You sound pretty tired of trying to make sense of it all - with one side telling you one thing, whilst the other is telling you something else.
I would never give advice, but if I told you that I am happy believing in God, I believe that Jesus Christ did live, and at the same time I read the Tarot, dowse - not just for water, but for minerals and illnesses, I practice Reiki (a Japanese form of holistic therapy by the laying on of hands), would that make you feel 'better' ? It's not all black and white, you know - and the choice about what you believe in is YOURS - if other people think you are wrong, that's their problem. I hope that helps.