How do You All Feel About This Kid?

[fullyveiled muslimah]

YouTube - Kid pimp slaps his mom on the dr.phil show


I was so taken aback, but not completely shocked. I understand giving children a certain amount of flexibility to express themselves, but this is ridiculous in my opinion. Whenever a parent feels forced to compromise their position as the authority, they have lost control right at that instant.

I could never have even raised my voice to my mother let alone my hands. My mom did allow us to speak our piece, but always in a respectful manner.

 

[whereismynotecard]

That kid is so annoying... He treats his mother as though she is his sister. He doesn't respect her, I guess...

 

[Smoke]

Well, I was shocked. I don't generally approving of striking children, but it seems there are exceptions. If I had slapped my mother across the face like that, there wouldn't have been anything left of me but a greasy spot on the ground.

 

[texan1]

I agree, I would never have gotten away with this. This is ridiculous. There is too much conversation. I think parents start to lose control when they get sucked into conversations and try to reason too much with children. I know it may sound harsh to some people, but sometimes the old saying "because I said so" is a good enough reason. Not that you should use those words exactly, but you set a rule and if it is broken there are consequences. No discussion. She should not be trying to reason things out with this child at this age because she is weakening herself in his eyes. He has lost respect for her.

 

[lilithu]

There is too much conversation. I think parents start to lose control when they get sucked into conversations and try to reason too much with children. I know it may sound harsh to some people, but sometimes the old saying "because I said so" is a good enough reason. Not that you should use those words exactly, but you set a rule and if it is broken there are consequences. No discussion. She should not be trying to reason things out with this child at this age because she is weakening herself in his eyes. He has lost respect for her.

Most of my friends who are parents do not believe in corporal punishment and do reason with their kids. And there is no problem. The kids feel respected and they in turn respect their parents.

My impression is that there is something organically wrong with this kid. He is completely and entirely narcissistic where any slight criticism of him is intolerable and everything he does is justified. He claims that he's not being treated fairly, that the mom won't let him speak, when clearly she has let him speak. I mean really, even before he got to the slap, I wanted to deck him because his hostility was so out of control. (Not saying that that would be ok.) I am at a loss as to how one could deal with this child.

 

[McBell]

He would have never gotten the chance to smack me.
I would have knocked him on his arse the first time he told me to "shut up."

 

[Charity]

My parents would have never tolerated this type of conduct....I would have never done them this way because I have always had respect for them....This is wrong to let a kid get by with type of behaviour.

 

[Smoke]

Most of my friends who are parents do not believe in corporal punishment and do reason with their kids. And there is no problem. The kids feel respected and they in turn respect their parents.

I agree. My paternal grandparents didn't believe in corporal punishment, and it certainly never came to anything like this. I've known other couples who brought their children up gently and with reason and respect, and again, no problems. I don't think it's good to strike a child. But I think I'd clip this one pretty good; I don't know whether I'd be able to help myself.

He needs to be under psychiatric care, for sure. But he also needs some very clear boundaries.

 

[Sunstone]

If a kid hits his mother, taking him down to defend the mother is perfectly acceptable in my book.

 

[lilithu]

If a kid hits his mother, taking him down to defend the mother is perfectly acceptable in my book.

One could argue that it's justifiable. My concern is what happens after you "take him down." He is already so filled with rage, for no apparent reason that I can see. I don't think beating him will knock the rage out of him. I think at best what you do is teach him that stronger physical force wins over weaker physical force, which doesn't really solve the problem. Seriously, if he slapped her with no provocation, I would be fearful of what he would do after a beating. I would have to sleep with my bedroom door locked.

 

[Sunstone]

One could argue that it's justifiable. My concern is what happens after you "take him down." He is already so filled with rage, for no apparent reason that I can see. I don't think beating him will knock the rage out of him. I think at best what you do is teach him that stronger physical force wins over weaker physical force, which doesn't really solve the problem. Seriously, if he slapped her with no provocation, I would be fearful of what he would do after a beating. I would have to sleep with my bedroom door locked.

I'm not talking about beating him up or taking revenge. I'm talking about preventing him from beating his mother more than he already has. I'm fairly confident that if a kid b*tch slapped his mother in my presence, then all else being equal (i.e. the kid is not more heavily armed than me, not twice my size, etc), I would be inclined to do whatever was needed to prevent him from further attacking his mother. I think most people would.

 

[Smoke]

Seriously, if he slapped her with no provocation, I would be fearful of what he would do after a beating. I would have to sleep with my bedroom door locked.

That's a legitimate concern, but if one of us is going to be afraid of the other, it is damn well going to be the child who's afraid of me.

 

[Jeremy Mason]

Anyone watch the South Park episode where Caesar Milan(sp?) gives obedience lessons to Cartmen?

 

[whereismynotecard]

If a kid hits his mother, taking him down to defend the mother is perfectly acceptable in my book.

I don't know why, but the first time I read what you've written, I thought it said "If a fat kid hits his mother......" Sorry... I just thought that was funny......

 

[YmirGF]

Somewhere this kid has been given the wrong idea about control. He is quite obviously used to getting his way and unfortunately, the mother's child-rearing methods must be called into question. Like the kid is 10 and overweight. This is not good. He needs an authority figure who he cannot back talk to without instantaneous repercussions. He needs guidelines now and is screaming for those guidelines. This kid is way beyond reasonable chitchat because he is not being reasonable. He may or may not ever understand that.

Considering his temper and size now, I shudder to think how he will terrorize his mother when he becomes a teen. She made the unimaginable mistake of saying she was afraid of him. She forfeited her power and control over to him so that he now controls her.

Then again, this is from Dr. Phil so there is the distinct possibility that actors staged the whole thing.

 

[Smoke]

Anyone watch the South Park episode where Caesar Milan(sp?) gives obedience lessons to Cartmen?

That was hilarious. Maybe this mother should hire Cesar.

 

[michel]

YouTube - Kid pimp slaps his mom on the dr.phil show


I was so taken aback, but not completely shocked. I understand giving children a certain amount of flexibility to express themselves, but this is ridiculous in my opinion. Whenever a parent feels forced to compromise their position as the authority, they have lost control right at that instant.

I could never have even raised my voice to my mother let alone my hands. My mom did allow us to speak our piece, but always in a respectful manner.

I have seen the world go from times when children had no rights, to when the emphasis on them having rights swung the pendulum too far in their favour. This is the typical result.

I have also seen this in cultures.....The Spanish dictator Franco eld his people in a vice like iron grip; when he died, and people found that they could express their opinions, and that they had rights, Spain went a bit silly.

Over a period of five years after Franco's death, I saw the teenage Children of Spain going from quiet little well dress mice who were ull of respect for their elders to children who only cared about their own needs, and had respect for few.

This is a generalisation; I know that many of those children were following "the leader of the pack", but the effect is the same.

When you give freedom to those who have been repressed, they tend to go too far in expressing what they want to express.

Reluctantly, I have to say that the avarage modern teenage child of today cares about little.

Children at breaking point: Knives, guns, bullies...a shocking look at growing up in today's UK - This Britain, UK - The Independent


Children at breaking point: Knives, guns, bullies...a shocking look at growing up in today's UK


The rights of a generation of children in Britain are being eroded by poverty, unhappiness and fear of crime, the largest report on the state of childhood in six years reveals.

By Jane Merrick and Alison Shepherd

Sunday, 8 June 2008

se the above link for the article.

 

[fullyveiled muslimah]

It seems obvious to me that this child has never had any discipline of any kind, least of all a spanking. He's apparently spoiled beyond belief, and at this point a spanking is not what he needs, at least not from her. I wonder where his father is? A child, particularly a boy would probably be less likely to have hit his father than his mother. She has long ago lost his respect, by giving up her position of authority. Sitting and talking with your child is one thing, and is commendable. However, one must set the ground rules for that conversation. My mother allowed us to speak when it was appropriate to hear our side of things, or what we needed to get off our chest. We didn't have permission to disrespect her no matter what we were trying to express.

So how does one deal with a child of this type? Surely he is young enough to be reformed. She has to take back her position but how? I think the first step is for her to make a rule and not to reason with him about it at all. Kids don't need every single rule explained to their satisfaction. Sometimes what a parent says just goes. You can tell his viewpoint is skewed by the statements he made. Particularly when he says she isn't the boss of him when asked why he does not heed verbal warning. Now where oh where could he have learned that? Michel I agree with you about this:

I have seen the world go from times when children had no rights, to when the emphasis on them having rights swung the pendulum too far in their favour. This is the typical result................ When you give freedom to those who have been repressed, they tend to go too far in expressing what they want to express.

The pendulum has indeed gone too far the other way. Yes children have rights, but parents retain their rights as well. It's almost as if the general unspoken thought that is cropping up is that children do not necessarily need their parents guidances, and that the rule of the parent is seen as tyrannical if they do not relent to the child once the child decides the rule is unfair to them. I say if they are so grown, then they don't need the parents money either.

 

[fullyveiled muslimah]

Then again, this is from Dr. Phil so there is the distinct possibility that actors staged the whole thing.

LOL, yeah that's a possibility as well. I think it's still a good point of discussion though, because even if this one is fake, somewhere it's true.

 

[lilithu]

I'm not talking about beating him up or taking revenge. I'm talking about preventing him from beating his mother more than he already has. I'm fairly confident that if a kid b*tch slapped his mother in my presence, then all else being equal (i.e. the kid is not more heavily armed than me, not twice my size, etc), I would be inclined to do whatever was needed to prevent him from further attacking his mother. I think most people would.

According to the video, he didn't, so there was no need to "take him down" to prevent him from slapping her again... at that moment. Which is why my concern is for what continues to happen after that moment. I'm not saying you'd be wrong to do it; I'm saying that by itself is insufficient to solve the problem.

That's a legitimate concern, but if one of us is going to be afraid of the other, it is damn well going to be the child who's afraid of me.

You make it sound like it's either/or, as if two people can't be afraid of each other. And fear leads to hatred. It seems to me that when one uses force to subdue someone else, one is always a little afraid of that person to some extent (unless you never have to see him again). Even when the U.S. used to have slaves, masters always lived in fear of slave uprisings. An alpha dog that wins authority by violence always has the threat of being beaten by a younger, stronger dog later. Unless you kill the other, violence is never a permanent solution.

My point is that slapping the kid or otherwise physically restraining him by force may be justified, even possibly necessary, but is not going to turn this kid into an empathetic human being. Perhaps nothing will. If it were my child, I would definitely seek counseling, and a professional evaluation to determine whether this is organic.