How much freedom to give the kids?

[ScottySatan]

When I was a kid, it was the mid and late 80's. I lived in a rural area surrounded by forest and beach. I had video games but they weren't very good back then, so I mostly played outside with my friends. When I was 8, I had a lock-blade pocket knife with a 5 inch blade. I had a forged steel hatchet, the kind you chopped logs with. I had a compound bow with arrows having pointy aluminium tips. I had an air rifle. I had a baseball bat. I would strap all that stuff to my chest and run out into the woods to play war with the other kids, armed to the teeth with these potentially lethal weapons. We would try our hardest to shoot each other in the junk with that stuff. I'd sometimes end up playing a couple of miles away from the house, parent's would have no idea where I was.

I'm really thankful for that childhood, and yes, I think kids today are sissies.

But now I have a two year-old boy who also likes to be as dangerous as he can be. And to turn him loose the way I was seems unthinkable; partly because we live in a city. I remember a stereotype, though, of children in old-timey Brooklyn getting together in the street for unsupervised stickball. Did that really happen? I don't see anything like that going on today; only little league games where adults outnumber kids.

I think it's important for a kid to experience danger, risk, conflict without the parental safety-net.

I'm looking for input. How much freedom do you give the kids in 2013?

 

[Skwim]

Enough freedom to make harmless mistakes.

 

[Sunstone]

Enough freedom to make harmless mistakes.

I think at some point rather early on, you need to give them enough reign that it risks their making harmful mistakes. That is, to me the current culture of helicopter parenting is rather overdoing it -- although I do understand some of the influences at work in creating that culture are beyond the power of parents to do anything about.

 

[apophenia]

I think at some point rather early on, you need to give them enough reign that it risks their making harmful mistakes. That is, to me the current culture of helicopter parenting is rather overdoing it -- although I do understand some of the influences at work in creating that culture are beyond the power of parents to do anything about.

Agree. Though it is damned hard sometimes to watch on as the grandkids start climbing challenging cliffs and trees.
I don't like the survival odds of 'helicoptered' kids. Kids who have never been injured don't even know what the envelope is, let alone how to push it.

Still not sure about unsupervised internet access, but I can see there is no stopping it. Kids always outsmart the oldies at least some of the time. If they don't, you've probably ruined them, or failed to educate them at all.

I expect that either my grandkid's generation, or the next, will have to choose whether or not to get direct-neural-interface interconnectivity surgically implanted.

At least, I hope they are free to choose ... but it may be impossible to function socially without it, so teaching them the fundamentals of hacking is probably a good idea. Why leave that to the criminals ?

 

[Me Myself]

It probably changes from kid to kid.

Like, part of me thinks it would be awesome to be a parent, but honestly, in today`s enviroment... I am scared ***tless of the prospect

 

[LuisDantas]

I don't think it depends a lot on the kids themselves, frankly.

I do believe that we have reached a dangerous level of isolationism and low social cooperation, though.

 

[AdityaMookerjee]

The freedom that adults enjoy, should be the privilege of children too. Are we sure, that we aren't worried about our children, in our mind, when we are actually worrying about ourselves?

 

[MysticSang'ha]

People in past generations were more at ease with letting young children go for hours on end without knowing where they were because of the neighborly attitude of entire communities and knowing that somehow, somewhere, their kids were close to someone they could trust. People generally don't even know their neighbors' names anymore. It's why, I think, we have parents who want to know exactly where their kids are at every minute of the day.

We also have young generations who hold very different views on same sex relationships and marijuana when compared to elder generations. Young generations also have ample opportunity to watch pornography on the internet. We ought to keep in mind that tolerance of GLBTQs, marijuana, and the easy accessibility of porn are all still taboo with entire generations still alive today. And therefore the generation gap exists with the worry that what was typically hidden or demonized in years past is suddenly everywhere with kids.

 

[ScottySatan]

I guess I'm looking for examples of what you would go along with and what you wouldn't

 

[MysticSang'ha]

I guess I'm looking for examples of what you would go along with and what you wouldn't

Oh, sorry about that.

I have found myself different from the average parent in a few ways with freedom -

- I allowed the kids to handle knives when they were younger. I taught them how to chop veggies and fruit, how to peel potatoes, etc. The youngest is 14. None of the kids ever cut themselves, and in fact, I've cut myself numerous times since then.

- Nudity was and is ok. We allowed them to establish their own definition of modesty, and encouraged them to work it out when their definitions conflicted with each other. We have seen in the end everyone okay with just underwear on, and the whole family thinks nothing of it.

- I nursed on demand, without a lot of goo-goo-ing with them as babies and toddlers, and I let them wean on their own. Nursing was available, but I rarely talked with them while relaxing in a rocking chair....typically I had them in a hands free carrier and went about the rest of my day. There was also no pushing, just had the idea that eventually they'll figure it out they don't need it anymore. They did, and weaned right around the average age of weaning worldwide around 3 or 4 years. They don't have any memories of nursing, either, which I find fascinating, since they have other memories when they were that age.

- I did the same thing with sleeping through the night and potty training. I figured if they need me, they'll find me, and eventually they will not need me at all anymore. By 5-6 years, their sleeping habits were soundly established. No sleeping problems, and I knew which child was an early bird and which was a night owl and tweak expectations for any routines based on their wiring.

- If I took the kids to a playground, I would play with them initially, but they found themselves either much more interested in finding other kids or with just discovering plants and bugs around them alone. Again, I saw their frustrations build when I was overly involved with their play, and I found myself finding happier, more social, and more curious kiddos when I would remove myself from their play and just be available if they needed me...(this is becoming a recurring theme, eh?)

- I adjusted my "watch" over the kids to several blocks, rather than just a couple dozen feet. I noticed that if I just let them go on their own, it really upset other parents much more than anything else, so I found myself adjusting how I watch them with a much larger scope instead. It's simple awareness, but it does take practice. I used to take them out to small trail heads and let them roam while I practiced letting them go further and further away and maintaining that awareness of where they are what they are doing without that close proximity.

I'm a big believer in individual freedom. But I also don't believe in pushing people away to enforce a "freedom". The kids with much of their decision making, thoughts, beliefs, political views, etc always have the door open to venture out into. But the door swings both ways....meaning the door is always open to me as their mom if they need me. And as time has passed, they have needed me less and less and less.

 

[Pagan_Patriot]

My parents didn't give me much, so I'm just going to join the military lol.

 

[Manzila]

I think it depends upon the nature of the children. And how they handle their freedom. Comparing to previous days children of today are getting much more freedom. The only thing is that they should handle in correct way.