PyroPathos
Pre-initiate Wiccan
... and if so, does anyone have any advice? This is part Wiccan part general life problem, but I figured I'd post it here since Wicca is definitely part of it.
I've been dating Cass for almost 2 years now. We're happy together, have only argued maybe 5 times, and he's like a best friend in addition to my boyfriend. I can tell him absolutely anything.
I had an idea of the kind of problems I'd run into by choosing a religion so out of the mainstream, but I never expected it to be so bad. I figured that kind of stuff was for the movies, you know? But I've run into it all, it seems. People ask me if I worship Satan, sacrifice children by the full moon, run around naked, the works. At first I tried to be patient, and explain that the brand I practice is closer to tree-loving, environmental Hippie-ism than anything. I celebrate the longest day in the summer and the shortest day in the winter, the harvest, and have a healthy appreciation for the beauty of the earth. I burn candles and meditate, and I pot plants.
Some people accept this fairly well enough, but others just don't seem to get it. It was all really water off my back until an incident that involved Cass' mother.
Cass had been interested in Wicca long before he met me, and once he found out that I was Wiccan he had a lot of questions since he wasn't really a practitioner. I told him all of the above.
His mom found out about it, and at first she seemed okay. She warned us about it (she's Roman Catholic, so obviously she doesn't approve) and even told me that she had been similar to Wiccan in her youth but "something happened" and she converted to Christianity. She wouldn't say what.
Then came the day when their house got broken into. It was awful, but not a surprise to me. They leave all their doors unlocked in spite of many suggestions from friends and neighbors to lock up. One of their birds was killed during the break in, and the first thing Cass' mom did was turn around and blame Cass' and my "dark magic."
According to her, evil spirits broke into her house, trashed everything, and killed the bird. So she proceeded to clean everything, touch all the evidence, and "purify" the house with sage, etc. I just remember her pointing at nothing and shouting "DON'T MESS WITH ME!" to a dark spirit she supposedly saw lurking in her house. She even got her 8-year old son into it and it pained me greatly to see little Colin running around shouting "I purify evil from this house!" They could have been in danger from some sort of live person, but she was so convinced I had cast a spell that went wrong that she never even filed a report with the police. According to her, somehow, (while potting my plants I guess) I magically sent a demon to their house. What??
This was the biggest blow to me as far as prejudice. I never imagined that someone New Age like me could think that someone like Cass' mother was off her rocker for waving burning sage around in her house. I'm spiritual, but if my house gets trashed and one of my pets gets killed I'm calling the police, not waving burning leaves around. It just made no sense to me at all.
I know the reason she does these things is because she's scared and doesn't understand why bad things happen to her. She's said so herself. She claims that Satan is responsible for all wrong in her life, even taking it to the point where she claims that the Devil is in someone if they so much as disagree with something she says. It gives her comfort, I guess, to blame bad things on some large force totally out of her control. I just feel bad that she drags her family into everything with her.
This incident dug at me for a long time. I eventually wrote her a letter, explaining that I had felt very hurt by her accusation, and asking if I could talk to her one on one about our religions. I was curious as to what drove her away from Wicca in her youth and asked in the note if she was comfortable sharing that with me, but that it was fine if she wasn't. I still wanted to talk so we could see eye to eye. She never gave me any indication that she read it and, discouraged, I dropped the subject and she and I continued to be awkwardly nice and polite.
Strangely enough it wasn't that incident that got me "outcasted" you could say, from their house. Maybe 3 months later she was ragging on Cass for a car accident that wasn't his fault (some guy turned into him on the road) claiming that he "wrecked her car." I could tell Cass was getting mad to the breaking point and for whatever reason I felt inclined to speak my mind. I said that we all knew it wasn't Cass' fault that some guy turned into him, and that I knew she was upset about her car, but that it sounded like she was blaming him for something that wasn't his fault and that wasn't really fair. Big, big mistake.
She got in inch away from me, stuck her finger in my face and started fighting with me. I was confused more than anything, so I didn't yell, but just repeated myself in different words to see if that was better. She stormed away and when Cass tried to follow her to talk to her she threw him out of her house. He's been living with me since then.
In the past month Cass has managed to have two or three civil phone talks and is even as I write having dinner at his house. I'm very happy for him, since I'd hate for him to have bad blood in his family. I just personally am still hurt and these feelings of betrayal are keeping me away from his family. She never apologizes for anything, and I highly doubt she'll ever admit that she was totally irrational that day. I highly regret ever speaking my mind with her, but the way she reacted was just so disproportionate to the situation. I never expected that.
I guess what hurts most is that for a while they claimed I was family. They always wanted me to come over and stay over as long as I could. I did their laundry, dishes, random chores, and it was really like being a member of their household. Apparently I was only "family" so long as I smiled, nodded, and kept my mouth shut though. I can count on one hand how many times in my life I've felt this betrayed. I just wish they hadn't said I was famliy if they didn't mean it.
As much as I long to set things right with her and finally get this under the bridge, everyone I know is telling me not to talk to her. She's been spreading word about me behind my back for around 2 months now to anyone who will listen, and of course they turn around and tell me. She's saying that I am not possessed by the Devil, but actually AM the Devil, and that I'll no doubt drive her son to suicide... among other things.
As angry as I was, I can't stay mad for long. This situation just serves to stress me out and depress me these days, and as much as I would dread a talk with her, I kind of want to just figure out where she's coming from, hear her thoughts and share mine. However, I am expressly forbidden by nearly everyone I know to even approach her, because apparently it's "a really really bad idea." Even if it is a bad idea, I'm having a hard time respecting myself right now. I feel I've been a bit of a spineless doormat most of my life, hiding from problems rather than confronting them, saying I'm wrong and I'm sorry even when I'm right just to end an argument. For once I want it to be fairly resolved and now I'm told to just sit down and forget about it.
If I stay with Cass for a long time, how bad is it to be on bad terms with his mom? Cass says he just wants me to be happy, and that I should do what I think is best for me, because he knows his mom will definitely do what's best for her and he can take care of himself either way. I can't say how much I appreciate his support, but I really don't want this to reflect badly on him or put him in an awkward spot. I just don't know what to do, I guess.
Sorry... I didn't expect for that to be so long. This is really the thing that's been first and forefront on my mind recently. It distracts me, upsets me and digs at me because it's not resolved. I don't agree with his mother, and I have to admit I really don't like her company anymore... but I just don't want Cass to be stuck in "my girlfriend and mother hate each other" limbo land forever. If I could just find some way to have a distant truce I'd be happy. I am not going to convert to Catholicism to please her, but I have this feeling that nothing short of me joining a nunery would deem me human in her eyes. I hope I'm wrong.
I've been dating Cass for almost 2 years now. We're happy together, have only argued maybe 5 times, and he's like a best friend in addition to my boyfriend. I can tell him absolutely anything.
I had an idea of the kind of problems I'd run into by choosing a religion so out of the mainstream, but I never expected it to be so bad. I figured that kind of stuff was for the movies, you know? But I've run into it all, it seems. People ask me if I worship Satan, sacrifice children by the full moon, run around naked, the works. At first I tried to be patient, and explain that the brand I practice is closer to tree-loving, environmental Hippie-ism than anything. I celebrate the longest day in the summer and the shortest day in the winter, the harvest, and have a healthy appreciation for the beauty of the earth. I burn candles and meditate, and I pot plants.
Some people accept this fairly well enough, but others just don't seem to get it. It was all really water off my back until an incident that involved Cass' mother.
Cass had been interested in Wicca long before he met me, and once he found out that I was Wiccan he had a lot of questions since he wasn't really a practitioner. I told him all of the above.
His mom found out about it, and at first she seemed okay. She warned us about it (she's Roman Catholic, so obviously she doesn't approve) and even told me that she had been similar to Wiccan in her youth but "something happened" and she converted to Christianity. She wouldn't say what.
Then came the day when their house got broken into. It was awful, but not a surprise to me. They leave all their doors unlocked in spite of many suggestions from friends and neighbors to lock up. One of their birds was killed during the break in, and the first thing Cass' mom did was turn around and blame Cass' and my "dark magic."
According to her, evil spirits broke into her house, trashed everything, and killed the bird. So she proceeded to clean everything, touch all the evidence, and "purify" the house with sage, etc. I just remember her pointing at nothing and shouting "DON'T MESS WITH ME!" to a dark spirit she supposedly saw lurking in her house. She even got her 8-year old son into it and it pained me greatly to see little Colin running around shouting "I purify evil from this house!" They could have been in danger from some sort of live person, but she was so convinced I had cast a spell that went wrong that she never even filed a report with the police. According to her, somehow, (while potting my plants I guess) I magically sent a demon to their house. What??
This was the biggest blow to me as far as prejudice. I never imagined that someone New Age like me could think that someone like Cass' mother was off her rocker for waving burning sage around in her house. I'm spiritual, but if my house gets trashed and one of my pets gets killed I'm calling the police, not waving burning leaves around. It just made no sense to me at all.
I know the reason she does these things is because she's scared and doesn't understand why bad things happen to her. She's said so herself. She claims that Satan is responsible for all wrong in her life, even taking it to the point where she claims that the Devil is in someone if they so much as disagree with something she says. It gives her comfort, I guess, to blame bad things on some large force totally out of her control. I just feel bad that she drags her family into everything with her.
This incident dug at me for a long time. I eventually wrote her a letter, explaining that I had felt very hurt by her accusation, and asking if I could talk to her one on one about our religions. I was curious as to what drove her away from Wicca in her youth and asked in the note if she was comfortable sharing that with me, but that it was fine if she wasn't. I still wanted to talk so we could see eye to eye. She never gave me any indication that she read it and, discouraged, I dropped the subject and she and I continued to be awkwardly nice and polite.
Strangely enough it wasn't that incident that got me "outcasted" you could say, from their house. Maybe 3 months later she was ragging on Cass for a car accident that wasn't his fault (some guy turned into him on the road) claiming that he "wrecked her car." I could tell Cass was getting mad to the breaking point and for whatever reason I felt inclined to speak my mind. I said that we all knew it wasn't Cass' fault that some guy turned into him, and that I knew she was upset about her car, but that it sounded like she was blaming him for something that wasn't his fault and that wasn't really fair. Big, big mistake.
She got in inch away from me, stuck her finger in my face and started fighting with me. I was confused more than anything, so I didn't yell, but just repeated myself in different words to see if that was better. She stormed away and when Cass tried to follow her to talk to her she threw him out of her house. He's been living with me since then.
In the past month Cass has managed to have two or three civil phone talks and is even as I write having dinner at his house. I'm very happy for him, since I'd hate for him to have bad blood in his family. I just personally am still hurt and these feelings of betrayal are keeping me away from his family. She never apologizes for anything, and I highly doubt she'll ever admit that she was totally irrational that day. I highly regret ever speaking my mind with her, but the way she reacted was just so disproportionate to the situation. I never expected that.
I guess what hurts most is that for a while they claimed I was family. They always wanted me to come over and stay over as long as I could. I did their laundry, dishes, random chores, and it was really like being a member of their household. Apparently I was only "family" so long as I smiled, nodded, and kept my mouth shut though. I can count on one hand how many times in my life I've felt this betrayed. I just wish they hadn't said I was famliy if they didn't mean it.
As much as I long to set things right with her and finally get this under the bridge, everyone I know is telling me not to talk to her. She's been spreading word about me behind my back for around 2 months now to anyone who will listen, and of course they turn around and tell me. She's saying that I am not possessed by the Devil, but actually AM the Devil, and that I'll no doubt drive her son to suicide... among other things.
As angry as I was, I can't stay mad for long. This situation just serves to stress me out and depress me these days, and as much as I would dread a talk with her, I kind of want to just figure out where she's coming from, hear her thoughts and share mine. However, I am expressly forbidden by nearly everyone I know to even approach her, because apparently it's "a really really bad idea." Even if it is a bad idea, I'm having a hard time respecting myself right now. I feel I've been a bit of a spineless doormat most of my life, hiding from problems rather than confronting them, saying I'm wrong and I'm sorry even when I'm right just to end an argument. For once I want it to be fairly resolved and now I'm told to just sit down and forget about it.
If I stay with Cass for a long time, how bad is it to be on bad terms with his mom? Cass says he just wants me to be happy, and that I should do what I think is best for me, because he knows his mom will definitely do what's best for her and he can take care of himself either way. I can't say how much I appreciate his support, but I really don't want this to reflect badly on him or put him in an awkward spot. I just don't know what to do, I guess.
Sorry... I didn't expect for that to be so long. This is really the thing that's been first and forefront on my mind recently. It distracts me, upsets me and digs at me because it's not resolved. I don't agree with his mother, and I have to admit I really don't like her company anymore... but I just don't want Cass to be stuck in "my girlfriend and mother hate each other" limbo land forever. If I could just find some way to have a distant truce I'd be happy. I am not going to convert to Catholicism to please her, but I have this feeling that nothing short of me joining a nunery would deem me human in her eyes. I hope I'm wrong.
