Help with Friend/Religion

[Vasilisa Jade]

I figured this could possibly lead to debate, so I stuck this here instead of in Discussions...

My bestest best friend and I grew up as neighbors, we are like sisters. Her entire family is hardcore LDS. They are cool, but still hardcore. They are by no means conservative or perfect, but still...
I converted to LDS when I was 11. My best friend moved away when I was 14, and I became inactive when I was 15. She became inactive around 17, but now that she is 24 she is full blown active agian... which is great.
Here is the problem: I have made the decision to follow pagan paths. I wouldn't necessarily completely denounce christianity, but then agian I don't completely denounce any religion.

I figured that eventually we would get on the subject and I would explain it to her. No biggie.

Well... I was talking to her not too horribly long ago and she was all up in a tizzy telling me about her work day. At some point she says, "And this guy... this morning he said he was christian. Then this afternoon when we were talking about {whatever} he said he believes that the Big Bang happened! We got in this huge argument because... You can't be a christian AND believe in the Big Bang!.... Blah Blah Blah." She went on and on forever just flaming. I just kept my mouth shut. I was so disappointed.

That's the thing I think. She didn't used to be like that. I am just so disappointed in her sheer lack of open-mindedness and tolerance. And argueing with that girl is a pain in the ***. I can hold my own but jeeeeezz... It's not that I am trying to avoid conflict. I can handle it. The thing I am having trouble with is just, when it comes up agian and she asks about when I am going to go back to church or whatever... how to break it to her gently. How to manage my attitude. How to keep from hurting her feelings or testimony in the process of argueing with her.

I am kind of worried that she will disown me. lol. She might not talk to me for a good month or so... What do I do if she starts crying?

What do you guys think?

 

[Father Heathen]

If she would disown you for your beliefs then she's not worth having as a friend anyway.

Invite her to RF. We'll set her strait.

 

[Vasilisa Jade]

I DID!! Daggnabbit I tried. Maybe I'll try agian. Let her get out of her shell and learn a few things before I break it to her...

 

[Buttercup]

Oh dear. This will be tricky. Oftentimes when people return to religion they do so with a zealousness and dogmatism that's hard to counter.

I have to ask first....how often to you see her?

 

[Willamena]

The thing I am having trouble with is just, when it comes up agian and she asks about when I am going to go back to church or whatever... how to break it to her gently. How to manage my attitude. How to keep from hurting her feelings or testimony in the process of argueing with her.

I am kind of worried that she will disown me. lol. She might not talk to me for a good month or so... What do I do if she starts crying?

What do you guys think?

Don't "manage" your attitude. You are who you are just as she is who she is. The only feelings you might hurt are those that suggest to her that she's better for being what she is than you. And those aren't worth managing.

I can't suggest you do a particular thing, but whatever you do, if you believe in it it will not be incorrect.

 

[HoldemDB9]

If she would disown you for your beliefs then she's not worth having as a friend anyway.

Invite her to RF. We'll set her strait.

This. If I were you I would just straight up tell her, no more secrets. Give her time to think/react and if she is a friend worth having, her reaction wont be too bad and neither will your relationship with her. Once you tell her, its not up to you any more.

Its does sadly sound to me as if she may have lost it though. If that's the case, I would be the one doing the disowning.

Just my opinion.

 

[Vasilisa Jade]

Oh dear. This will be tricky. Oftentimes when people return to religion they do so with a zealousness and dogmatism that's hard to counter.

I have to ask first....how often to you see her?

She lives about 3 hours away from me. I see her about every 3-6 months. We still travel to hang out. But mostly we just chat on the phone.

 

[Buttercup]

She lives about 3 hours away from me. I see her about every 3-6 months. We still travel to hang out. But mostly we just chat on the phone.

This is just my thought so take it with a grain of salt, but you did ask. ......I'd make a pact with her straight out that you are going to remain friends no matter what but that you should both probably refrain from talking about your religious opinions for now. Of course all this depends on how much you care about her.

I have several friends I've know for 30 years or more. At some point or another on the path of life a friend's route may change direction from yours in one way or another. This doesn't mean an end to friendship, especially if you love this person. It simply means tolerance and a resolve to continue on as friends may take more work.

You two simply aren't going to agree on religious issues now, if ever. I'd bring it out in the open that you agree to not talk about it for now. If at some point you feel as though you can carry on a religious conversation without it affecting your relationship, have at it. If it seems that her words get a little to crazy fundie on you, take a break from her.

 

[StripperClown]

Time to let your friend come around to you. You can find better friends.

 

[Sleepr]

Don't "manage" your attitude. You are who you are just as she is who she is. The only feelings you might hurt are those that suggest to her that she's better for being what she is than you. And those aren't worth managing.

I can't suggest you do a particular thing, but whatever you do, if you believe in it it will not be incorrect.

+1 For what it's worth... "To thine own self be true." Good luck working it out.

 

[Vasilisa Jade]

Thanks guys. Ya'll are awesome. I think I am going to try to get her to come here agian.

Until then, we are not talking about it.

Yay.

P.S. I can't just dump her. Can you just dump a sister? No...

 

[ChristineES]

It is hard to want to be friends with people and to have them behave in such a way. Instead of ending the friendship right away- you could tell your friend that it would be better if she and you were to not discuss anything religious. If she disowns you over it, then what kind of friend was she in the first place?
She may lighten up as time goes by. I have found that when people find or renew religion, they become real gung-ho about it for awhile. It seldom lasts long.
The best thing to do, however, would be for your to explain to her what is going on. You may find that she will accept that but even if she doesn't you will at least have the conflict part over.
Good luck.

 

[Vasilisa Jade]

You know what's funny? Last night when we were talking she asked me, "Hey, do you still go to that religious online place you were telling me about?"

I was like, "Yeah and you better hurry up and go there. It will make it easier for us to keep in touch and chat, since I am always there..."

Mwahaha. I hope it worked.

 

[Buttercup]

You know what's funny? Last night when we were talking she asked me, "Hey, do you still go to that religious online place you were telling me about?"

I was like, "Yeah and you better hurry up and go there. It will make it easier for us to keep in touch and chat, since I am always there..."

Mwahaha. I hope it worked.

If she shows up, be sure to tell her to start an intro thread so we can pester the hell outta her.

 

[ayani]

you've got to be honest with her about your faith... if you faith is important to you, and if her knowing what is important to you is important to you, let her know.

many people, once they change faiths, may cut old ties / friendships. the reasons may be ethical or spiritual, or both. i've done the same, but not after learning about a person's faith after the fact. people absolutely should be appreciated for who they are within a relationship, and if her discussion is making you uncomfortable, i think it'd be good to let her know you guys aren't on the same page. if she chooes to break ties based on that, well... it's her choice and her loss.

 

[ayani]

You know what's funny? Last night when we were talking she asked me, "Hey, do you still go to that religious online place you were telling me about?"

I was like, "Yeah and you better hurry up and go there. It will make it easier for us to keep in touch and chat, since I am always there..."

Mwahaha. I hope it worked.

God works in mysterious ways, no? that is uncanny.

 

[rockondon]

I would ask her if being intolerant of those who believe differently makes her a better Christian. Jesus could accept others, a pity if she can't.

We got in this huge argument because... You can't be a christian AND believe in the Big Bang!.... Blah Blah Blah." She went on and on forever just flaming.

I would ask her if she respects God and appreciates His creation.
Then ask her what efforts she has made to understand His creation. The more we learn about this beautiful world that we have been given and this wondrous universe the more we can understand and appreciate the glory of the One who created it. (I'm speaking hypothetically here, I'm actually a weak atheist).

Or she can keep on the same path she is on now - no idea how anything works and just say goddidit all the time. Is it unchristian to learn about God's creation? Perhaps she believes God wants her to be ignorant and tell lies about His creation? Is that the kind of Christian He would want her to be?

Your friend sounds like a biblical literalist. The bible is poetic and metaphorical - literal interpretations result in absurdities, lies, and contradictions whereas as a more symbolic interpretation allows you to see the meaning behind the words, teaches you lessons, and increases understanding. I'd be happy to list off some contradictions if you like.