Basically, I'm not coping.
My "best friend" has a job working at the library, despite the thing being closed. She's basically like the father in the song All The Lonely People, who writes a sermon that nobody will hear. She's got shelf sorting to do, and cataloguing, and shuffling out unread books, and probably ordering new ones, and asking for donations (which ppl are unlikely to give if it stays closed because ppl prefer to donate where there is a cause that personally connects with them). But she's not really doing the real purpose of the library anymore. You know, those books are for ppl to read and all?
Like many of the ppl here, she not only refuses to believe me but I've decided she doesn't even really care if people panic, just as long as she's safe. Not even if ppl starve from overshopping. She's earning so that she can leave for the city. And normally I'd convince her not to go, but right now I'd be sorely tempted to say something I'd later regret like "good riddance."
My other friends are mostly from the church, and they've decided to shut down, doing services instead on Facebook. I've long since removed my Facebook account, and I have little desire to see her go through the motions of a service without any people. A church, to me, is about people overcoming their fear and being around each other. And as a child of the 1980s, I remember seeing a lot of "at your own risk" signs, like skate or ski or whatever. The idea was that as a grown adult you are able to make your own decisions, even if they put you in danger. The late 1990s and stupid people burning themselves by placing coffee between their legs then suing because you know, coffee may be hot put an end to most personal responsibility, but I think we're in this mess because people can't be trusted to take their own risks, so they instead trust a nanny state.
I'd like to say right now that I feel the presence of Jesus soothing me and reminding me that this time will be over soon. But all I feel around me is more fear. I feel the presence of Jesus mainlt when two or three are together. When I'm with ppl. Like this, I'm not sure what to turn to, what to trust.
