology.

Eventually, in High School, I settled on a form of pagan Goddess worship via the Earth, Moon, and Sun. I occasionally prayed to the "Mother."

A few years ago, while becoming interested in the various philosophies of religions, I stumbled upon the Upanishads, and was absolutely blown away by their contents. That was what eventually led me to becoming Hindu.

 

[Gaura Priya]

Wow, it's amazing to read all these stories and how many of us have been culturally Catholics...

Growing up in a Filipino family, I was by birth a Catholic Christian. I was the most religious out of my family, although my mother and father were pretty lapsed in their Catholicism... we would go to church on Easter and Christmas, and most Sundays growing up.

My grandparents were strongly religious. From the island of Iloilo, much of my mother's side's hispanicity was still quite apparent in their strong Christian principles. Every time I visited them, I would end up going to church with them... at times I would be awake, listening to the sermon quietly; at other times, I would sleep on grandfather's lap. Grandpa was mighty proud of me that I would go to church with him. My grandmother would pray the rosary every day, and I would pray with her as well...

Sunday school was an interesting experience... but I followed through, and even for a brief moment wanted to become a priest. I was a Charismatic Catholic, and I studied the Bible and often even went into verse slinging with some of my high school Protestant friends.

However, much of my Christian identity was highly cultural, something that I can never regain back... my childhood was very nice; my parents became less religious, divorced, and life carries on. However, although I reject mainstream Christian doctrines, I nevertheless respect the Christian religion.

 

[esmith]

I was raised in a Christian home and attended church until I was around 18. Didn't go back until last year, so there was a laps of around 50 years. Really don't know what religion I subscribe to now/ I believe in the Old Testament but discount the New Testament. I am willing to listen to the Christian minister but have problems with his religious interpretations.

 

[Klaufi_Wodensson]

I was raised as a Catholic, and went to church almost every Sunday. I hated it. Every bit about it. Church was boring, Sunday school was boring; I just didn't want to be there. In eighth grade I finally told my parents how I felt, and reluctantly (Because who wants to let their kid choose to go to Hell, eh? ) they let me make a breakfast for the family instead of Church. Because they liked to pull the card that "Church isn't just for religion, it's for a family gathering; do it out of respect for your mother/family; etc, etc" so I had to do something for the family instead. In school, we never really talked much about religion. In elementary, when asked by other kids, just told them the religion of their parents. Most kids didn't really believe in my opinion, they just did what their parents did. It never really made me feel like an outcast or anything, at least not until eighth grade, where I told people I was a Satanist... lol. Needless to say, I found some like minded fellows (atheists, Satanists) in ninth grade and we talked about religion quite often. Then I moved schools and am attended my Junior year up here in New Hampshire, and no one really talks of religion. Because it's a small town, there are only a few Christian churches, so most people are either Christians or they just don't care. I am a Germanic Pagan now, so on the very few occasions I've been asked about my religion (once or twice) I've told them, and they've said something along the lines of "Oh, what's that?" Or "Oh, cool." People up here are very accepting. Telling someone in Florida that I was a Pagan would have the same effect as telling them I worship Satan and eat babies. All in all, I don't think religion had a huge effect on my childhood.

 

[Kathryn]

Wow, what an interesting thread! One of my favorites so far. Is there an award for "most interesting thread?"

Anyway, I was raised in a Christian home where faith played a huge role. Faith, not religion - there is a difference.

My father and mother worked full time for a non denominational ministry called The Navigators.
Home - The Navigators

At the time, that ministry's main outreach was active duty military personnel (my father was in the Air Force before getting out and working with this ministry full time). So, even though he eventually got out of the military, we still lived around military bases and our home was often very full of military personnel.

The Navigators offer indepth bible studies, and these bible studies encourage people to discuss and debate, since the ministry is markedly NON denominational. Since my dad was a regional leader, we had several bible studies a week in our home. I remember listening to hours of spirited debate about doctrines among the participants, who came from all sorts of backgrounds - ethnic, religious, socioeconomic, etc. We always had a multicultural sort of feel to our daily lives, and to me, this is the greatest gift my parents gave me. That, and the fact that we moved around a lot all over the world - these experiences gave me an appreciation for walks of life which differ from my own experiences and societal norms and expectations.

My parents encouraged an open minded, questioning, challenging sort of faith walk. They encouraged an intellectual pursuit of spiritual understanding. We did attend church regularly, but depending on where we lived, those church experiences varied a LOT. That and the fact that they encouraged relationships with many different sorts of people allowed me to experience a lot of different religious settings.

I remember loving God as a very small child. In fact, I remember going outside and turning my face to the sun and jumping in the air to "kiss God's face." I was only five at the time. When I was six, I begged to be allowed to take communion and be baptised. I remember the pastor coming over and talking with me in depth. Finally he shook his head and turned to my parents and said, "Jesus would not turn her faith away. I don't see how we can." From that point on, I took communion - which to this day is still a vital part of my faith experience.

As an adult, I had some experiences whivh shook my faith, and I shook my fist in God's face rather than turn toward Him in love. Eventually, though, I rebuilt my faith and am now firmly Christian in my beliefs and practices. But I do believe that God is bigger than Christianity, and therefore I also believe that there is truth outside of Christianity, and that God honors and accepts truth from any source.

I don't concern myself with judging others and their relationship with the Creator. After all, I don't want them judging me either. I can thank my parents for that mindset. They gave me a wonderful childhood filled with faith and promise.

 

[rakeyrach]

This is quite an interesting thread!
Okay, my story
My family isn't really religious at all, but my mum always had me do the RE lessons in primary school, and between the ages of about 8 and 11, I always thought that Christianity was everything and was just perfect, probably because I was spoon-fed those stories every week for about 6 years. On top of that, every time I visited my grandmother (who is a pastor at the local church), she would read me bible stories. By the time 7th grade rolled round, I was getting bored in lessons and everything seemed to unrealistic and untrue.

Then high school came along, and Mum said to me "Okay Rach, the choice is yours now" and I flatly told her "no more!". I met a girl in grade 9 who soon became my best friend, and at the end of grade 10, beginning of grade 11, I discovered that she was a Wiccan. I had never heard the term before, and, after listening to her talk about it, decided to learn all I could about it. I soon began to realise that the teachings of Wicca and the practices of Paganism were just so... me! It all made perfect sense, it didn't sound like a bunch of myths like Christianity soon became to me, and it wasn't restrictive of behavior (which I HATED about most religions). Also, the golden rule was (in simple wording) "do what you want, as long as you don't hurt anyone". For me, being a very caring person, thought that was brilliant! Nothing about condemning or killing people of other faiths, just that we should all get along in harmony. I soon bought myself a pentacle and settled into my new spiritual life!

The problem was, the (public!) high school I attended had a very obvious, very Christian deputy. Never mind that it's supposed to be wrong for public schools to favour a specific religion; our school chaplain would get up on assembly every Monday and pray to God. There was nothing for the Muslims in the school, nothing for the Jews, and certainly nothing for the Pagan/Wiccan community. On occasion, I had been told to remove my pentacle, despite the fact that we were allowed religious jewelry. The deputy then invented the rule that all religious jewelry must be on a fine gold or silver chain. I had mine on a thin, black, leather strap (as I couldn't afford gold or silver). Thankfully the strap was long enough so my pentacle could sit low enough not to be seen.

Since then, I've gone through all the prejudice; people calling me evil, people trying to convert me back to Christianity, even arguments with my strongly Christian friend who was struggling with accepting what my faith was (which, thankfully, is now resolved). My Mum thankfully is happy for my being happy with Paganism and even introduced me to her Wiccan friend from work, who in turn introduced me into her circle, which is a big friendship and learning group for people of all ages and all faiths that come under the neo-Pagan banner. My dad is not so cool with the whole thing, but I couldn't really care less. His opinions don't shape mine, and if he wanted to, he should've tried back then. I don't think that would've made much of a difference, though. I believe that if we're meant for a certain faith, we will come across that path eventually without being pushed towards it.

 

[Revasser]

Religion played a very small part in my life while I was growing up.

Neither of my parents were religious, though one flirted a little with new-agey style "Buddhism" for a year. Aside from that, I would say my father was apathetic agnostic with a distaste for "wowsers" and my mother's "spiritual" life was defined by her garden and her horses.

My primary school had "Scripture Class" as compulsory thing up until, I believe, my seventh and final year. I attended the regular Anglican classes up until, I think, year 3 or 4. I remember always wondering if the old dude who taught the class actually believed all the silly stories from the Bible and if he actually expected the kids to believe (I'm told I made a bit of nuisance of myself asking inappropriate questions, but I don't remember it myself).

After complaining loudly to my father that Scripture was boring and stupid, he took me out of the churchy classes and put me into a different class run by some Baha'is. At this point, it was mandatory to do SOME kind of religion class (unless you were a Muslim, in which case, nobody really knew what do with you and/or were scared of offending your parents). The Baha'i class was mostly a "world religions" deal where we learned about "The Great Religions". Mostly Islam, Judaism, Christianity and Hinduism. I vaguely remember liking the pictures of the blue people from the Hinduism part the most and wondering what spelling of "Muhammad" was the correct one.

Church was that awful, weird smelling place the school dragged us all to on Christmas to sing boring songs and listen to boring men give boring lectures about boring Jesus and boring Mary and three wise, boring men. I distinctly remember the plaques stuck to the walls of the Wesley Church the school favoured and wondering if "God is Love" was supposed to be nonsense, or if somebody just got the sign wrong. Aside from that, the only time I went into a church as a kid was exploring the old church ("First Church Built in Western Australia", no less) at the bottom of the main street, which was cool because it was old, dark and creepy and vampires would live there if it weren't for all the crosses everywhere.

The only time I recall that I tried believing in God as a kid was when I prayed really, really hard (complete with "Thank you God for making the world and stuff") every night for a week for him to turn me into a lizard boy. Sadly, God failed my simple test and I did not become a lizard boy. Thus I decided, at the age of 8 or 9, that God wasn't real. Otherwise, I would be typing this post right now with scaly claws or suction-cup gecko hands.

Spiritually/religiously speaking (and otherwise), teenage years were a bit of a mess that I look back on with a mix of amusement, shame and mortification. But that's probably a bit beyond the scope of the topic.

 

[Ortho]

I grew up in one of the former communistic countries, where Atheism is not a nonsens and a lot of young people consider themselves satanists, so I am not very shoked with neopaganism, but shoked how many of you are coming from catholic background.
My grandparents was not very religious, so my mother had to rediscover Orthodoxy for herself through deep study of many different religions, so in turn when I started to question my childhood faith, as everybody does, I had a huge mom's library availible. Soon I found Orthodoxy to be endlesly deep (despite the fact it seems to be quite simple, especially if one grew with simplified stories for kids and never overcame Kid's Bible). There was a moment when I left the chuch... to have fun life, but soon realize it is not that fun and is not worth of what I missed. I missed God, I missed communion because through it I was so close to Him, I missed church. Soon I met my husband, he converted to Orthodoxy and we came to America. I was surprized to find here a full church of converts, many of whom finished theological colleges and went through a long jorney to find it. I am still in love with Orhodoxy and like it more and more.

 

[9-10ths_Penguin]

I was raised in a somewhat liberal Catholic environment. I went to a Catholic elementary school and high school, where we had Mass together as a school on a monthly basis, prayer in the morning, mandatory religion classes, education about and reception of the sacraments (eucharist, reconciliation, confirmation). As well as the occasional school Rosary and the annual May Crowning.

At home, it was customary to pray the Rosary on Sunday night, to always go together to Mass as a family (though in adolescence I was permitted to substitute Mass with another church as I did some exploring), to always pray before meals, ect.

Since we grew up near each other and we had different familial upbringings, I wonder: what did society outside church, family and school feel like to you? Did it still feel like there was an underlying religiosity? Did it feel particularly irreligious?

I mean, when you went out to the mall or watched TV, did you think "I'm among the godless now"?

I guess what I especially wondered about when I start this thread is how different points of view affect how two people look at the same thing. I also wonder how much we tend to assume that other people think the way that we do unless we're given reason to conclude differently.