How Can I tell My Father I'm Gay?

[trinity2359]

To the OP - Why the rush to tell him? Don't use him for his money, though. But seriously, how often does the topic of your dating life come up? Especially since you are in college and probably living away from home? Until you are ready to commit to a long term relationship [the kind where you wan't the parents to meet him/her] I think the phrase "I'm not seeing anyone special right now" would suffice if anyone asks. Your only 22 for goodness sakes. Take your time.

 

[Don Penguinoini]

I would say wait till college, then tell him. If he is a true father, he would understand.

 

[texan1]

I agree with others, no need to rush. Wait until you are financially independant. I would like to be positive, but you just never know how things like this will turn out. I have many friends who are gay. One of them, when he told his father, his dad actually took him to court to get his name taken off a home loan that he had co-signed for his son and things went downhill from there. But then I have many others who did the same thing and things turned out just fine. I wish you much luck and love.

 

[Wandered Off]

If he disagrees with my choice he will more than likely cut of my college funding, and I will be lost at sea, so to say.

Just to clarify, I assume you mean your "choice" to tell him, because it's a bad idea to present your orientation as a choice. That's probably what he thinks it is, and it is only ammunition to reinforce his bigotry.

 

[kadzbiz]

It's called 'greed'.

Greed - destroyer of civilizations.

I would say wait till college, then tell him. If he is a true father, he would understand.

If the latter part of your post was true, then the former need not apply, wouldn't you agree?

 

[whereismynotecard]

If you can live with yourself for doing that, more power to you. Because I can think of so many analogous situations, I just can't be so hypocritical - sorry.

It's called 'greed'.

It's called "If your father is such a ********* that he won't love you anymore if you are gay, then he deserves to pay for your college."

 

[kadzbiz]

It's called "If your father is such a ********* that he won't love you anymore if you are gay, then he deserves to pay for your college."

I like your fiestiness whereismynonsequitor.

 

[The Great Architect]

If you wish to tell them, then do so. If you don't, wait until you finish college. If he truly has faith in God, and forgiveness, and understanding -- he should accept you. If he turns away his own son, that would seem to me to be a far greater 'sin', than homosexuality.:yes:

I do not believe that people of different sexual preferences should be persecuted by the religious establishment.

 

[Yerda]

Good luck with whatever you decide to do!

 

[blackout]

It's called 'greed'.

It's called being pragmatic.

Honestly, your sex life/sexual orientation is YOUR own personal business,
and you do not "owe" anyone any information about it.
No. Not even your own father. Sheesh.

What does your sexual orientation have to do with your college education?
nothing.
And what does your father have to do with your sex life?
nothing.

I say, confide in your mother for now.
I'm so glad she embraces you for who you are!

Big Big hugggzzzz!

~UltraV~

 

[eXiled]

Don't hide from yourself as the saying goes "be true to yourself." Denying who you are for financial gain is unhealthy for you and your father. He may think that you used him for college costs rather than being a son/daughter who stands up for self-dignity. Respect your father enough to be truthful with him. If he reacts by cutting you off then that is his loss that he will need to live with for the rest of his life.

Finally, a moral answer. Funny how a hooray-religion site such as this have people suggesting to keep something monumentally important from someone's father. What happened to honor thy mother and father? Honor is truth. Be truthful. If you decide to tell, then it's because you want him to know. If you want him to know, tell him. Whether or not he accepts it, you won't know. Time will tell. As I've found out, people can surprise you when you least expect it. Your father will not disown you. He loves you. Otherwise, you'd be paying your own way through college. It may take him time to accept it, and he may never, however, he will love you for he's your father. If it's your decision to come out, don't weigh financial gains on it. This should have nothing to do with money. That's exactly what's wrong with this world today. Money overshadowing everything. The all mighty dollar isn't worth anyone's life...
sorry... that last part was my thing, but I think it applies here, too. Be true to yourself. In the end, that's all that really matters.

 

[Heart_of_God]

Tell your dad. You may be surprised. And if he does as you think, there are many ways to pay for college. Financial aid is one way. Talk to your mom and share your concern about him cutting you off financially. Wives have a way of getting their husbands to see reason. It may take awhile but most guys get the hint when the wife gives her input.

 

[cardero]

I agree with others, no need to rush. Wait until you are financially independant.

Coming out of the closet shouldn't mean you have to wait until you can afford a closet.

 

[Yerda]

Coming out of the closet shouldn't mean you have to wait until you can afford a closet.

Of course it shouldn't. But if the gamble is on your future, why risk it?

 

[yossarian22]

Try a text message

 

[eXiled]

lol Yeah, try that.

Simply put, if you want to tell him, tell him. He'll accept it when he accepts it. Don't let something like money stand in your way. That's the problem with everything these days: money being the reason for making decisions. It's horrid and reprehensible, and quite frankly, for 'religious' people to be all for the best way to keep the college education, it's laughable, much like my trust in religion and god. Be honest, because you don't want money at the expense of your happiness, which unfortunately, money and happiness blurs.

 

[Valjean]

Finally, a moral answer. Funny how a hooray-religion site such as this have people suggesting to keep something monumentally important from someone's father. What happened to honor thy mother and father? Honor is truth. Be truthful. If you decide to tell, then it's because you want him to know. If you want him to know, tell him. Whether or not he accepts it, you won't know. Time will tell. As I've found out, people can surprise you when you least expect it. Your father will not disown you. He loves you. Otherwise, you'd be paying your own way through college. It may take him time to accept it, and he may never, however, he will love you for he's your father. If it's your decision to come out, don't weigh financial gains on it. This should have nothing to do with money. That's exactly what's wrong with this world today. Money overshadowing everything. The all mighty dollar isn't worth anyone's life...
sorry... that last part was my thing, but I think it applies here, too. Be true to yourself. In the end, that's all that really matters.

I don't think I'd characterize Hypnotic's sexual orientation as "monumentally important" any more than his blood type or hand dominance.

I'm not sure I'd equate honor with truth either, I see honor more as reverence.
I agree that it would be dishonest on Hypnotic's part to dissemble if the subject came up, but I don't see anything dishonorable or untruthful about not bringing it up. I don't know of anyone who submits a weekly summary of his every thought and action to his parents.

 

[Vasilisa Jade]

Don't let something like money stand in your way. That's the problem with everything these days: money being the reason for making decisions. It's horrid and reprehensible,

I think you are getting a little too caught up in this honor/ morality junk. We are not just talking about money here. We are talking about someones education, and someones future. No one here knows if he would even qualify for financial aid. You never really know until you apply. So lets go back and substitute the real issue in there shall we??

~*~Don't let something like your education/future stand in your way. That's the problem with everything these days: education/ one's future being the reason for making decisions. It's horrid and reprehensible~*~

Do you see where WhereIsMyNotecard and others are coming from now??

and quite frankly, for 'religious' people to be all for the best way to keep the college education, it's laughable, much like my trust in religion and god.

There is something about that that rubs me the wrong way. It is such an intense feeling of wrong rubbing that it is pretty much indescribable.

Be honest, because you don't want money at the expense of your happiness, which unfortunately, money and happiness blurs.

Whoop! There it be agian! Lets do the same once more.

~*~Be honest, because you don't want an education/a future at the expense of your happiness, which unfortunately an education/ a future blurs~*~

To the OP:

What is really at stake here is your education and future. Everyone knows how crucial a college education is today. Your father knows how crucial it is. For him to possibly do something so unloving and malicious over something so trivial blows my mind. When you are dealing with people who might forsake you, it is okay to be selfish if you must in order to secure something SO important in your life. So be selfish. lol. Don't worry about it. Confide in your mom. Focus on your future. You are obviously very nervous and stressed at the sheer idea of coming out to your dad. So wait until you are more comfortable doing it. From that perspective there is not a thing wrong with it. Who cares if he thinks you might have used him? He'll get over it. You shouldn't feel that way with confiding in him, and so to me it sounds like your relationship is already unhealthy as it is. Just because someone is a mother/ father, that does not automatically mean they deserve honor. They can be just as wrong and crappy as the next human.

Much Love and I wish you well with whatever you decide to do!