How Can I tell My Father I'm Gay?

[Hypnotik]

Hello all. I am a 22 year old Irish Catholic from the midwest, and as you derived from the title, I'm gay. I have told my mother and she is fine with it. She was a little distant at first, but understands that everyone is different. I still have yet to tell my father, it's been 6 months. I hear the way he speaks about homosexuals and I'm truly afraid he won't love me any more. My father comes from the old school, if you will, and is very intolerant to homosexuals, and other races. I'm just afraid he won't understand. If he disagrees with my choice he will more than likely cut of my college funding, and I will be lost at sea, so to say.

My question to you is, how can i break this barrier?

 

[Jeremiah]

Hello all. I am a 22 year old Irish Catholic from the midwest, and as you derived from the title, I'm gay. I have told my mother and she is fine with it. She was a little distant at first, but understands that everyone is different. I still have yet to tell my father, it's been 6 months. I hear the way he speaks about homosexuals and I'm truly afraid he won't love me any more. My father comes from the old school, if you will, and is very intolerant to homosexuals, and other races. I'm just afraid he won't understand. If he disagrees with my choice he will more than likely cut of my college funding, and I will be lost at sea, so to say.

My question to you is, how can i break this barrier?

Have you tried asking your mother what her thoughts are on this?

 

[tomspug]

What's more important, your identity or your survival? If you had to choose, I mean... There's still the possibility that he will accept you as you are. Focus on his love for you, if you believe that he loves you. If he understands that your faith in him is based on his acceptance of you, than he will be reluctant to reject you, if that means that you, his son, would lose respect and faith in your father.

 

[SERVANTOFSET]

I'd advise you to wait until you're financially independent. Try and finish college so that that issue is out of the way. May I ask why you want to tell him?

 

[whereismynotecard]

Oh my gosh. That sounds a lot like my dad, only he hates me even though I am not gay, and am the same race as he is... I don't care what my father thinks, and argue with him all the time, but he isn't paying for my college, so I'd say that you should tell him after he has paid for your college, and if he doesn't like you after you tell him, then he isn't a very good person, and you don't need someone like that in your life anyway.

Good luck with it. I hope everything works out.

 

[Smoke]

If I thought there was any possibility he might cut off funding, I'd finish college first.

Talk it over with your mother, and see what she thinks.

 

[Inky]

As much as I don't like to tell somebody to not come out if they want to...finish college first, like the other folks have said.

 

[Valjean]

So don't tell him. What business is it of his, anyway?

 

[angellous_evangellous]

Have your significant other come to the house with a nice 12 year old scotch.

 

[doppelganger]

Have your significant other come to the house with a nice 12 year old scotch.

And a box of Cubans.

 

[Smoke]

Have your significant other come to the house with a nice 12 year old scotch.

That's how you tell Angellous you're gay.

And a box of Cubans.

Dopp is back!

: hamster :: hamster :: hamster :: hamster :: hamster :: hamster :: hamster :

 

[happ]

Don't hide from yourself as the saying goes "be true to yourself." Denying who you are for financial gain is unhealthy for you and your father. He may think that you used him for college costs rather than being a son/daughter who stands up for self-dignity. Respect your father enough to be truthful with him. If he reacts by cutting you off then that is his loss that he will need to live with for the rest of his life.

 

[Sunstone]

Hello all. I am a 22 year old Irish Catholic from the midwest, and as you derived from the title, I'm gay. I have told my mother and she is fine with it. She was a little distant at first, but understands that everyone is different. I still have yet to tell my father, it's been 6 months. I hear the way he speaks about homosexuals and I'm truly afraid he won't love me any more. My father comes from the old school, if you will, and is very intolerant to homosexuals, and other races. I'm just afraid he won't understand. If he disagrees with my choice he will more than likely cut of my college funding, and I will be lost at sea, so to say.

My question to you is, how can i break this barrier?

Don't risk it until you graduate.

 

[kadzbiz]

I'd advise you to wait until you're financially independent. Try and finish college so that that issue is out of the way. May I ask why you want to tell him?

If I thought there was any possibility he might cut off funding, I'd finish college first. Talk it over with your mother, and see what she thinks.

As much as I don't like to tell somebody to not come out if they want to...finish college first, like the other folks have said.

Don't risk it until you graduate.

I can't believe that people are suggesting that you deny the truth to gain financially. If your father loves you, he'll not cut you off. If he doesn't love you, what do you care for his money? Remember - gay pride lives.

 

[whereismynotecard]

I can't believe that people are suggesting that you deny the truth to gain financially. If your father loves you, he'll not cut you off. If he doesn't love you, what do you care for his money?

His money is just as good as any money... I'd take money from my father, and I don't really like him very much... We just pretend to get along until I have enough money and education to get a real job, and get my own house... We can "get along" pretty well a lot of the times, but I cannot forgive and forget everything... There are certain things that will never be forgiven. But... yeah... I'd take that jerk's money. If he was willing to give it to me, I'd accept it.

 

[kadzbiz]

His money is just as good as any money... I'd take money from my father, and I don't really like him very much... We just pretend to get along until I have enough money and education to get a real job, and get my own house... We can "get along" pretty well a lot of the times, but I cannot forgive and forget everything... There are certain things that will never be forgiven. But... yeah... I'd take that jerk's money. If he was willing to give it to me, I'd accept it.

If you can live with yourself for doing that, more power to you. Because I can think of so many analogous situations, I just can't be so hypocritical - sorry.

 

[cardero]

Hello all. I am a 22 year old Irish Catholic from the midwest, and as you derived from the title, I'm gay. I have told my mother and she is fine with it. She was a little distant at first, but understands that everyone is different. I still have yet to tell my father, it's been 6 months. I hear the way he speaks about homosexuals and I'm truly afraid he won't love me any more. My father comes from the old school, if you will, and is very intolerant to homosexuals, and other races. I'm just afraid he won't understand. If he disagrees with my choice he will more than likely cut of my college funding, and I will be lost at sea, so to say.

My question to you is, how can i break this barrier?

Just tell him. If your father still has questions about it, offer to support his education that there is nothing wrong about being homosexual.

 

[Mike182]

Don't hide from yourself as the saying goes "be true to yourself." Denying who you are for financial gain is unhealthy for you and your father. He may think that you used him for college costs rather than being a son/daughter who stands up for self-dignity. Respect your father enough to be truthful with him. If he reacts by cutting you off then that is his loss that he will need to live with for the rest of his life.

i came out to my dad before i applied to university, the college i was at for my A-Levels was free. i could easily have hidden it, but he was trusting me and going to be supporting me financially while i'm at uni so i was honest with him and told him.

although i got a rather negative reaction from my family, my parents certainly didn't cut any support from me because i'm gay. i was about 95% sure though that that would be their reaction, so it didn't matter to me since i was moving away from home shortly after anyway to go to uni

if people are giving you that much support, i wouldn't want to give them reason to not trust me - and lying about something as important about you as that would be a reason to mistrust you, and then you have the fun consequences that come from the people who support you not trusting you.

 

[meogi]

I wouldn't worry about telling him too much. Get your Mom to help, but I agree in asking her for her opinion on the matter.

If your Dad is an intolerant bigot (no offence) who can't accept something as trivial as sexual preference, then he's not fit to be a parent, imo. Also, if he still refuses to help you, you can apply independently for financial aid (don't let your parents claim you as a dependent on their taxes), and they won't get the sweet, sweet write offs that you give them now. Him cutting you off isn't a very profitable venture for either party!

 

[trinity2359]

If you can live with yourself for doing that, more power to you. Because I can think of so many analogous situations, I just can't be so hypocritical - sorry.

It's called 'greed'.