help please, advice needed desperately

[Feathers in Hair]

It'll be the same for me this year. (Though I'm lucky in that I have no one clamoring for presents from me.) Have you thought about writing her a poem or something of that nature? You could also draw something- that would be nice!

 

[darkpenguin]

It'll be the same for me this year. (Though I'm lucky in that I have no one clamoring for presents from me.) Have you thought about writing her a poem or something of that nature? You could also draw something- that would be nice!

I could do, although anything i draw might be slightly crappy as i'm really not good with that lol. Iv'e sent her a text message this morning explaining that due to money being really tight and the fact that were getting everybody gifts now due to it not being fair buying for one and not my fiance's parents etc that i'm not sure when it will be over xmas that we will be able to come over. Hopefully that might hammer home the message!

 

[yippityyak]

I could do, although anything i draw might be slightly crappy as i'm really not good with that lol. Iv'e sent her a text message this morning explaining that due to money being really tight and the fact that were getting everybody gifts now due to it not being fair buying for one and not my fiance's parents etc that i'm not sure when it will be over xmas that we will be able to come over. Hopefully that might hammer home the message!

Nice message you sent!
I am sorry to hear about you and your mother. It is the same with me and my mom.

But I like the message you sent her! And it will either cause a big commotion, in which case she will get angry and allow you to voice your opinion on the matter. Or it will go down fine. I.e. she will tell you to forget the gift because she would rather see you.

It is always tough i suppose, but when you become an adult, parents rarely understand what that entails or are not willing to let go of those "mommy" string!

Good luck nonetheless!

 

[darkpenguin]

Update, the message i got back was 'it would have been easier if we had got a tin of biscuits per family and that i should have saved the thouzand pounds i got from a claim for xmas'. in all honesty yes some of that money could have been saved but it was spent resposibly, i wanted an xbox 360 - that money went on rent arears. I wanted a new tattoo - that went on paying my grandma money that ive owed her for a year. the rest went on a second hand pc that was needed as the laptop we had was on its way to dying and i treated myself with an second hand origional xbox which both me and my parner play on.

i told her that next year im thinking of giving up on xmas as i dont see why giving gifts should be important on a date that i don't even believe in and that finding out that the santa we all know and love was mearly a creation of coca cola which really miffed me off!

she replyed that she wished i had thought that way as a kid lol, and that it doesn't have to be about Jesus it's about letting others know that you care etc and that she managed all these years on dss (single parent security benifits).

that last one really miffed me as thats the reason i thought she'd understand!
I would have expected this from my fiance's farely well off family but not from my mum.

Ah well!

 

[darkpenguin]

update 2 - Iv'e told her exactly whats on my mind and the rift it's caused.
Awaiting the fallout!
*runs for cover*

 

[darkpenguin]

Well final update, I'm pretty sure by now your all sick of this thread lol.
My mum fianly got it and understood when i told her everything pretty much and said that even if it's home made cakes etc that it's just about lettig people know you care.

Just want to say a huge thanks to everyone that helped and i'll get round to frubaling you when i'm allowed again.

Thanks - darkpenguin!

 

[cardero]

You had me worried with the title of the thread for a moment. Here is how the Cardero household deals with family and relatives about gifts. If he (meaning me)wants to give gifts to his side of the family, he (that's me) pays for them. If she (mrscardero) wants to give gifts to her side of the family she (mrscardero that is) pays for them. This also works for friends birthday, weddings, barmitzvahs, etc. as well. Her relations, she pays, my relations, I pay. If there is a problem with money, save and/or buy early. If you can fortell there will be a problem around Christmas time concerning gifts make it clear to family and friends early you are not interested in the holidays or exchanging this year. If money is tight, make something (anything) with your own two hands, it will always be appreciated. DON'T FIGHT OR ARGUE OVER MONEY ISSUES WITH LOVED ONES DURING THE HOLIDAYS...it's not worth it.