How do/would you practicaly perceive adultery for your personal life?

[Sunstone]

I'm almost 46, and share the same opinion: "Unacceptable. I expect monogamy and to be exclusive life mates with someone. Otherwise, I will just be alone."

As I've said, some people are naturally monogamous. Perhaps that describes you, and if it works for you, that's fine.

 

[Saint Frankenstein]

It wasn't meant to be rude and dismissive, but to point out the very real fact that young people at their age generally have a much stronger desire for monogamy than they are most likely to feel at, say, my age. If you think about it -- and most people won't -- there could be evolutionary reasons why that's so.




No doubt you have convinced yourself that you currently know, at 26, what you will want at, say, 60. Personally, I have discovered that I myself was a fool in my 20s to think I knew what I'd be like in my 50s. But maybe you'll prove different.

Yeah, we'll see. But something tells me that I'm not going to go from being a severely depressed recluse with social anxiety who has never had an IRL boyfriend or girlfriend to all of a sudden having a wife with girlfriends and/or boyfriends on the side, all while trying to work, go to school (I haven't finished high school and want to go to college) and raise kids (I want at least 2). I don't think that's very realistic.

When I'm your age, I just want to be grandpa and relax.

 

[Sunstone]

I don't think that's very realistic.

I think most of us make poor seers.

 

[Saint Frankenstein]

I think most of us make poor seers.

Apparently, since I've never gotten what I've wanted out of life so far, despite all my hopes and dreams. So it would be a huge cosmic event if I ever even got to meet the woman I love, let alone have a lasting intimate relationship, getting married and having a family.

 

[9-10ths_Penguin]

I'm confused to answer. Are "legally separated" and "divorced" different? To me, both seem like the same thing.

They're different.

Here, in most cases, a married couple has to live apart for a year before they can get a divorce. During this period, they aren't living as a couple and are considered separated. However, they're still married until the divorce is finalized in court. Depending on when the people decide to file for divorce, they could be separated for years.

I know many people (myself included) who started new relationships while separated but not divorced.

 

[9-10ths_Penguin]

I'm almost 46, and share the same opinion: "Unacceptable. I expect monogamy and to be exclusive life mates with someone. Otherwise, I will just be alone."

Would you choose monogamy over honesty if there was a conflict between the two? If your partner wanted an open marriage, would you prefer he or she never tell you?

 

[Horrorble]

Yeah, we'll see. But something tells me that I'm not going to go from being a severely depressed recluse with social anxiety who has never had an IRL boyfriend or girlfriend to all of a sudden having a wife with girlfriends and/or boyfriends on the side, all while trying to work, go to school (I haven't finished high school and want to go to college) and raise kids (I want at least 2). I don't think that's very realistic.

When I'm your age, I just want to be grandpa and relax.

I think time and money does make open relationships unobtainable for some people.
Someone told me about a couple they know who have an open relationship but because the wife stays at home looking after the children while the husband travels for work. It's more an open relationship for him and not for her, as she doesn't have the time or social life to actually meet others as her husband does.
In situations like that I think it would be more compassionate of the husband to remain monogamous.

 

[Sunstone]

Adultery has nothing to do with open marriages. An open marriage is just that, open. The question of the thread is…if you feel adultery is unacceptable. Adultery is about sneaking around, lying to your spouse so you can sleep with others, and still keep your marriage going, your partner none the wiser. That is wrong. If you want to sleep with others, be straight about it…tell your spouse. Give your spouse the option of staying in the relationship, adultery takes away the option of your partner to have a fair say in expectations.

Well that pretty much sums up most of what needs to be said about adultery.

 

[Saint Frankenstein]

I think time and money does make open relationships unobtainable for some people.
Someone told me about a couple they know who have an open relationship but because the wife stays at home looking after the children while the husband travels for work. It's more an open relationship for him and not for her, as she doesn't have the time or social life to actually meet others as her husband does.
In situations like that I think it would be more compassionate of the husband to remain monogamous.

Agreed. You'd have to be very privileged to even have the time for that in the first place and most of us don't.

 

[Deidre]

Well that pretty much sums up most of what needs to be said about adultery.

Now, here’s something. Suppose you are open about desiring others, and your partner knows about it…but doesn’t approve or accept it. If you still go ahead with sleeping with others despite your spouse being okay with it, would that be adultery?


In Christianity, think these nuances don’t mater lol

 

[Sunstone]

Suppose you are open about desiring others, and your partner knows about it…but doesn’t approve or accept it.

If she didn't accept it, I would own up to my mistake in having married her without first wisely discussing her views on an issued of huge importance to me, and I would divorce her. But that would never happen, because I'd never marry -- or even get very far into a relationship with -- someone who was not comfortable with an open relationship or marriage. After awhile, I die in monogamous relationships.

 

[Horrorble]

Would you choose monogamy over honesty if there was a conflict between the two? If your partner wanted an open marriage, would you prefer he or she never tell you?

I will answer this even though it's not directed at me, just because I feel like it.
I would prefer if they told me. I wouldn't think badly of them.
Unfortunately I've experienced not being told because they didn't want me getting mine, but they wanted to get theirs.
So there's that!

 

[Deidre]

If she didn't accept it, I would own up to my mistake in having married her without first wisely discussing her views on an issued of huge importance to me, and I would divorce her. But that would never happen, because I'd never marry -- or even get very far into a relationship with -- someone who was not comfortable with an open relationship or marriage. After awhile, I die in monogamous relationships.

This shows great integrity, tbh. A lot of people do the exact opposite, and while it can be hard to let someone go, living a lie would be far worse.

 

[Digital_Monk]

I've been cheated on by every woman I've been involved with, including both women I married and subsequently divorced. It hurts when someone does that to you.

I'm a monogamist. I've never cheated. Just my preference for how to behave.

 

[Smart_Guy]

It can be a subtle distinction, but the short of it is that divorced people are free to marry other people as if they had never married previously.

By contrast, legally separated people are still considered married for legal purposes, but with somewhat lessened and/or more formalized expectations of mutual dedication and support. Legal separations have some measure of intervention by the government, usually in the form of statements of what they are allowed, forbidden or required to do to each other.

They're different.

Here, in most cases, a married couple has to live apart for a year before they can get a divorce. During this period, they aren't living as a couple and are considered separated. However, they're still married until the divorce is finalized in court. Depending on when the people decide to file for divorce, they could be separated for years.

I know many people (myself included) who started new relationships while separated but not divorced.

Hmm...

In that case, I'm afraid I can't put a fix on one. In my culture, both cases are the same in all aspects, and due to this difference, it is only fair to leave it to the poster to decide which case they are in and post accordingly; a poster specific case.

But if I'm to decide having different cultures in mind, I'd say that if the "separation but no divorce case" has a possibility that the two can still choose to at some point get back together under the same marriage contract, then I'd include it in the OP and still consider them normally married. If they absolutely cannot, then no, it is not what the OP is for and I'd consider them same as divorced.