Have you ever been tired of life?

[jonny]

Has anyone else been so sick of life that they wanted to stop living? I read a great phrase that describes my feelings today - "envy the dead." Don't get me wrong. I don't want to commit suicide or anything like that. I have no desire to kill myself. I just find myself wishing and praying that I would go to sleep one night and never wake up.

I'm sure that some will wonder what this is all about. I have struggled with anxiety for most of my life and I'm sick of it. It seems like something that I'll never be able to get over and I'm sick of avoiding things in life that give me anxiety. I hate it because I know how irrational it is for me to be anxious about these things, but the anxiety remains. I feel helpless when it comes to dealing with it. I was given Xanax to deal with it, but I hate taking medicine to cover up the problem.

I was wondering if anyone has any tips for me on the best ways to deal with this.

 

[Buttons*]

I felt like that for a long time... but it took a TON of self-examination to find my problem.... I dont know, sometimes we all have felt that way... *hugs* I dont have much good advise I can give you But I would like to know if this gets worse or better within the next couple of days. Keep us updated please!

 

[standing_alone]

Yeah, I've been there plenty of times. Although I am guilty of skipping my medication all the time, I think you should probably still take it. Damn, I'm still trying to find ways to deal with my anxiety, I usually just end up shutting myself in. Unfortunately, the only advice I have - which is advice I got from many people, including my shrink, so don't blame me when it doesn't work - is that you just have to face the things that give you anxiety and put yourself in situations you normally avoid just so you become more comfortable in them. Not the best advice, I know - didn't really work for me at all. Wow, this wasn't helpful at all. I'm sorry for wasting your time.

 

[jonny]

Yeah, I've been there plenty of times. Although I am guilty of skipping my medication all the time, I think you should probably still take it. Damn, I'm still trying to find ways to deal with my anxiety, I usually just end up shutting myself in. Unfortunately, the only advice I have - which is advice I got from many people, including my shrink, so don't blame me when it doesn't work - is that you just have to face the things that give you anxiety and put yourself in situations you normally avoid just so you become more comfortable in them. Not the best advice, I know - didn't really work for me at all. Wow, this wasn't helpful at all. I'm sorry for wasting your time.

I've heard that one before.

I guess I thought I was doing really well and found out I wasn't. I hadn't had a panic attack in forever and then last week at church they did one of those "speakers will be randomly called from the audience" services. One of the members of the bishopric jokingly told me not to get too comfortable and then I noticed that all of the speakers were TBA (To Be Announced) in the program. I got out of there and went home as quick as I could. I was so frustrated that I left because of the anxiety that I literally got into bed and didn't get out for two days except to go to work.

 

[evearael]

Absolutely. Coping with high school was tough before being raped... afterwards, I was a mess. It got to the point where I had the bottle of valium, left over from my back injury, in my hands. I hit bottom. But you know what? I had the realization that there was nowhere to go but up, and I started to get better. I flushed the pills down the toliet and went to school.

It is easy to get so overwhelmed by all the tragedies of life, that you miss out on its beauty. Try to step back and get some perspective on life. I found it helped to cut up a bunch of squares of paper and write down everything bad, then write down twice as many good things. Reframe the bad things into a positive light, and then burn the original bad version.


I have this on my wall. I think it's helpful:

DESIDERATA
Go placidly amid the noise and haste and remember what peace there may be in silence. As far as possible without surrender be on good terms with all persons. Speak your truth quietly and clearly; and listen to others; even the dull and ignorant; they too have their story.
Avoid loud and aggressive persons, they are vexatious to the spirit. If you compare yourself with others, you may become vain and bitter; for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself. Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans.
Keep interested in oyur own career however humble; it is a real posession in the changing fortunes of time. Exercise caution in your business affairs; for the world is full of trickery. But let this not blind you to what virtue there is; many persons strive for high ideals; and everywhere life is full of heroism
Be yourself. Espacially, do not feign affection. Neither be cynical about love; for in the face of all aridity and disenchantment it is perennial as the grass.
Take kindly the counsel of the years, gracefully surrendering the things of youth. Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune. But do not distress yourself with imaginings. Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness. Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself.
You are a child of the universe, no less than the trees and the stars; you have a right to be here. And whether or not it is clear to you, no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should.
Therefore be at peace with God, whatever you conceive Him to be, and whatever your labors and aspirations, in the noisy confusion of life keep peace with your soul
With all its sham, drudgery and broken dreams, it is still a beautiful world. Be cheerful. Strive to be happy

 

[Ori]

I get like that most of the time, but my dog cheers me up.

 

[Feathers in Hair]

Not so much tired of life as much as intimidated by it.

As 'broken record-y' as I must sound, when I'm extra-down it's usually because I've forgotten to take my meds. (Well, that and being in my 'moon time', but I'm hoping you're not having to deal with that!) It always amazes me that even a day missed can have so much impact on my mood and perception of life.

It sounds like you're being treated for anxiety, which can sometimes lead to depression. (Having to deal with any chronic medical problem can cause depression, psychological or not.) While you've noted that you feel uncomfortable taking medication to 'cover up' the problem, perhaps viewing it in another manner might help? For me, I'd be really, really tired of taking my meds if I viewed them as simply masking the problem. I prefer to think of them as unveiling the me that I really am, free of the depression and anxiety.

 

[jonny]

Not so much tired of life as much as intimidated by it.

As 'broken record-y' as I must sound, when I'm extra-down it's usually because I've forgotten to take my meds. (Well, that and being in my 'moon time', but I'm hoping you're not having to deal with that!) It always amazes me that even a day missed can have so much impact on my mood and perception of life.

It sounds like you're being treated for anxiety, which can sometimes lead to depression. (Having to deal with any chronic medical problem can cause depression, psychological or not.) While you've noted that you feel uncomfortable taking medication to 'cover up' the problem, perhaps viewing it in another manner might help? For me, I'd be really, really tired of taking my meds if I viewed them as simply masking the problem. I prefer to think of them as unveiling the me that I really am, free of the depression and anxiety.

That's a good perspective. The medication I'm on is very limited. I only take it a few times a month and its a low dose. Unfortunately, I don't think it gets rid of the anxiety. It seems like it just masks the physical symptoms. It would be great if there was a medicine that could change the way I think. They tried putting me on anti-depressants at first, but after a few days of HELL I stopped taking them and demanded a medication I didn't have to take continually. I didn't like changing how I felt all the time to solve a problem I only have sometimes. Besides, those meds knocked me out. People couldn't figure out why I had suddenly turned into a zombie.

 

[Buttercup]

Do you have friends you can talk to about this stuff jonny? Some guys don't feel comfortable talking to other men about this sort of thing. I think besides medication, talking to someone sympathetic helps.

How's your schedule? Do you have yourself packed to the rafters with stuff to do?

Also, do you get some hefty exercise in...where you get a good sweat going? I find exercise of some sort helps quite a bit also.

 

[Squirt]

Has anyone else been so sick of life that they wanted to stop living? I read a great phrase that describes my feelings today - "envy the dead." Don't get me wrong. I don't want to commit suicide or anything like that. I have no desire to kill myself. I just find myself wishing and praying that I would go to sleep one night and never wake up.

I have totally felt that way on many occasions. A couple of years ago, I found myself in the office of the president of the company. I was absolutely distraught over some lies that had been told about me. I told him that I was to the point where I wished I could just go to bed and not wake up. (Like you, I wasn't suicidal. I just was tired of it all. I didn't feel as if I wanted to go on.) His response was, "You feel that way over this job!!!! I can't believe that. You need help. You need to seek counseling. Mental illness is nothing to be ashamed of." I left his office and he immediately called a shrink. By the time I'd got home, the shrink has called my house twice, in a panic that I was going to end it all.

 

[Runt]

I've never actually wanted to be DEAD, but there have been times when I didn't want to be alive...

 

[standing_alone]

I've never actually wanted to be DEAD, but there have been times when I didn't want to be alive...

Quite the paradox, eh?

 

[Scarlett Wampus]

This might be worth a try if you've not tried something like this kind of exercise before:

When you are anxious and/or frustrated by what has happened or is happening as a result try to imagine yourself as a tree. Your body & mind are like the branches of the tree. Overwhelmed by the force of a storm they're being thrown this way & that, they cannot maintain their composure under such a burden. This is not their fault, they are trying their best. Underneath the ground where the wind cannot reach is the root of the tree, the key to its power which cannot be harmed. To strengthen the branches you must nourish the root. So, when the storm of anxiety comes concentrate on the root deep in the earth, feel its power, feed it, literally be aware of the sensation of the firm ground under your feet, and don't worry about the branches; in time they will grow.

Do this as much as you like whenever you like. Imagine this tree as yourself and nourish the root by pouring your feelings/prayers/thoughts into it. As these go into the root they are transformed and flow back into your body & mind, making you stronger.

 

[Squirt]

I hate it because I know how irrational it is for me to be anxious about these things, but the anxiety remains. I feel helpless when it comes to dealing with it. I was given Xanax to deal with it, but I hate taking medicine to cover up the problem.

I was wondering if anyone has any tips for me on the best ways to deal with this.

Jonny, my tip is to stop looking at anti-depressants as "covering things up." That's not what they do. They adjust a hormonal imbalance; that's all. Would you hesitate to take Lipitor to "cover up" a cholesterol problem or Norvasc to "cover up" a heart problem? There is no difference, believe me. I take Zoloft for depression and my husband (who for years refused to take anti-depressants for the same reason you don't like them) takes it for anxiety. He is a different man than he was two years ago. Mind over matter simply doesn't work when it comes to physical problems that can only be treated like physical problems need to be treated. Don't make excuses; it's not some kind of a sign of weakness to take a pill that will make you feel the way you're supposed to feel.

 

[Krie]

yes, life and abusive fathers... and people that rape. i hate them both

 

[jonny]

Do you have friends you can talk to about this stuff jonny? Some guys don't feel comfortable talking to other men about this sort of thing. I think besides medication, talking to someone sympathetic helps.

How's your schedule? Do you have yourself packed to the rafters with stuff to do?

Also, do you get some hefty exercise in...where you get a good sweat going? I find exercise of some sort helps quite a bit also.

I do have a roommate who I have talked to about it. I'm usually pretty active, happy, and *normal* so he knew something was up when I didn't come out of my room for a few days. I'm so embarassed about some of the things that trigger my panic attacks that there isn't a soul in the world who I would ever tell, but he's understanding of the problem in general.

I realized on Sunday that I had quit exercising regularly and decided I needed to start working that back into my schedule. When I was exercising I had gotten to the point where the panic attacks were almost gone. I was going to go hiking this morning at 5:00, but I slept in.

Now it's snowing. So much for the hike.

 

[jonny]

Jonny, my tip is to stop looking at anti-depressants as "covering things up." That's not what they do. They adjust a hormonal imbalance; that's all. Would you hesitate to take Lipitor to "cover up" a cholesterol problem or Norvasc to "cover up" a heart problem? There is no difference, believe me. I take Zoloft for depression and my husband (who for years refused to take anti-depressants for the same reason you don't like them) takes it for anxiety. He is a different man than he was two years ago. Mind over matter simply doesn't work when it comes to physical problems that can only be treated like physical problems need to be treated. Don't make excuses; it's not some kind of a sign of weakness to take a pill that will make you feel the way you're supposed to feel.

I hate taking the Xanax, but I do it anyway. The only problem with Xanax is that I can't predict when I'm going to need it all the time. I guess I should start carrying one around with me. It would have saved me on Sunday. For some reason I feel like I should be able to change the way I think without taking a pill. It's frustrating that I can't.

 

[Hope]

Like you and someone else said, exercise is a great way to relieve anxiety, jonny. What kinds of exercise do you normally do? Just hiking, or other stuff? I find running and swimming to be the most helpful for me. After I'm done with a good run or swim, my head feels cleared, and I'm very relaxed. It's all those feel-good endorphins flooding your body. Better than most drugs, at least for me. I hope you feel better. You certainly aren't alone in what you're going through.

 

[Shadow Wolf]

I feel like that many times. It's gotten to the point were I'm wondering if I should seek help. But then again, I have real problems causing it, such as all my friends suddenly moving away withing a year, being forced to live with a mom that likes yelling at you for the dumbest things, regret from some bad decisions, and how one injury is making me have to reshape my life. I want to be open, and more social than I am, but years of being picked on all the way from grade school to high school left a mental scar that makes me not trust people, and not say much. I find it odd, I can be on a stage or podeum, and speak in front of a crowd, but talking to a stranger, I can't.

 

[dawny0826]

Jonny,

I've felt this way on so many occasions.

I've suffered from anxiety and mild depression for much of my life and I'm also claustrophobic. It can be really hard dealing with it... I can relate to anyone who has felt numb or lost or disconnected.

When I was carrying my oldest daughter, I almost had a nervous breakdown...a hormonal imbalance coupled with pre-existing anxiety and depression left me feeling broken and miserable. Then...on top of that...the demands of my career...it was overwhelming. I remember driving home from work thinking to myself...that I just wanted to melt away...not that I wanted to die in a literal sense...I just desparately needed relief from the smothering effects of my anxiety.

My quality of life has drastically improved over the years.

I think the hardest thing was admitting to myself that I was struggling with something internal and talking to my doctor about all that I was feeling. At one point, I did REQUIRE medication to function and slowly...as I improved, I was able to be weaned from them. It's comforting though...to know that if I ever felt as bad as I did at that point...that there are medicinal options available. That knowledge alone has really helped me. I don't feel like I'm hopeless anymore.

So, although I know taking meds doesn't always feel ideal...there are many medicines available. I would continue to keep your doctor informed of how you're feeling and how your medication makes you feel. If one drug isn't meeting your expectations...perhaps there's another that will not only give you relief but will be a drug that you're comfortable taking.

Also, please know that you aren't alone.

Faith has carried me through much of what I've experienced. Remember that with Christ, you really CAN do all things and you CAN beat this. I wasn't even a Christian when I went through the worst of my anxiety. And God carried me then.

Exercise is also so good for you. When I don't bellydance or practice yoga...I feel horrible and notice that I'm more anxious than I would be if I had exercised. I don't know how you feel about bellydance )) but yoga is nice because it's relaxing and it's good for your body and it always makes me feel centered. Also, I incorporate prayer with my yoga...so it's good for my spirit as well.

Support is also important. Everyone in my personal life knows that I'm depressive and anxious and if I'm going through a rough bout...my family and friends are here for me. I don't struggle alone. And I don't hide from my anxieties anymore. If I'm having an attack...I let everyone know.

I've also come to terms with my anxiety. If I'm out in public and I have an anxiety attack...I just go with the flow. If I need fresh air...I go get some. If I need to sit down for a couple of minutes and get a coffee or let my husband go on with the kids to the food court, while I lag behind and browse through a less populated area of the mall or wherever we are...that's what we do.

It's a day to day struggle but there IS light at the end of the tunnel, so to speak and it's not abnormal to feel as you're feeling. For those who haven't experienced and anxiety...it can be very overwhelming...physically, mentally and emotionally.

Hang in there. And know that you're not alone.