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How can I be more confident about my body image??

MysticSang'ha

Big Squishy Hugger
Premium Member
Noirhaired said:
Actually there IS a cookie-cutter image. I haven't met a single man out there who has said that he doesn't like a woman with a flat stomach, non-cellulite butts, perky boobs, and weights below 135 pounds. Even my bf has expressed that if had to make a choice between a flat stomach and big boobs, he'd choose the flat stomach.



Then you've been hanging around the wrong men, sweetie. :flower: :hug:



I have only one of those qualities of the "cookie-cutter" image with my weight, and yet I'm told many times how beautiful I am by others. My husband is told a lot how a lucky guy he is............and believe me, the minute I pop my bra off it's SAG CITY!


My husband doesn't seem to care. He always tells me that a woman's confidence is her sexiest attribute.



And it's not like women are completely innocent of portraying what is the ideal "cookie-cutter" man's image, either. There are plenty of men who worry that the only thing we think is handsome is the chiseled pecs, the washboard abs, and the "guns" to show off on their arms. And it doesn't hurt to be young, rich, and to be driving a nice car.



I've been attracted to men who, in many circles, would be considered obese, yet they exuded a quiet confidence about them and they had an incredible sense of humor. My own husband certainly doesn't have that "cookie-cutter" male image (he brings up his receding hairline to make this point most often), but I think he's the sexiest man alive because of the man he is in his entirety.



Try this: as cliche as it sounds, start to really appreciate the kind of woman you are inside AND out. For example: Do you like your smile? Do you enjoy the arts? What are your dreams? Do you possess a keen wit? Do you like your feet and how they look in heels? Start small and continue to rediscover yourself for the beauty that you are.



Then, when you know what you got, flaunt it! :)



Peace,
Mystic
 

MysticSang'ha

Big Squishy Hugger
Premium Member
Djamila said:
You seem confident in your choices already, so I'm not really sure what I could suggest that hasn't already caught your attention.



Oh, Mila, I'm always open to suggestions.........and I would really trust an expert like yourself. :flower2:



Djamila said:
I suppose for short women the best rule is to not wear jeans with a big flare at the bottom. They make your thighs look much larger and your calves look very small, especially if you get them cut to fit your height. A more straight leg jean is much better because it evens out your upper and lower leg, instead of being 70% thigh and 30% calf.


I think that's the best advice out there for anyone under 5'4". As much as I really love my height, I know that if I accentuate it, that's all anyone will really notice. :p So, I can accept others noticing how small I am without drawing even more attention to it. They can notice other parts of me, like my eyes. *bats eyelashes*



Djamila said:
Also, for shorter women, 3/4-length sleeves will make you appear taller. If you're wearing long sleeves, push them up - it will help.

Dresses, you should go at the knee or just below the knee - also because they stretch you out. Never go too tight or too loose. It should be snug around your hips, and then gentle slope more or less straight down to be a little loose around your knees.


Hmmmm, OK. I see what you're saying about the length. My calves are one of my best features, anyway, so I like your suggestions for dresses. *thinks when would be a good time to go shopping*



Djamila said:
Also I notice that North American women seem much more afraid of enhancements than European women, it kind of carries perhaps a social stigma in America?

But you can be 24 and wear squish-it-in granny panties and tummy-clencher waist bands. You can put chicken cutlet-style enhancements into your bra if you need it. What goes on under your clothes is your business and your man's business only.



Bingo! You hit the nail on the head, Mila. It carries a VERY harsh social stigma here in the States. School girls can be really cruel here when starting rumors of other girls concerning who "stuffs their bras" and who doesn't. The idea is also that any kind of underthings a woman has on should be more fashionable and frilly than enhancing and practical.



But, hopefully that will change. I'm seeing more and more of the "enhancements" found in the underwear section of stores and boutiques than before. My cleavage bras came with bra pads that are removable, and when I have them in, it's KAPOW! LOOK AT THOSE BOOBS!!


I take out the bra pads when I don't want my boobs up near my chin.



Thank you, my dear! :hug:



Peace,
Mystic
 
Djamila said:
Also I notice that North American women seem much more afraid of enhancements than European women, it kind of carries perhaps a social stigma in America?

But you can be 24 and wear squish-it-in granny panties and tummy-clencher waist bands. You can put chicken cutlet-style enhancements into your bra if you need it. What goes on under your clothes is your business and your man's business only.

The reason why it carries a stigma is because your body isn't real. I know that I've tried waist cinchers, push-it-in panties and even that california beauty slim n'lift and I was never happy with the way I looked because I knew that in reality, it was not real.

I mean think about it: How odd would it look when you suddenly run into someone at the pool or the beach who you weren't expecting and they had seen you all the time wearing waist cinchers and full body shapers? Not only are you going to wonder why they're staring, but they are going to wonder why you have bulges in places they don't recall.

I just hate it when I look at other girls and wonder why I'm so chunky. I mean, I'm only around 5'5" and I weigh more than 130. My sister is 5'9" and weighs 120 pounds! And she doesn't look anorexic either. According to doctor's charts, I'm supposed to be 125 pounds and I'm far from it. I just hate it. I don't think I'll ever be happy with my body unless I'm really thin.
 

MysticSang'ha

Big Squishy Hugger
Premium Member
Noirhaired said:
The reason why it carries a stigma is because your body isn't real. I know that I've tried waist cinchers, push-it-in panties and even that california beauty slim n'lift and I was never happy with the way I looked because I knew that in reality, it was not real.

I mean think about it: How odd would it look when you suddenly run into someone at the pool or the beach who you weren't expecting and they had seen you all the time wearing waist cinchers and full body shapers? Not only are you going to wonder why they're staring, but they are going to wonder why you have bulges in places they don't recall.

I just hate it when I look at other girls and wonder why I'm so chunky. I mean, I'm only around 5'5" and I weigh more than 130. My sister is 5'9" and weighs 120 pounds! And she doesn't look anorexic either. According to doctor's charts, I'm supposed to be 125 pounds and I'm far from it. I just hate it. I don't think I'll ever be happy with my body unless I'm really thin.



I sincerely hope you really don't mean that last statement, because such attitudes toward oneself tends to be precursors to eating disorders. And once anyone begins on the track to obsessively counting calories, working out far too much to lose calories in bulk, and/or throwing up and/or using laxatives to lose weight............it's extremely difficult to get off that track.



I should know. I'm a survivor. My lowest weight before I was taken to the hospital was 80 pounds.



I'd be a liar if I'd said that I always feel confident in my body image 24/7...........I do have my moments, and in those moments I feel a tiny urge to "fast" a couple of days without food (notice my quotes since simply not eating isn't an authentic fast) in order to cinch my waist in..............that's when it's important for me to wake up and to find something about myself that's attractive and to laugh at things I can't change.



BTW, I don't fast anymore for religious reasons because I know what my tendencies are with my compulsion to abuse the practice. Not eating brings a certain "high", and I didn't want to come down off of it. When I would fast after seriously starting to practice yoga, my family would understandably freak out. I can't do that to them anymore.



Noirhaired, if it helps, I hope you can listen to someone who honestly felt that the only way to "make it" in this world is to be thin. I had different motivations - it wasn't to attract anyone, but to avoid being cut from dance auditions because of how I looked in a leotard - but I had the same lamentations.




I don't mean to lecture you, but your post honestly scared me. I don't want you to even think about going down the same road I did. I almost killed myself. I almost messed up my reproductive cycle, and I probably could have never conceived children. I lost some of my hair and my nails because of my actions. None of that is worth it. And it all starts with a burning desire to be thin.



You're worth much more than your perspective is showing you right now. You're already beautiful..............you just have to stop hiding your beauty from yourself and everyone else. :flower:




Peace,
Mystic
 

Radio Frequency X

World Leader Pretend
Noirhaired said:
Actually there IS a cookie-cutter image. I haven't met a single man out there who has said that he doesn't like a woman with a flat stomach, non-cellulite butts, perky boobs, and weights below 135 pounds. Even my bf has expressed that if had to make a choice between a flat stomach and big boobs, he'd choose the flat stomach.

This is true and there is nothing wrong with this. Women are the same way with men and it is just as hard for us. Women tend to prefer broad shoulders to thin ones. No matter how hard I work out, I'll never have broad shoulders.
 
MysticSang'ha said:
I sincerely hope you really don't mean that last statement, because such attitudes toward oneself tends to be precursors to eating disorders. And once anyone begins on the track to obsessively counting calories, working out far too much to lose calories in bulk, and/or throwing up and/or using laxatives to lose weight............it's extremely difficult to get off that track.

Thank you for the kind words Mystic, but I did mean that last comment. I've been made fun of by my family for my entire life about having this same stomach and arm fat on me and I'm just sick of it. I know that if I had not moved and adjusted to a more sedentary lifestyle, I probably would be very thin. I used to live in NYC where we walked all the time and moved all the time, didn't really use the car. Next thing I know, I'm hitting puberty at age 10 and gaining more weight than a whale because I'm sitting around and having to use transportation all the time in the Midwest. It was horrible. I did not appreciate the weight gain and really wish that I had been in a sport as a child.

I do count calories, yes to make sure that I don't overeat. I do work out 4-5 times a week and when I do feel that I've overeaten one day, I'll workout extra the next day to "cancel" it out. I have tried very hard to lose the weight that I have. Unless I get down to 120-125 and have almost no belly fat, I won't be happy.

Radio Frequency X said:
This is true and there is nothing wrong with this. Women are the same way with men and it is just as hard for us. Women tend to prefer broad shoulders to thin ones. No matter how hard I work out, I'll never have broad shoulders.

I see what you are saying but you need to also realize the pressure that women feel is much greater than what men encounter.
 

Mavrikmind

Active Member
I think attitude is everything. Personally I'm attracted to confidence. I know the problem is you don't have confidence in your body. My idea is this! Work on projecting confidence. Even though you don't have any in yourself, still try and project an aura around yourself in everything you do. Even in the shower. After a while it'll become second nature and people will see that.
For a long time I had a confidence problem and had no reason for it, I was just a meek person. Finally I just got tired of being taken advantage of and begane to practice having an aura of Confidence. Posture does wonders. Allways keep your back straight, chin up and shoulders back. Just a change in posture will give you some "Attitude"
 

jonny

Well-Known Member
The first thing I thought of when I read your post was a talk I heard by Jeffrey R. Holland. I don't know your religious background, but perhaps there is something in this that might help you:

In this same vein may I address an even more sensitive subject. I plead with you young women to please be more accepting of yourselves, including your body shape and style, with a little less longing to look like someone else. We are all different. Some are tall, and some are short. Some are round, and some are thin. And almost everyone at some time or other wants to be something they are not! But as one adviser to teenage girls said: "You can't live your life worrying that the world is staring at you. When you let people's opinions make you self-conscious you give away your power. . . . The key to feeling [confident] is to always listen to your inner self—[the real you.]" And in the kingdom of God, the real you is "more precious than rubies." Every young woman is a child of destiny and every adult woman a powerful force for good. I mention adult women because, sisters, you are our greatest examples and resource for these young women. And if you are obsessing over being a size 2, you won't be very surprised when your daughter or the Mia Maid in your class does the same and makes herself physically ill trying to accomplish it. We should all be as fit as we can be—that's good Word of Wisdom doctrine. That means eating right and exercising and helping our bodies function at their optimum strength. We could probably all do better in that regard. But I speak here of optimum health; there is no universal optimum size.


Frankly, the world has been brutal with you in this regard. You are bombarded in movies, television, fashion magazines, and advertisements with the message that looks are everything! The pitch is, "If your looks are good enough, your life will be glamorous and you will be happy and popular." That kind of pressure is immense in the teenage years, to say nothing of later womanhood. In too many cases too much is being done to the human body to meet just such a fictional (to say nothing of superficial) standard. As one Hollywood actress is reported to have said recently: "We’ve become obsessed with beauty and the fountain of youth. . . . I’m really saddened by the way women mutilate [themselves] in search of that. I see women [including young women] . . . pulling this up and tucking that back. It’s like a slippery slope. [You can't get off of it.] . . . It’s really insane . . . what society is doing to women."


In terms of preoccupation with self and a fixation on the physical, this is more than social insanity; it is spiritually destructive, and it accounts for much of the unhappiness women, including young women, face in the modern world. And if adults are preoccupied with appearance—tucking and nipping and implanting and remodeling everything that can be remodeled—those pressures and anxieties will certainly seep through to children. At some point the problem becomes what the Book of Mormon called "vain imaginations." And in secular society both vanity and imagination run wild. One would truly need a great and spacious makeup kit to compete with beauty as portrayed in media all around us. Yet at the end of the day there would still be those "in the attitude of mocking and pointing their fingers" as Lehi saw, because however much one tries in the world of glamour and fashion, it will never be glamorous enough.


A woman not of our faith once wrote something to the effect that in her years of working with beautiful women she had seen several things they all had in common, and not one of them had anything to do with sizes and shapes. She said the loveliest women she had known had a glow of health, a warm personality, a love of learning, stability of character, and integrity. If we may add the sweet and gentle Spirit of the Lord carried by such a woman, then this describes the loveliness of women in any age or time, every element of which is emphasized in and attainable through the blessings of the gospel of Jesus Christ.
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