How many lovers?

[Pah]

I suppose putting a number on it ignores the quality of the relationships one has, and focuses instead on the quantity. It makes me wonder why that ancient culture we discussed in my anthropology class ever bothered to specify that women have 2 or 3 lovers before marriage and none after.

How many classes should one have to graduate? Should sex be "on-the-job" training? Should emotional commitment to a previous lover be discounted?

Just some thoughts

 

[Rex]

This is a very subjective personal question. It can vary between everyone.

But for someone to say they have a better relationship with their spouse b/c they are the only ones to have slept together then they are wrong and being judgemental.

 

[BUDDY]

This is a very subjective personal question. It can vary between everyone.

But for someone to say they have a better relationship with their spouse b/c they are the only ones to have slept together then they are wrong and being judgemental.

They are cetainly being opinionated, but I am not sure that they are being judgemental. No one has said that to have more than one is wrong, they just say that it wouldn't have been the healthy thing for them and that their particular relationship is stronger because of it.

As far as the question goes, I think a lot of it has to do with maturity. For those who don't believe as I do (that there is one women for one man and vice versa), just make sure that you are mature enough to deal with the responsibility that comes with committing yourself physically to another person, and them to you. Sex is an important step in a relationship, and as long as it is regarded with such you should be okay. In the end though, I really think that monogamy is not only healthy, but will make your sexual relationship stronger once you have found the right person.

 

[angellous_evangellous]

How many lovers?
It's quality not quantity.

I just wanted everyone to know that I read this one backwards twice before I got it.

"Quantity not Quality" no, that can't be right

"Quantity not Quality" what the heck?!

"Quality not Quantity" whew

 

[Mr Spinkles]

Right now though, I only want one lover. Whacha!

Oh boy oh boy I hope it's me I hope it's me.....

 

[Melody]

In fact all my friends and myself included felt quite the opposite, we'd look back on all our ex's and think, "Dang, I'm glad I didn't sleep with him!!"

:biglaugh: :biglaugh:

 

[linwood]

What's the best number of lovers for a person to have during his or her lifetime? What's the least number of lovers you should have? What's the largest number of lovers you should have?

As many as they want.

Do spouses count as lovers?

I hope so .

 

[Melody]

These sound like very good attractors in a long-term relationship. Are you sure they are entirely relvant to a sexual encounter?

The first one I agree with, attraction is the most important for me. On emotional terms I don't think love is important at all. A bit of chemistry is good, like mental foreplay, it definitely improves the standard. Intellectual exchange, in my experience adds nothing to the pleasure.

Total reverse for me. I met my husband on the internet back when that was still a rarity and people used te internet more for business and less for personal reasons. We didn't share pictures and met sight unseen after talking for hours on the internet and the phone for 3 months. So I can honestly say I fell in love with his mind. In fact, he is the total opposite in looks than I'm usually attracted to but it was too late. I already loved him.....but I still think he's adorable in a somewhat trollish way (think nerdy professor with a beard).

I'm rambling....for me, love and intellectual exchange go hand in hand. Looks come in second...or maybe third.

 

[Majikthise]

I think you should have fun while your young with as many like minded people as you can.Meaning of coarse, sex.I know quite a few people with failed marriages because a few years into it they started to wonder what life would be like if they had done things differently.I myself was divorced twice while still in my mid 20s.Those I know who got maried in their 30s after living life in their 20s have what appear to be good marriages.So maybe you should wait until your ready for marriage and experience other things first.Myself ,I got around but I've always been hardwired for marriage.When the mid-life crisis idea rears it's ugly head ,I can think back on what life was like before and apprecite my current situation.Everything,good and bad , led me to where I am now.

no regrets.

 

[mrscardero]

What's the best number of lovers for a person to have during his or her lifetime? What's the least number of lovers you should have? What's the largest number of lovers you should have?

How many fingers and toes do you have? Might wanna borrow someone elses hands and feet . Seriously though...I don't really have a set number of lovers I will have in my lifetime. I don't have a goal or a black book so I would have to say, how ever many appears. (Safely ofcourse)

I recall from an anthropology class that one culture used to say a woman should have 2 or 3 lovers before marriage, and none afterwards. What do you think of that view?

What about men? Are women the only ones that are to have 2-3 lovers before marriage and none afterwards? Does this mean that men should have more than 3 and also after marriage?

What do I think of this view? Don't matter to me. It's the experience you get out of it. (Safely ofcourse)

The "none afterwards" kind of made me think. My feelings on this is that even though I am married, carrdero is not mine to tell whether he should or should not have lovers after we are married. He is his own person. He can make decisions on his own.

Do spouses count as lovers? Your opinions, please.

Why shouldn't they?

I am open minded.

Well, actually, if you want to get pedantic (which is something I never do ), a more precise statement would be "however many lovers you want, who also want you".

I agree...It takes two, three, four, etc. to tango

 

[Yerda]

Total reverse for me. I met my husband on the internet back when that was still a rarity and people used te internet more for business and less for personal reasons. We didn't share pictures and met sight unseen after talking for hours on the internet and the phone for 3 months. So I can honestly say I fell in love with his mind. In fact, he is the total opposite in looks than I'm usually attracted to but it was too late. I already loved him.....but I still think he's adorable in a somewhat trollish way (think nerdy professor with a beard).

I'm rambling....for me, love and intellectual exchange go hand in hand. Looks come in second...or maybe third.

I think I'd probably agree with you Melody.

However, Druidus and I were discussing what he thinks is relevant to a sexual encounter, without these 'connections' it seems meaningless to him. Whereas I'm of the opinion that intellectual exchange adds nothing to the pleasure of sex.

I would say a mental connection is vitally important to a relationship deeper than sex only.

 

[johnnys4life]

This is a very subjective personal question. It can vary between everyone.

But for someone to say they have a better relationship with their spouse b/c they are the only ones to have slept together then they are wrong and being judgemental.

Wow, you just said that we were "wrong" and then claimed that we were the ones being judgemental.

I don't "think" I have a better relationship with my husband because he's my first and only, I know it. He is already insecure and a little jealous over the people I kissed before him! He never kissed anybody else! He already gets insecure about *other* things, the situation would only be amplified if he knew I had a basis for comparisons.

And BTW, one of the guys in particular I kissed before was a lot better at it than my husband, (don't tell!!!) and I sometimes find myself thinking about that and kind of resenting him, very bad between people who truly love each other, especially since I don't want to have anything to do with that other guy again ever in my life!!!

 

[Rex]

Wow, you just said that we were "wrong" and then claimed that we were the ones being judgemental.

I don't "think" I have a better relationship with my husband because he's my first and only, I know it. He is already insecure and a little jealous over the people I kissed before him! He never kissed anybody else! He already gets insecure about *other* things, the situation would only be amplified if he knew I had a basis for comparisons.

And BTW, one of the guys in particular I kissed before was a lot better at it than my husband, (don't tell!!!) and I sometimes find myself thinking about that and kind of resenting him, very bad between people who truly love each other, especially since I don't want to have anything to do with that other guy again ever in my life!!!

Yes they would be wrong, b/c this topic is subjective. Of course everone is going to say they know and they are right which is true, but to you they are wrong.

And you may think your relationship is better but you will never know for truth. I know my sig. other and myself have had past lovers and this doesn't hurt me one bit and nor makes me insecure about any actions that she or I do. That is not the type of people we are. Some people are and that is fine.

I don't think there is a scoring system to love. Either you have it, or you don't.