Not all of us suffer from your tunnel vision. Your black and white world view. Some of us are capable of nuanced thinking and contingent beliefs.
In a philosophical discussion or debate, one makes a choice as to what the truth is, and then defends it's establishment. We all are ambivalent about a great many things. Which is WHY philosophy forces us to take a stand on the truth, and defend it. Atheism is one of those philosophical truth positions that one chooses to promote and defend, or not to. If you choose to promote and defend it, then you are an atheist. And your nuanced ambivalence is irrelevant to this simple fact. It can't be used to excuse you from defending the truth claim that you otherwise adopt and promote.
This isn't my being "black and white", it's my being logical, and reasonable, and my expecting others to be logical and reasonable, as well. And honest. I expect others to be honest about what truths they hold over others, and promote. Meaning I expect them to claim them, and defend them, like forthright human beings.
There are lots of things I believe are probably true. Some I find extremely probable, like God is a human construct like wizards and dragons and fairies. But if somebody came up with a reason to believe differently I would.
It is not the responsibility of other people to enlighten you. It is your responsibility to enlighten yourself. What should I think of a man that sits in his biased righteousness and waits for someone else to come along and break him free of it, even as he fights to maintain it? What would YOU think of such a person?
It is exactly when we are the most convinced of our being right that we should be the most wary of it. Philosophy doesn't force us to defend our positions so as to maintain our righteousness, it does so precisely because we are (or should be) wary of it.
In the meantime, I don't believe that anybody knows about God. People make claims all the time, but they apparently cannot back those claims up with any evidence I can distinguish from hallucinations or delusions or ancient hearsay from primitive people.
But being a theist isn't about what anyone knows. It's about trusting in various metaphysical possibilities, and how acting on that trust effects our lives. It's about faith, not knowledge. Why do atheists persistently refuse to understand this? The answer is that they are invested in sitting in their bias, and so ignore any information that might cause them to have to reconsider it.
And I know a lot about modern apologetics, it's mostly irrational attempts to make primitive old ideas fit modern ideas. I believe that is because modern ideas are so much more sophisticated than the primitive ideas, but the primitive ideas are more comforting to most people and support the power and elitism of the rest.
That's just biased gibberish. Science and money have provided people far more "comfort and power" than religion ever has, and I don't see you rejecting them as irrelevant nonsense. And religion is not theism. Nor are religions, god. So your rejection of religion is doubly irrelevant to the debate between theism and atheism.