How can others benefit from our actions? (tittle edited)

[robocop (actually)]

Yes, our words can both heal or harm, depending on how we speak, what words we use, and of course how our words are understood and taken by the one we speak to.

Right, with thoughts, words and actions.

 

[halbhh]

How can we make our neighbours, friends, family, relatives benefit from our own action or words without thinking there is a reward in the end? What does it take to become an selfless helper to other people?

Love.

 

[Spirit of Light]

Love.

That i agree on

 

[halbhh]

That i agree on

36 “Teacher, which is the greatest commandment in the Law?”

37 Jesus replied: “‘Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.’ 38 This is the first and greatest commandment. 39 And the second is like it: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’ 40 All the Law and the Prophets hang on these two commandments.”

 

[Spirit of Light]

To those who already answered or asked questions I edited the OP title a bit so the message come more clear forth. the first tittle was to much about "how can I do for others" that is not selfless in a way

 

[Windwalker]

How can we make our neighbours, friends, family, relatives benefit from our own action or words without thinking there is a reward in the end? What does it take to become an selfless helper to other people?

To be truly selfless, you are not motivated by the reward of other's praises. If you can live like that, that means you've surrendered your ego. What does it take to do that? Knowing what it means to grow beyond the ego. That is the reward then, not the praises of others.

Once you're motivated by Life, as its own reward, then you can be authentic and you will naturally, "love others as yourself". You have to love yourself first. And that becomes the key to self-surrender. What it takes is the spiritual will to overcome the pulls of the ego. It takes a desire to know Reality, the world that exists beyond the ego's view of it.

 

[SigurdReginson]

Hmmm... For me, I find actions speak louder than words. When you help others seflessly, people notice that, and you build a reputation for yourself. When you build that reputation, other people may feel more comfortable in the future with coming to you when they need help, and they become more receptive to your help when you offer it.

I think what's more important than building a reputation for selflessness is building a reputation for reliability and competency, though. Those are the traits that really build trust.

 

[Unveiled Artist]

How can we make our neighbours, friends, family, relatives benefit from our own action or words without thinking there is a reward in the end? What does it take to become an selfless helper to other people?

I heard in a Dharma talk years ago by a nun (I forgot what school). She said that when we do good actions for others, we shouldn't expect them to benefit from it in order for "ourselves" to feel better. That means we are depending on an outside party to define our own happiness and charity. Instead, the act itself is the benefit and when we act in good ways, whether the other person receives or not, the benefit is from our actions.

So, basically, instead of expecting or saying others should deserve, say, our forgiveness, forgiveness, charity, and actions are its own benefit to the giver by the act itself not defined by its consequence or result.

You have very thought provoking threads, I must say.

 

[Hermit Philosopher]

How can we make our neighbours, friends, family, relatives benefit from our own action or words without thinking there is a reward in the end? What does it take to become an selfless helper to other people?

Because the calling to “know thyself” so often is followed by a longing to live selflessly (as in “free from self”), for the needs of others; he who has done much work in getting to know his true (and imagined!) person, may get to a point in life when he feels ready to focus on those around him instead.

I sense that’s where you’re at @Conscious thoughts.

It is likely that in cultures where people require of themselves and of others to be self-sufficient in everything they do, there are few who openly ask for practical assistance ...let alone, emotional help or spiritual support.

But in the beginning, before less self-focus allows for more sensitivity to the state of others, there is nothing really wrong in simply asking: “Is there something I can do for you today?”, “Would you like some company going to that awful place tomorrow?”, “How are you coping with X and Y?” “I heard about Z, would you like to talk about it?”

Doing this, not only directs our attention towards what is going on around us, but is likely to highlight others’ - often very decided - boundaries to us. Be prepared for a certain amount of negative reaction to this most straightforward method - not all will appreciate it!

Yet, encountering the suspicion, offence, irritation, anger, etc, of others in this manner is as important as encountering their appreciation and happiness, because it teaches us how to constructively deal with people’s misunderstanding of our intentions and their rejection to our approach. We do not stop learning about ourselves, even when we are focused on others!

Still, the more we dedicate ourselves to those around us, the less we will think about ourselves. We’ll be mindfully present in their worlds, doing what we can in their contexts but our idea of self may often not be in the forefront of our day. It is sitting in the backseat, in silence.

Happy experimenting, my friend.


Humbly
Hermit

 

[Spirit of Light]

I heard in a Dharma talk years ago by a nun (I forgot what school). She said that when we do good actions for others, we shouldn't expect them to benefit from it in order for "ourselves" to feel better. That means we are depending on an outside party to define our own happiness and charity. Instead, the act itself is the benefit and when we act in good ways, whether the other person receives or not, the benefit is from our actions.

So, basically, instead of expecting or saying others should deserve, say, our forgiveness, forgiveness, charity, and actions are its own benefit to the giver.

You have very thought provoking threads, I must say.

They say food for thoughts are good

 

[Spirit of Light]

Because the calling to “know thyself” so often is followed by a longing to live selflessly (as in “free from self”), for the needs of others; he who has done much work in getting to know his true (and imagined!) person, may get to a point in life when he feels ready to focus on those around him instead.

I sense that’s where you’re at @Conscious thoughts.

It is likely that in cultures where people require of themselves and of others to be self-sufficient in everything they do, there are few who openly ask for practical assistance ...let alone, emotional help or spiritual support.

But in the beginning, before less self-focus allows for more sensitivity to the state of others, there is nothing really wrong in simply asking: “Is there something I can do for you today?”, “Would you like some company going to that awful place tomorrow?”, “How are you coping with X and Y?” “I heard about Z, would you like to talk about it?”

Doing this, not only directs our attention towards what is going on around us, but is likely to highlight others’ - often very decided - boundaries to us. Be prepared for a certain amount of negative reaction to this most straightforward method - not all will appreciate it!

Yet, encountering the suspicion, offence, irritation, anger, etc, of others in this manner is as important as encountering their appreciation and happiness, because it teaches us how to constructively deal with people’s misunderstanding of our intentions and their rejection to our approach. We do not stop learning about ourselves, even when we are focused on others!

Still, the more we dedicate ourselves to those around us, the less we will think about ourselves. We’ll be mindfully present in their worlds, doing what we can in their contexts but our idea of self may often not be in the forefront of our day. It is sitting in the backseat, in silence.

Happy experimenting, my friend.


Humbly
Hermit

As a being there is only one thing to do try to do the best out of the situation and always be there for others

 

[Unveiled Artist]

Once you're motivated by Life, as its own reward, then you can be authentic and you will naturally, "love others as yourself".

Conscious Thoughts: My post in a lump sum. "As it's own reward" not defined by the responses of others.

 

[Vee]

How can we make our neighbours, friends, family, relatives benefit from our own action or words without thinking there is a reward in the end? What does it take to become an selfless helper to other people?

People who are truly generous don't do good things expecting anything in return. They do good things because they value goodness and when they give to others - time, attention, material things, love... - their reward is to know they contributed to someone else's well being.

What does it take to become like that? I don't think it's a straight line, but empathy might be a good start.

 

[TagliatelliMonster]

How can we make our neighbours, friends, family, relatives benefit from our own action or words without thinking there is a reward in the end? What does it take to become an selfless helper to other people?

Some basic empathy.

Being nice, is its own reward.

 

[TagliatelliMonster]

True Unfortenatly there are people who help others then they speak about how good they are them selvs,then it is not so much selfless

Honestly, I don't believe in selfless acts.
Everything one does is about the self, ultimately.

Not necessarily in material ways.
You always get something in return. Even if only the nice feeling inside that you get after helping someone. That makes you feel good about yourself.

In other cases, it might not make you feel good, but the alternative might be that you walk around with a bad conscience or a guilty feeling. Avoiding that by helping people, is also not really selfless, ultimately.

Empathy, which ultimately drives all of this, is a trait of the individual, after all. And not living upto it, makes you feel bad about yourself.

This doesn't mean that helping people is always a selfish act off course.
But imo, it's never selfless either.

 

[McBell]

How can we make our neighbours, friends, family, relatives benefit from our own action or words without thinking there is a reward in the end? What does it take to become an selfless helper to other people?

Do things for others without accepting reward from them.

 

[Windwalker]

Honestly, I don't believe in selfless acts.
Everything one does is about the self, ultimately.

Not necessarily in material ways.
You always get something in return. Even if only the nice feeling inside that you get after helping someone. That makes you feel good about yourself.

But that is not the motivation, to feel good about oneself. Rather, doing good becomes one's nature from a place of abundance. It becomes a natural overflow of wellbeing.

That is what Maslow's hierarchy points to. The lower levels are deficiency needs, where we seek to fill a lack in our lives. In this case, an egoic need. But then in the self-actualized individual, you move into abundance needs which does things, not to fill a lack of deficiency, but to fulfill "being" needs, such as to love, to have compassion, self-sacrifice, and so forth.

Those don't have the small egoic self in mind with its deficiencies. All deficiencies are already met, in the authentic, self-actualized individual, and actions become based upon being needs, to support others, and such. In other words, not because you need to feel good about yourself. You're beyond that as the dominant motivation.

 

[TagliatelliMonster]

But that is not the motivation, to feel good about oneself.

I kinda disagree. Empathy is the driver of this. We can see and recognize the hurt or struggle. So when we see someone struggling, we empathize, because we can imagine how (s)he must be feeling. And it makes us feel bad. Seeing suffering makes us feel bad. It gives us the urge to fix it, or help fixing it. (If it doesn't, one might be a socio- or psychopath)

And being able to say that you did your part, makes you feel better.

Imo, the self is a factor that is always present. I'm not saying there aren't other, additional motivations. Just that that one is ever-present.

Consider a psychopath. He doesn't feel this urge. Everything he does is geared towards personal gain. If that person helps others, it's either for personal gain or it's just being obedient to social convention.

Rather, doing good becomes one's nature from a place of abundance. It becomes a natural overflow of wellbeing.

That is what Maslow's hierarchy points to. The lower levels are deficiency needs, where we seek to fill a lack in our lives. In this case, an egoic need. But then in the self-actualized individual, you move into abundance needs which does things, not to fill a lack of deficiency, but to fulfill "being" needs, such as to love, to have compassion, self-sacrifice, and so forth.

Those don't have the small egoic self in mind with its deficiencies. All deficiencies are already met, in the authentic, self-actualized individual, and actions become based upon being needs, to support others, and such. In other words, not because you need to feel good about yourself. You're beyond that as the dominant motivation.

I'm sorry but I couldn't follow this well enough to properly understand it. I think my english isn't good enough.

Anyhow, as for Maslow's needs.. I think the word "needs" speak for itself. A need, is an urge of the self. Fulfilling one's needs isn't really an example of being selfless imo.

 

[Etritonakin]

Forced help is as you say, not selfless help
to be there for others may be that whenever they ask, there is not a no that they get in return

We should understand the reason for love and kindness. We can then better decide what to do or not do.

Consider the concept of loving your enemies.
The ultimate attitude would be wanting them to live forever in peace and happiness -and to get better -because... just wow. We all mess up, but some folks are really messing things up.

We also have a positive effect on everyone and everything else even when we love our enemies toward this end.
We still have to consider that they are enemies and take measures, but if we allow ourselves to go beyond strong, necessary defense and true justice -which seeks even their best interest (getting better), we create more of what we do not want in that person -as well as everything and everyone else.

The tendency toward getting revenge until satisfied can be confused with justice, but it helps none -and can add to our list of enemies and escalate conflicts as the revenge pendulum swings higher back and forth.
On the grand scale, it has contributed greatly to armed conflicts as each generation sees a reason for revenge. It is not wise to give an enemy or potential enemy valid reason for revenge. There are enough problems already.
The idea should be to stop the pendulum.

Finally, the more I read biblical scripture, the more I realize we will likely actually live with all of our enemies forever -and that one way or another, they will all get better.

As for those who are not enemies, we should also definitely help them on their way toward better things with kindness, truth, hope, encouragement, knowledge, humor, solace -and every other good thing called for by any situation -while realizing the best thing can sometimes be to not act. Allowing another to rest and have quiet is important -especially these days.

Considering our mind-bogglinly amazing future together helps motivate us to do good things for others toward that end.

Having that in our minds as we consider each new situation will help us decide what is best to do.