help please, advice needed desperately

[darkpenguin]

I need some advice, which is one thing i hate asking for as i hate giving advice myself, i just usually give my opinion on things!

For the past few weeks me and my fiance have been arguing over christmas presents, at the moment neither of us are working andhave alot of debts to pay off so my fiance's family have been very understanding and said that they don't expect presents and thats fine.

My mum however has created quite a rift between me and my fiance as she has allready bought us a gift and wants one in return regardless of our money worries and the fact that this is mine and my fiance's first xmas together as last year we spent it with our seperate familys, so it's obvious that we want it to be special together and a gift for my mother could be a gift for one of us or food.

Then last week my mum popped around for a visit and the first thing she did was give us a bag of tobacco and jokingly said that now we can afford a gift for her which didn't go down well with my fiance.


Right now my head is up my backside and i really don't know what to do, i just want to pack up the tree and say bah humbug to xmas right now to be honest!

Help please!

 

[angellous_evangellous]

I need some advice, which is one thing i hate asking for as i hate giving advice myself, i just usually give my opinion on things!

For the past few weeks me and my fiance have been arguing over christmas presents, at the moment neither of us are working andhave alot of debts to pay off so my fiance's family have been very understanding and said that they don't expect presents and thats fine.

My mum however has created quite a rift between me and my fiance as she has allready bought us a gift and wants one in return regardless of our money worries and the fact that this is mine and my fiance's first xmas together as last year we spent it with our seperate familys, so it's obvious that we want it to be special together and a gift for my mother could be a gift for one of us or food.

Then last week my mum popped around for a visit and the first thing she did was give us a bag of tobacco and jokingly said that now we can afford a gift for her which didn't go down well with my fiance.


Right now my head is up my backside and i really don't know what to do, i just want to pack up the tree and say bah humbug to xmas right now to be honest!

Help please!

I'm not sure what to tell you...

But money has been tight around the Angellous house since we've been married. We haven't bought Christmas presents for eachother since we've been married, our money being too tight to buy for everyone else and for ourselves.

We generally get money from family for Christmas, and we buy presents for ourselves after Christmas, so it works out.

One good thing to do is try and make something - like a quilt, scrapbook, or so on. Mrs AE is building a scrapbook of both of my grandparents' lives, and we're presenting it to the family on Christmas day. It didn't save us any money, but it will work out.

The best way to get through the 'season is to practice selflessness.:sad4:

 

[nutshell]

I need some advice, which is one thing i hate asking for as i hate giving advice myself, i just usually give my opinion on things!

For the past few weeks me and my fiance have been arguing over christmas presents, at the moment neither of us are working andhave alot of debts to pay off so my fiance's family have been very understanding and said that they don't expect presents and thats fine.

My mum however has created quite a rift between me and my fiance as she has allready bought us a gift and wants one in return regardless of our money worries and the fact that this is mine and my fiance's first xmas together as last year we spent it with our seperate familys, so it's obvious that we want it to be special together and a gift for my mother could be a gift for one of us or food.

Then last week my mum popped around for a visit and the first thing she did was give us a bag of tobacco and jokingly said that now we can afford a gift for her which didn't go down well with my fiance.


Right now my head is up my backside and i really don't know what to do, i just want to pack up the tree and say bah humbug to xmas right now to be honest!

Help please!

You do everything you must to make the fiance happy and mom comes second, if at all (that will be up to her own actions and behavior).

 

[Buttercup]

You have my sympathies, DP. When you're out of work the last thing you need is pressure to buy gifts.

Are either of you crafty? Look up ideas for such things online.

Does your mom like jewelry? I'd be happy to send her a necklace in your stead. I could get it out today.

 

[darkpenguin]

I'm not sure where i stand on the selfishness thing, i think on a level all 3 of us are being selfish.
We even tried compensating for the fact that we can't afford presents by saying next year we will get everyone bigger birthday presents but to no avail, my mum still wants a present and iv'e still got a headache.
The making something thing could work but i'm kind of stuck for ideas, it's been a good few years since primary school (cough 13 years lol).
My fiance has said that i can buy my mum a gift but she doesn't want her name on it as she doesn't want to lie to her parents about not getting my mum a gift either.

 

[darkpenguin]

You do everything you must to make the fiance happy and mom comes second, if at all (that will be up to her own actions and behavior).

Really? I had an epithany in the bath earlier and was thinking this way!

 

[nutshell]

Really? I had an epithany in the bath earlier and was thinking this way!

Your mom won't like it and will try to make it difficult for you both, but when you're married your wife comes first - ALWAYS. From a Christian perspective, we are to honor our parents, but that doesn't mean giving into their selfish and petty demands.

 

[darkpenguin]

Your mom won't like it and will try to make it difficult for you both, but when you're married your wife comes first - ALWAYS. From a Christian perspective, we are to honor our parents, but that doesn't mean giving into their selfish and petty demands.

I can totaly get where my fiance is coming from and i do think my mum is being very childish about wanting a gift but i somehow feel obliged to give my mum a gift due to the fact that while growing up I never went without despite her being a single parent, somehow i feel i owe here and that it should be within our means to buy her a present,
however i don't want to go against my fiance's principles as she is making a very valid point!

 

[Buttercup]

however i don't want to go against my fiance's principles as she is making a very valid point!

Your fiance can still have her principles, you can agree with her and you can still make something for your mom. I'd not say another word to your fiance and just do it on your own. Your fiance can't fault you for making something for your mother....and if no longer bring up the subject, I suspect it will be fine with her.

 

[darkpenguin]

Your fiance can still have her principles, you can agree with her and you can still make something for your mom. I'd not say another word to your fiance and just do it on your own. Your fiance can't fault you for making something for your mother....and if no longer bring up the subject, I suspect it will be fine with her.

It's going to look a bit strange though if her name isn't on the present and my mum brings it up, to be honest the epithany i had earlier was to give my mum the tobacco back and tell her exactly how i feel because she is being unreasonable, I'd expect this from my 15 yr old sister!

 

[nutshell]

I can totaly get where my fiance is coming from and i do think my mum is being very childish about wanting a gift but i somehow feel obliged to give my mum a gift due to the fact that while growing up I never went without despite her being a single parent, somehow i feel i owe here and that it should be within our means to buy her a present,
however i don't want to go against my fiance's principles as she is making a very valid point!

The best gift you can give your mum: A grandchild.

 

[CDRaider]

I can totaly get where my fiance is coming from and i do think my mum is being very childish about wanting a gift but i somehow feel obliged to give my mum a gift due to the fact that while growing up I never went without despite her being a single parent, somehow i feel i owe here and that it should be within our means to buy her a present,
however i don't want to go against my fiance's principles as she is making a very valid point!

I don't know if this works for your mom but my ex didn't have any money and so what he did was he just wrote a super long letter to her detailing some of the memories of the two of them he had and he thanked her for all she's done and just talked about the trips to the zoos and stuff. might work

 

[FatMan]

I can sympathize. We moved earlier this year, BEFORE our other house sold. Thus, I have a "Summer Home" in Anderson, SC for all of those interested in purchasing it (nudge, nudge, wink, wink).

Anyhoo, we;ve scaled back on this year's Holiday as well.

Do you have anything in the household you can regift? If not, you might want to go to a local jewelry store and find something that is unique looking but not expensive.

Just a couple of ideas.

 

[Buttercup]

I don't know if this works for your mom but my ex didn't have any money and so what he did was he just wrote a super long letter to her detailing some of the memories of the two of them he had and he thanked her for all she's done and just talked about the trips to the zoos and stuff. might work

I think that's a great idea.

Yeah, DP...you can tell her eloquently how much you appreciate all that she did for you while she was a struggling single parent! Mom's are suckers for that sort of thing.

 

[Capt. Haddock]

How about you bake her a cake? or cook something nice?

That's not too expensive.

Or just buy her some really cheap little trinket. It's the thought that counts.

 

[darkpenguin]

The best gift you can give your mum: A grandchild.

Don't even go there lol my fiance would have a field day with that comment!
Why is it women get broody at that time of the month? Jeez the head aches iv'e had lol.

 

[jamaesi]

Instead of getting gifts you can't afford why don't you make gifts if you're good at crafts or just spend time together doing something for little money. Go to a free museum or to a park.

Also, forget your mum, you'll never make her happy. Make sure you and your love are going to have a happy holiday time first. And if you two decide that this year to pack up the tree and forget the material trappings of Christmas, don't feel bad! You'll probably have a happier holiday without all the fuss. If you want to see decorations you can drive or walk around town and see what the neighbours have put up. You can always have a more decorated Christmas when it won't stress you out in the next years.

 

[darkpenguin]

I don't know if this works for your mom but my ex didn't have any money and so what he did was he just wrote a super long letter to her detailing some of the memories of the two of them he had and he thanked her for all she's done and just talked about the trips to the zoos and stuff. might work

I'm liking that idea alot, I'm not sure if it'll work though, is worth a try though i guess!

 

[MaddLlama]

If it comes down to being able to feed yourselves, and buying your mother a Christmas gift, for god's sake go buy some food! If you mother believes that her wants come before your very basic needs, then she doesn't deserve a gift anyway. You can't live without food, and your mother can survive without a cheap christmas gift.

Has she offered to give you money for Christmas, or help you pay some of your bills or for groceries even if it's just a little bit?

 

[CDRaider]

I'm liking that idea alot, I'm not sure if it'll work though, is worth a try though i guess!

I KNOW that wouldnt' work with my mom but I know it would work with my dad... strange huh.

Just go back as early as you can with your memories of her and say what each even you remember made you feel like and how it made you love your mom and stuff like that. Just be heartfelt