Help with a Film Script

[Trey of Diamonds]

As some of you may know, I'm an aspiring writer and have been doing film scripts for awhile now. I'm working with a studio on zombie project and I want to have a ritual in it. Now, I would like the ritual to sound authentic but at the same time I don't want to invoke any actual powers. Lord knows I don't need any three fold negative entergy coming my way. To start I have everyone at the four corners facing in instead of out and I don't call guardians specifically. My spell is a rewrite of Kiplings Oak, Ash and Thorn song. I would appreciate any suggestions to ensure this is a benign ritual and/or anything to make it better.


MARIA
Of all the demons that rule the dead,
Old Scratch to adorn,
Greater are none beneath the ground,
Than Orcus and Amon and Baal.

EVERYONE
Call Orcus and Amon and Baal, evil sires
Surely we call of no little thing,
In Orcus and Amon and Baal!

MARIA
Orcus of the underworld slayed many each day,

EVERYONE
Or ever punishment began;

MARIA
Amon the Prince was a son of Scratch,

EVERYONE
When Egypt was young and proud;

MARIA
Baal of the Moabites saw Babylon built

EVERYONE
Destroyed and built again;

MARIA
Witness hereby the ancientry

EVERYONE
Of Orcus and Amon and Baal!
At the edge of the darkness we can see some movement.

MARIA
Zepar that is old in churchyard mold,
He brings love and infertility;
Agares riding on his alligator,
And Beleth listening for your music.

EVERYONE
But when ye have killed, and your blood is spilled,
Your soul unclean and worn,
Back ye must speed for all that ye need,
To Orcus and Amon and Baal!

MARIA
Lilith she hates mankind, and waits
Till every lust be sated,
To drop a tomb on the head of him
That anyway trusts her words:
But whether a lad be sober or sad,
Or mellow with ale from the horn,

EVERYONE
He'll take no wrong when he lieth along
'Neath Orcus and Amon and Baal!

MARIA
Oh, do not tell the Priest our plight,

EVERYONE
Or he would call it a sin;

MARIA
But we have been out in the woods all night,

EVERYONE
A-conjuring the undead in!

MARIA
And we bring you news by word of mouth,

EVERYONE
Evil news for woman and child

MARIA
Now is the Dead come up from the Grave,

EVERYONE
With Orcus and Amon and Baal!

MARIA
Call Orcus and Amon and Baal, evil sires
The world shall die with Judgement nigh,

EVERYONE
By Orcus and Amon and Baal!

 

[Antiochian]

It's well-written and catchy. But I don't really have any experience with those deities, so I'm afraid I won't be a good source of feedback. :sorry1:

 

[Trey of Diamonds]

It's well-written and catchy. But I don't really have any experience with those deities, so I'm afraid I won't be a good source of feedback. :sorry1:

I wouldn't call them deities, well, I guess Baal was. Mostly they are considered Christian demons.

While I'm not a practicing pagan I have lots of respect for the religion and have participated in several ceremonies. I believe I have changed things up enough not to invoke any negative energy and that was my main concern.

Thanks for the feedback.

 

[Infinitum]

The problem (which actually isn't a problem from my perspective ) is that it's not that much how you call, but who you call. I doubt anyone in the film crew is going to possessed or anything (although, what a view that would be!), but it's very likely going to evoke strong feelings in the ones who take this kind of stuff a bit more seriously.

The intent is of course the most impotant part. I wouldn't worry too much about it, just enjoy your time. I'm not usually a big fan of prescribed spells, but I love your ritual. Maybe I should try it out for fun sometime :angel2:

 

[Trey of Diamonds]

The problem (which actually isn't a problem from my perspective ) is that it's not that much how you call, but who you call. I doubt anyone in the film crew is going to possessed or anything (although, what a view that would be!), but it's very likely going to evoke strong feelings in the ones who take this kind of stuff a bit more seriously.

The intent is of course the most impotant part. I wouldn't worry too much about it, just enjoy your time. I'm not usually a big fan of prescribed spells, but I love your ritual. Maybe I should try it out for fun sometime :angel2:

Thanks, did you check out the original?

Internet Book of Shadows: A Tree Song (Kipling)

I love Kipling and I understand these words are often used in Wiccan rituals.

 

[Infinitum]

Thanks, did you check out the original?

Internet Book of Shadows: A Tree Song (Kipling)

I love Kipling and I understand these words are often used in Wiccan rituals.

I tried to look for it, but didn't find it with my lazy googling. Thanks for linking it. You've changed the original quite a lot, but kept the old formula really well (old Finnish magic was almost completely based on the idea that you could control something if you knew where it originated from). I like your version way more, but that's just me

 

[Sylvan]

Don't mean to hate but.. "Witness hereby the ancientry"? That a horrible line, and doesn't really make any grammatical sense. I don't think you will accidentally summon anything with this, but I just had to point that one out. There are a lot of things I could say about this ritual, but that just has to go.

 

[Trey of Diamonds]

Don't mean to hate but.. "Witness hereby the ancientry"? That a horrible line, and doesn't really make any grammatical sense. I don't think you will accidentally summon anything with this, but I just had to point that one out. There are a lot of things I could say about this ritual, but that just has to go.

It was good enough for Kipling. :sarcastic

 

[Trey of Diamonds]

Well the studio bought the script, along with a couple others of mine as well. So far they only have one person cast for this one but you can see who's going to play Maria here.

Project Z: s01ep03 – Legend of the Zombie Queen | Savage Light Studios

I'll let you know when its on YouTube.

Thanks everyone for your comments on the ritual.

 

[Infinitum]

Congratulations!

 

[Freedomelf]

Every survivor has a personal theory as to why the dead walk. Maria, a practitioner of modern Voodoo, believes that magic is both the impetus and the remedy. Will Maria’s magic be enough to control (or at the least, turn) the walking dead?

I like your summary; it's interesting and draws readers in, but as an editor, I couldn't help but tweak it. It's funny how editors hate to see passive voice, a missed comma or a misspelled word. I would have changed the last sentence, but I didn't want to go overboard.

Overall, I like it, your premise and your original post.

 

[Jacksnyte]

Well, I am trying to figure out what the connection is between Wicca and Zombies. You would do better researching forms of necromancy.

 

[Trey of Diamonds]

Ok folks, if you want to see the how it turned out, the ritual is in Episode 2.

Watch projectz episodes on Blip

The director was going for a 1950's horror film feel and I think the final product is pretty good. I thought the kids doing the ritual did a great job too.

Enjoy