How do You All Feel About This Kid?

[Smoke]

My point is that slapping the kid or otherwise physically restraining him by force may be justified, even possibly necessary, but is not going to turn this kid into an empathetic human being. Perhaps nothing will. If it were my child, I would definitely seek counseling, and a professional evaluation to determine whether this is organic.

I think I'd skip the counselor and go straight to the psychiatrist, because I'd be concerned about just that. Whether it's organic or not, though, it's obvious this problem didn't just pop up over night. I wonder why the mother hasn't sought help before it got to this point.

It would be hell to live with a child like that, and he clearly isn't enjoying it, either.

 

[MysticSang'ha]

I agree with MB. I think the child needs psychiatric help. This, imo, is not a disciplinary issue.

The mother is simply spinning her wheels at this point, and I seriously doubt that a week at "Dr. Phil's Brat Camp" is going to offer any long-term solutions.

 

[doppelganger]

Most of my friends who are parents do not believe in corporal punishment and do reason with their kids. And there is no problem. The kids feel respected and they in turn respect their parents.

You can count me in that group. We don't use violence or threats of violence to control our children and they are extremely well behaved. About a year ago, I even explained to my 8 year old daughter (when she asked) what "bad words" are and that I don't care if she uses them around me, but be careful about using them around others, because some people really get upset about them. Guess what? She not only understood, but she never uses them - not even around me although she knows she wouldn't be in trouble for it if she did.

Kids are much smarter than people give them credit for being. However . . . even without the violence, my children understand that their mother and I are in charge of many things in their lives and that by consistently showing responsibility, they get to be more and more in charge themselves. So far it's worked brilliantly, though my daughter hasn't reached her teens yet.

 

[Magic Man]

One could argue that it's justifiable. My concern is what happens after you "take him down." He is already so filled with rage, for no apparent reason that I can see. I don't think beating him will knock the rage out of him. I think at best what you do is teach him that stronger physical force wins over weaker physical force, which doesn't really solve the problem. Seriously, if he slapped her with no provocation, I would be fearful of what he would do after a beating. I would have to sleep with my bedroom door locked.

I think his rage is only a problem because he can get away with it. If it was clear that he could no longer treat his mother that way without severe consequences, I think the problem would die off.

 

[Magic Man]

You can count me in that group. We don't use violence or threats of violence to control our children and they are extremely well behaved. About a year ago, I even explained to my 8 year old daughter (when she asked) what "bad words" are and that I don't care if she uses them around me, but be careful about using them around others, because some people really get upset about them. Guess what? She not only understood, but she never uses them - not even around me although she knows she wouldn't be in trouble for it if she did.

Kids are much smarter than people give them credit for being. However . . . even without the violence, my children understand that their mother and I are in charge of many things in their lives and that by consistently showing responsibility, they get to be more and more in charge themselves. So far it's worked brilliantly, though my daughter hasn't reached her teens yet.

I think the key is to set the boundaries, though. I'm sure your kids also understand that you are the authority, and that ultimately what you say goes. I'd be willing to go out on a limb and say that you are better parents than this woman in general. I'd say this woman probably slacks off in her parental role sometimes because she gets tired of it. I doubt you do that, which is something that would allow them to respect you in your role.

 

[3.14]

no offence but the mom is a pretty much a biach she acts like a well intentioned mother but ignores the child only to bring her own point, so the child doesn't respect her and thinks that its his job to teach her respect, so he tryes to teach her the same way she teaches him respect

pretty sad actualy that the mother is so far gone that she has to learn respect from her son.

 

[lilithu]

I think the key is to set the boundaries, though. I'm sure your kids also understand that you are the authority, and that ultimately what you say goes. I'd be willing to go out on a limb and say that you are better parents than this woman in general. I'd say this woman probably slacks off in her parental role sometimes because she gets tired of it. I doubt you do that, which is something that would allow them to respect you in your role.

It seems to me from the video that she was clearly setting boundaries, to which the kid reacted violently.

no offence but the mom is a pretty much a biach she acts like a well intentioned mother but ignores the child only to bring her own point,

:areyoucra

 

[Gentoo]

This is something that really worries me if/when GC and I decide to reproduce. Who's to say that this woman didn't do everything right, and he still ended up like this? None of us have been there throughout his life to grade his mom's discipline, or apparent lack thereof. We see a kid with control and anger issues, and people immediately jump to the mother not disciplining, I think this is an unfair judgment. This kid may have unrelated issues in his life, and this is just how those issues have manifested. Or maybe, he's just a huge pain in the nether regions. My point is, we see this little 4-minute video clip of a kid acting out, and suddenly some people make the mother out to be the worst mother in history.

Granted, that's not to say that I don't want to put a choke-collar on this kid...

 

[MysticSang'ha]

I think you make a very good point, Meg. A 4 minute video may not tell the whole story.

 

[Mister_T]

How do you all feel about this kid?

Where's my shaving strap.....

 

[mrscardero]

When I was little, (in the Philippines) if I mouthed off to an adult, my father disciplined me.
Let's just say that he did not have a belt to use so he grabbed the nearest object.
A 2 by 4 or a big stick. He would say, "Respect your elders! Respect everyone around you!"
This only happened once. Never again did I disrespect anyone.
My father meant well. If I didn't learn from that first and
last lesson, I wouldn't have a butt to sit on.

This kid needs help. Makes me wonder how he would treat his
girlfriend(s) or wife when he gets to that part of his life.

 

[fullyveiled muslimah]

This kid needs help. Makes me wonder how he would treat his
girlfriend(s) or wife when he gets to that part of his life.

This is also a valid concern. From the clip it would seem he resents his mother telling him anything in a command type form. This may well translate into resenting women in general who may come to make demands upon him, be it a female boss, his wife, or his female children should he have these things in his life. He's going to meet it in some capacity. I just hope that whatever issues have brought about such behaviour, can be rectified by the people who love him, before he reaches adulthood and finds rather abruptly that people aren't going to heed him because he had a temper tantrum.

 

[mrscardero]

It seems that kids now a days are getting away with a lot of things. Being able to treat their parents like nothing. Parents take care of the kids and when the kids grow up, they are suppose to take care of their parents. Some just get carried away with their own lives that they just abandone their parents. (Visa Versa)

It's sad to see these things happen to people. When I was adopted, I was the adult. I took care of my adopted parents because they were ranging in ages of 57 & 75. I didn't care if that's the reason they adopted me. To take care of them. I was glad to be of help.

This young man needs to be checked out like the others have stated. He seems like he has a chemical imbalance which causes him to rash out on his mother and probably others.

 

[texan1]

Most of my friends who are parents do not believe in corporal punishment and do reason with their kids. And there is no problem. The kids feel respected and they in turn respect their parents.

My impression is that there is something organically wrong with this kid. He is completely and entirely narcissistic where any slight criticism of him is intolerable and everything he does is justified. He claims that he's not being treated fairly, that the mom won't let him speak, when clearly she has let him speak. I mean really, even before he got to the slap, I wanted to deck him because his hostility was so out of control. (Not saying that that would be ok.) I am at a loss as to how one could deal with this child.

I think you are right to a certain extent in that kids are individuals and this one probably needs help. I am lucky that my little guy is so mild mannered. Maybe I should have said you can't reason with a child like this one. And just to be clear, I have never used corporal punishment and was not insinuating that anyone should. When I used the term "consequences" I did not mean "hitting".

But I have found myself getting into drawn out conversations with my son after I have said no to something and I have to remind myself that he is 5 and I'm the adult. At a certain point the answer is "no" with no more discussion. Kids will often try to test limits and boundaries. When you are not consistent in your discipline or when you start to give in, you start to lose control imo. It doesn't mean you shouldn't ever reason with them or explain why. But sometimes for example I will see a parent tell a child something like "No, we are not getting that toy" and then the child will rant and rave and the parent will go to great lengths trying to reason it out and appease the child, etc. to prevent a meltdown. In my opinion that is not neccessary. You say no and then you take the child away from the store. They may get upset but they need to learn that no is no.

And from this clip, this child could use more absolutes. Like 'if you are disrespectful' or 'if you break this rule' the consequences will be X. No discussion. But as others have pointed out he may also need some professional help.

 

[Nessa Nenharma]

I think part of his "courage"- if you will, to hit his mother comes from the fact that this was taped and highly publicized. I think the boy took certain librities that he might not have otherwise taken had he been at home.

On another note, we don't know if he was abused at home and this was him lashing out when he thought he could get away with it, or he is in deed need of some serious psycological counseling.

Don't get me wrong, I am not down-playing the situation at all, because if it were my child they wouldn't have even tried it And if I were her I would have swiftly knocked that chair right out from under his arse and let him know who rules the roost.

:bb:

Nessa