How do you extirpate the things that are bad for you.

[Muffled]

As a Christian I have a savior who keeps me from sin but there are also bad habits which he may just leave in place. I know my daughter has tried to quit smoking by using a vape but that only lasted until her first stressful episode. I know alcoholic use AA and my other daughter quit smoking for a while because the Mormons watched over her until she did but now she is on the outs with them and doesn't have their support so she is back smoking. How do people on here do it? Meditation?

 

[ADigitalArtist]

Chemical dependence is trickier than simple bad habits. Thankfully I've not been in a position like your daughter.
But I did have had to lose weight before and for me the only thing that worked was NOT looking for a support group or person to act as a crutch. To not make the success reliant on whether or not someone else was there for me because, at the end of the day, I have to be the one who decides to stick to a plan. So I can't wait for a workout buddy who might not show, or a Weight Watchers or TOPS group whose cheering me on won't make my productive decisions. I decided to own my own responsibility, my own desires and my own failings.

 

[Altfish]

Is it not more to do with 'will power' rather than external help that enables you to give up addictions?
OK, some form of support group may be helpful to some but I fail to see the need for religion.
Weight Watchers and other dieting self-help groups manage without religion.

 

[Sunstone]

I've read of studies that have found meditation can be of some help with addictions, such as nicotine.

I tend to distrust will power alone. I've noticed that people who rely on it alone to break habits and addictions are constantly backsliding.

 

[Muffled]

Is it not more to do with 'will power' rather than external help that enables you to give up addictions?
OK, some form of support group may be helpful to some but I fail to see the need for religion.
Weight Watchers and other dieting self-help groups manage without religion.

I believe I wish I had will power but often I do not and need help.

Who is the best help? I find Jesus to be the best help when it comes to sin.

 

[Muffled]

I've read of studies that have found meditation can be of some help with addictions, such as nicotine.

I tend to distrust will power alone. I've noticed that people who rely on it to break habits and addictions are constantly backsliding.

My wife tried hypnosis but it didn't work for her. They say hypnosis can't overcome your will and her will is to smoke.

 

[Kilgore Trout]

Any major change requires gradual, progressive change over time to occur.

I've successfully quit smoking (for extended periods) twice. What I learned is that you have to not only break the chemical addiction (the easy part), but also break/replace your psychological and emotional associations with the behavior (much harder).

Will power is definitely necessary, but it has to be contextualized in a way that is possible to keep up. For example, you don't have to have the willpower to never smoke again. You just need to have the willpower to not smoke this cigarette, right now. The cravings grow weaker and further apart over time, but you still look at it as not smoking one cigarette at a time. Anyone can do that if they can change their perspective.

 

[Muffled]

Chemical dependence is trickier than simple bad habits. Thankfully I've not been in a position like your daughter.
But I did have had to lose weight before and for me the only thing that worked was NOT looking for a support group or person to act as a crutch. To not make the success reliant on whether or not someone else was there for me because, at the end of the day, I have to be the one who decides to stick to a plan. So I can't wait for a workout buddy who might not show, or a Weight Watchers or TOPS group whose cheering me on won't make my productive decisions. I decided to own my own responsibility, my own desires and my own failings.

I believe my daughter lost weight when she had a motivation: meeting her internet boyfriend in person but the relationship ended and so did the motivation

 

[Muffled]

Any major change requires gradual, progressive change over time to occur.

I've successfully quit smoking (for extended periods) twice. What I learned is that you have to not only break the chemical addiction (the easy part), but also break/replace your psychological and emotional associations with the behavior (much harder).

Will power is definitely necessary, but it has to be contextualized in a way that is possible to keep up. For example, you don't have to have the willpower to never smoke again. You just need to have the willpower to not smoke this cigarette, right now. The cravings grow weaker and further apart over time, but you still look at it as not smoking one cigarette at a time. Anyone can do that if they can change their perspective.

My brother in law quit smoking because the JWs would not let him attend service until he did so that gave him motivation. Now he is on the outs with the JW's but has been off cigarettes long enough so that he no longer has a dependency.

 

[ADigitalArtist]

I believe my daughter lost weight when she had a motivation: meeting her internet boyfriend in person but the relationship ended and so did the motivation

Yeah I've seen it happen, too. It's a shame because if she just decided she wanted it for herself, she'd probably succeed just fine.

 

[Altfish]

I believe I wish I had will power but often I do not and need help.

Who is the best help? I find Jesus to be the best help when it comes to sin.

Are smoking and drinking deemed to be sinful!! Why?
I thought sin was things like murder, theft, masturbation, homosexuality, etc.
No problem calling on Jesus if he helps you; the Flying Spaghetti Monster helped me get off pizza and onto pasta.

 

[LuisDantas]

Mainly, I work at convincing myself that those things are indeed bad for me.

 

[Nietzsche]

I've read of studies that have found meditation can be of some help with addictions, such as nicotine.

I tend to distrust will power alone. I've noticed that people who rely on it alone to break habits and addictions are constantly backsliding.

If I named a bunch of people who had truly impressive amounts of willpower, there would be a frightening correlation between large amounts of willpower and insanity.

 

[Timothy Bryce]

2016, for me, has been a roller-coaster for me trying to address a few serious addictions. Now, I seem to be much better off for having addressed them (and even been engaged with them in the first place). Back in January, I never would've expected it would involve such a turbulent ride. It's complicated and based on individual circumstances but I think Luis has it right in convincing yourself that certain things are bad for you.

For me, I kind of always knew certain things I shouldn't have been doing, but did them anyway for various reasons. Ultimately, for me, it was seeing the consequences of my actions that prompted me to change.

 

[idav]

Methods like AA, meditation and prayer are all attempting to tap into the limited free will we have. We also tend to psych ourselves out, lie to ourselves into thinking something bad is good. It does take a willingness, a passion to change, the same passion that someone might have being addicted to eating healthy and exercising, being clean freaks, which are the sort of addictions I sort of envy. I've been more successful when developing a disgust and sheer hatred for the things attempting to control my will power. I'm more comfortable when hings feel like a choice though we are also good at convincing ourselves we are in full control when it could be a complete lie.

 

[arthra]

As a Christian I have a savior who keeps me from sin but there are also bad habits which he may just leave in place. I know my daughter has tried to quit smoking by using a vape but that only lasted until her first stressful episode. I know alcoholic use AA and my other daughter quit smoking for a while because the Mormons watched over her until she did but now she is on the outs with them and doesn't have their support so she is back smoking. How do people on here do it? Meditation?

Thanks for sharing "Muffled"... My family is Baha'i and we generally focus on positive values and virtues.

I would suggest there are a couple of ways you might consider extirpating the things that are bad for you...and your children and of course each situation for each person could vary.

First focus on the good qualities that your children have.. If they enjoy reading or exploring things encourage them..take them to museums..expose them to high culture.

I have one son that became an artist.. I encouraged him by drawing things with him and going to Art classes with him. Today he's a graphic Artist.

Another way is to see that your children are with other children who are generally well behaved and having good qualities..We had a Baha'i youth organization that the children were involved in Youth for One World and all of them were in Scouting.

Of course be yourself a good model for your children. ... My wife and I don't drink alcohol or smoke tobacco in our home.. We don't allow it. We also didn't allow knives or even toy guns as toys... I also saw that we avoided childrens' clothing with ads for beer.

I also encouraged them to watch television shows or movies that had good values..

Being a Baha'i we had one evening a week where we had a family consultation.. and each child was encouraged to share positive things they were doing or they could ask questions.

All my children turned out fairly well.. My daughter is a librarian at the local University. I have one son that's a Paramedic and as I mentioned above one is a Paramedic.

 

[Katzpur]

Thanks for sharing "Muffled"... My family is Baha'i and we generally focus on positive values and virtues.

I would suggest there are a couple of ways you might consider extirpating the things that are bad for you...and your children and of course each situation for each person could vary.

First focus on the good qualities that your children have.. If they enjoy reading or exploring things encourage them..take them to museums..expose them to high culture.

I have one son that became an artist.. I encouraged him by drawing things with him and going to Art classes with him. Today he's a graphic Artist.

Another way is to see that your children are with other children who are generally well behaved and having good qualities..We had a Baha'i youth organization that the children were involved in Youth for One World and all of them were in Scouting.

Of course be yourself a good model for your children. ... My wife and I don't drink alcohol or smoke tobacco in our home.. We don't allow it. We also didn't allow knives or even toy guns as toys... I also saw that we avoided childrens' clothing with ads for beer.

I also encouraged them to watch television shows or movies that had good values..

Being a Baha'i we had one evening a week where we had a family consultation.. and each child was encouraged to share positive things they were doing or they could ask questions.

All my children turned out fairly well.. My daughter is a librarian at the local University. I have one son that's a Paramedic and as I mentioned above one is a Paramedic.

That was SO interesting for me to read. Of course, you've been here o RF for years, and I've always known you were a Baha'i, but had someone else (someone whose religion I didn't know) had posted that thread (without the specific mention of the Baha'i Faith), I would have SWORN it was written by a Mormon. It appears we have similar values and similar ways of raising our children.

 

[Revoltingest]

As a Christian I have a savior who keeps me from sin but there are also bad habits which he may just leave in place. I know my daughter has tried to quit smoking by using a vape but that only lasted until her first stressful episode. I know alcoholic use AA and my other daughter quit smoking for a while because the Mormons watched over her until she did but now she is on the outs with them and doesn't have their support so she is back smoking. How do people on here do it? Meditation?

I've trimmed down the 12 step program to make it more secular & less work.
Step 1: Decide what to do.
Step 2: Do it.

 

[Forever_Catholic]

Encourage your daughter to get back into vaping. I know first hand as a former long-time smoker that it can take awhile to completely give up cigarettes. At least part of that is just the psychological attachment to the habit. But vaping gets better and better with some effort and experimentation to find favorite devices and e-liquid flavors. I got off to a slow start with it at first, sometimes vaping and sometimes smoking, but soon found vaping to be far more pleasurable and satisfying than smoking ever was, I have not had a cigarette in over six years and have not the slightest desire to smoke again.

 

[GoodbyeDave]

I got off to a slow start with it at first, sometimes vaping and sometimes smoking, but soon found vaping to be far more pleasurable and satisfying than smoking ever was, I have not had a cigarette in over six years and have not the slightest desire to smoke again.

If I understand you correctly, you've been vaping for six years: that's replacing one dangerous habit with another, slightly less dangerous. You're still inhaling carcinogens, just lower doses and different ones.