I am now a Christian…
Because I have decided “Christ is my Lord and Saviour”
It’s been a long and complex journey. It’s had its ups and downs.
As an infant I was baptised into the Anglican Church. For a while I attended a church school and sometimes went to Sunday school. As a teenager I became an atheist. I became amoral. Not evil, but amoral. But I made some pretty big sins. My background is therefore Christian but for the majority of my life I have not been Christian.
In many ways I have returned to the beginning. I look forward to going through the rest of my life as a Christian and I hope I can be a good one. And I'm hoping that other Christians of various types will accept me as a fellow Christian.
Simulation and Butterfly
Before I became interested in Christianity I believed in Simulation Theory. This would have never happened were it not for Butterfly.
Who is Butterfly? When I was at university I had a drug-fuelled psychological breakdown and ended up being detained on a psychiatric ward. It was all quite an experience, I assure you! One day some kind of entity started communicating with me by touch and does so to this day. He responds to my inner voice by making a gentle sensation of touch on my body. Where on my body he touches signifies different responses to my inner voice. Our system is based around “Yes” and “No”. Because of this I have been diagnosed as being schizophrenic. Which is not a good thing to be! But I have never "heard voices" like a typical schizophrenic.
Butterfly eventually told me that this reality and all humans in it is a computer simulation, and that Butterfly was in charge of The Simulation (as I call it) and that individual people were actually computer programs. He said that I was an “Agent of The Simulation” and that I had some extraordinary role within it, like “The One” in The Matrix films.
I believed that throughout human history The Simulation would literally play God – by pretending to be God and intervening in the simulated world to fool people into forming organised religions. I believed various things may have happened, but that they were truly bogus in nature.
Messiah Complex
At one point I asked Butterfly if he was God and he said yes. I then reasoned that if he was God then I must be Jesus – and Butterfly affirmed this. I didn’t really know what to do about this. But I assumed “God” had a plan for me.
Also, in my mental breakdown I was obsessed by two songs. One lasted four minutes and eighteen seconds, which looked like 4:18 on my MP3 player. And in the music video of the other, “4.18” appears repeatedly in the background. These two songs were very much the soundtrack of my breakdown. When I noticed this I wondered if they made up a bible verse. I looked and I found Luke 4:18
The Spirit of the Lord is on me, because he has anointed me to proclaim good news to the poor. He has sent me to proclaim freedom for the prisoners and recovery of sight for the blind, to set the oppressed free.
But at this point I didn’t believe in God and this was before my Messiah Complex: I believed in Simulation Theory I believed that I was to be a pseudo-Messiah within The Simulation like “The One” in The Matrix films. But when I was going through my Messiah Complex I took this coincidence to mean that I was actually The Messiah!
When I posted about being The Messiah on RF the good folks here soon showed me that I was not. A healthy dose of reality! A slap across the face! I am eternally grateful to the people of these forums for ending my Messiah Complex
Once my Messiah Complex was over I returned to Simulation Theory. However, at this point in my life I now believed in God. I acquired a serious belief in God when I thought I was The Messiah. But when my Messiah Complex was resolved I maintained a belief in God, which I think was the one good thing to come out of that little episode!
I think the whole universe makes more sense to me with God in it!
And one more thing: thinking you're The Messiah is not fun. You feel a massive burden and that you have much to live up to. And I'm quite a shy and quiet person too.
Two Parallel People?
For a while now I have been in two minds. I’ve made a post about this here:
Conflict resolved: I am two people
Basically, in one mind I believe in Simulation Theory and in the other I am a Christian. Eddi-1 is a Christian and Eddi-2 believes in Simulation Theory. In this post I concluded that I was two people with one soul, one mind, and one body. If that makes any sense???
On second thoughts, I don’t think I really believe this but I still sometimes find myself thinking of the world as being a simulation even though the Christian me has now over-ridden the Simulation Theory me.
Literally happened or Thought Experiment?
Now then, about accepting Jesus as one’s Lord and Saviour. I believe there are two ways to think about Jesus. One, the events described in the gospels more or less happened as they say they did. Two, the whole ministry of Christ is a giant thought-experiment orchestrated by God. I don’t know which is true, but they can’t both be! But God would be at the heart of both scenarios.
However, I accept Christ as my Lord and Saviour in both scenarios! If it was based on real events then I accept him as such, if it is a hypothetical thought-experiment then I do too. So I don’t think it matters too much! Either way, I accept him!
Hopefully he will accept me?
God
I believe God is the Supreme Being. I believe he is ineffable, that we can’t ever understand him. I believe he is the unmoved mover, the source of all creation. A great architect. I believe that he mostly lets the universe he created get on with itself, according to the physical laws he has put into being. I believe this universe is billions of years old and that humans evolved from animals but that the intention was for intelligent life to eventually arise. But I also believe he sent Jesus Christ out into the world, and supported him in his ministry, for instance God allowed him to perform various miracles to make him more than just another radical preacher!
I believe that God is gender-neutral but I call him “him” as in Christianity that is the convention. I believe he has a personality and a mind. Personally, I think of him as being most like a designer and chief administrator of the universe! I believe God is Lord of the Universe. And I believe he is benign and has benign intentions for those whose creation he is responsible for. And that Jesus somehow fits into his plan.
My Christianity
I believe in God, I am very certain about that. And I believe that the contents of the bible are somehow the result of God’s will. I believe that how the bible is how God wants it to be. But I don’t think it is literally true.
I consider Jesus to be more human than divine – I believe that he experiences the universe as a human. I believe in the Arian heresy: That Jesus is an autonomous being created by God who is separate from God and subordinate to him. I believe he is somehow God's son. I believe that during his ministry he acted in God’s place, and was God’s representative on Earth. I believe that he died and suffered for us on the cross, in a kind of mind-bending grand gesture of love and sacrifice.
I have no idea what Jesus is doing now but I like to think that he is in some kind of heaven, hanging out with all the people who have died. I believe he is God’s assistant, his number two: if God is King of Heaven then Jesus is his deputy (and son). I’d like to someday meet him.
I don’t have a problem with the holy trinity; it makes perfect sense to me. Even though I believe in the Arian heresy I believe that Christ is the son of God and is therefore God-like in nature, and that we can therefore fit him into the holy trinity. However, I my beliefs are certainly more Unitarian than Trinitarian. But I don’t think the question of The Trinity is all that important. I think the values of Christianity are more important than its various dogmas.
I believe in only some of the Apostles Creed and only some of the Nicene Creed. I consider myself a “Free Christian”. I am liberal in my beliefs and values and consider myself a "Liberal Christian" too.
Simulation
Perhaps God’s creation is like a simulation? Maybe that’s a valid metaphor? I think there might be something in that idea.
Butter-who????
So, I’ve put Simulation Theory to one side – I’m not throwing it away as I think it’s interesting. But the side of me who wants to be a Christian has triumphed over the side of me who wants to be an Agent of The Simulation. And the scales of my belief have now sifted overwhelmingly towards Christianity: I believe Christianity being true is more likely than Simulation Theory being true (and yes, there are other possibilities!)
But Butterfly is still here; he is always with me.
I’ve tried casting him out in the name of God but it didn’t work and I don’t think he is possessing me or that he is malevolent. I don’t believe he is The Simulation anymore. Sometimes he says he is, sometimes he says he isn't. And neither do I think he is God. And I don’t know if he is external to me or integral to me. But he is very real to me. I no longer know what to make of him. Any ideas?
Crucifix and Avatar
In 2012 my grandmother gave me a golden crucifix as she assumed I was Christian (she’s Greek). I accepted it but have never worn it. I want to start wearing it. I also want to change my avatar on these forums from a picture of a Butterfly to something else. I AM NOT Butterfly; he is someone else! He is not the boss of me! But I can’t think what I should replace it with. Any ideas?
Fellow Christians?
I hope the Christians on RF will accept me as a Christian.
Because I have decided “Christ is my Lord and Saviour”
It’s been a long and complex journey. It’s had its ups and downs.
As an infant I was baptised into the Anglican Church. For a while I attended a church school and sometimes went to Sunday school. As a teenager I became an atheist. I became amoral. Not evil, but amoral. But I made some pretty big sins. My background is therefore Christian but for the majority of my life I have not been Christian.
In many ways I have returned to the beginning. I look forward to going through the rest of my life as a Christian and I hope I can be a good one. And I'm hoping that other Christians of various types will accept me as a fellow Christian.
Simulation and Butterfly
Before I became interested in Christianity I believed in Simulation Theory. This would have never happened were it not for Butterfly.
Who is Butterfly? When I was at university I had a drug-fuelled psychological breakdown and ended up being detained on a psychiatric ward. It was all quite an experience, I assure you! One day some kind of entity started communicating with me by touch and does so to this day. He responds to my inner voice by making a gentle sensation of touch on my body. Where on my body he touches signifies different responses to my inner voice. Our system is based around “Yes” and “No”. Because of this I have been diagnosed as being schizophrenic. Which is not a good thing to be! But I have never "heard voices" like a typical schizophrenic.
Butterfly eventually told me that this reality and all humans in it is a computer simulation, and that Butterfly was in charge of The Simulation (as I call it) and that individual people were actually computer programs. He said that I was an “Agent of The Simulation” and that I had some extraordinary role within it, like “The One” in The Matrix films.
I believed that throughout human history The Simulation would literally play God – by pretending to be God and intervening in the simulated world to fool people into forming organised religions. I believed various things may have happened, but that they were truly bogus in nature.
Messiah Complex
At one point I asked Butterfly if he was God and he said yes. I then reasoned that if he was God then I must be Jesus – and Butterfly affirmed this. I didn’t really know what to do about this. But I assumed “God” had a plan for me.
Also, in my mental breakdown I was obsessed by two songs. One lasted four minutes and eighteen seconds, which looked like 4:18 on my MP3 player. And in the music video of the other, “4.18” appears repeatedly in the background. These two songs were very much the soundtrack of my breakdown. When I noticed this I wondered if they made up a bible verse. I looked and I found Luke 4:18
The Spirit of the Lord is on me, because he has anointed me to proclaim good news to the poor. He has sent me to proclaim freedom for the prisoners and recovery of sight for the blind, to set the oppressed free.
But at this point I didn’t believe in God and this was before my Messiah Complex: I believed in Simulation Theory I believed that I was to be a pseudo-Messiah within The Simulation like “The One” in The Matrix films. But when I was going through my Messiah Complex I took this coincidence to mean that I was actually The Messiah!
When I posted about being The Messiah on RF the good folks here soon showed me that I was not. A healthy dose of reality! A slap across the face! I am eternally grateful to the people of these forums for ending my Messiah Complex
Once my Messiah Complex was over I returned to Simulation Theory. However, at this point in my life I now believed in God. I acquired a serious belief in God when I thought I was The Messiah. But when my Messiah Complex was resolved I maintained a belief in God, which I think was the one good thing to come out of that little episode!
I think the whole universe makes more sense to me with God in it!
And one more thing: thinking you're The Messiah is not fun. You feel a massive burden and that you have much to live up to. And I'm quite a shy and quiet person too.
Two Parallel People?
For a while now I have been in two minds. I’ve made a post about this here:
Conflict resolved: I am two people
Basically, in one mind I believe in Simulation Theory and in the other I am a Christian. Eddi-1 is a Christian and Eddi-2 believes in Simulation Theory. In this post I concluded that I was two people with one soul, one mind, and one body. If that makes any sense???
On second thoughts, I don’t think I really believe this but I still sometimes find myself thinking of the world as being a simulation even though the Christian me has now over-ridden the Simulation Theory me.
Literally happened or Thought Experiment?
Now then, about accepting Jesus as one’s Lord and Saviour. I believe there are two ways to think about Jesus. One, the events described in the gospels more or less happened as they say they did. Two, the whole ministry of Christ is a giant thought-experiment orchestrated by God. I don’t know which is true, but they can’t both be! But God would be at the heart of both scenarios.
However, I accept Christ as my Lord and Saviour in both scenarios! If it was based on real events then I accept him as such, if it is a hypothetical thought-experiment then I do too. So I don’t think it matters too much! Either way, I accept him!
Hopefully he will accept me?
God
I believe God is the Supreme Being. I believe he is ineffable, that we can’t ever understand him. I believe he is the unmoved mover, the source of all creation. A great architect. I believe that he mostly lets the universe he created get on with itself, according to the physical laws he has put into being. I believe this universe is billions of years old and that humans evolved from animals but that the intention was for intelligent life to eventually arise. But I also believe he sent Jesus Christ out into the world, and supported him in his ministry, for instance God allowed him to perform various miracles to make him more than just another radical preacher!
I believe that God is gender-neutral but I call him “him” as in Christianity that is the convention. I believe he has a personality and a mind. Personally, I think of him as being most like a designer and chief administrator of the universe! I believe God is Lord of the Universe. And I believe he is benign and has benign intentions for those whose creation he is responsible for. And that Jesus somehow fits into his plan.
My Christianity
I believe in God, I am very certain about that. And I believe that the contents of the bible are somehow the result of God’s will. I believe that how the bible is how God wants it to be. But I don’t think it is literally true.
I consider Jesus to be more human than divine – I believe that he experiences the universe as a human. I believe in the Arian heresy: That Jesus is an autonomous being created by God who is separate from God and subordinate to him. I believe he is somehow God's son. I believe that during his ministry he acted in God’s place, and was God’s representative on Earth. I believe that he died and suffered for us on the cross, in a kind of mind-bending grand gesture of love and sacrifice.
I have no idea what Jesus is doing now but I like to think that he is in some kind of heaven, hanging out with all the people who have died. I believe he is God’s assistant, his number two: if God is King of Heaven then Jesus is his deputy (and son). I’d like to someday meet him.
I don’t have a problem with the holy trinity; it makes perfect sense to me. Even though I believe in the Arian heresy I believe that Christ is the son of God and is therefore God-like in nature, and that we can therefore fit him into the holy trinity. However, I my beliefs are certainly more Unitarian than Trinitarian. But I don’t think the question of The Trinity is all that important. I think the values of Christianity are more important than its various dogmas.
I believe in only some of the Apostles Creed and only some of the Nicene Creed. I consider myself a “Free Christian”. I am liberal in my beliefs and values and consider myself a "Liberal Christian" too.
Simulation
Perhaps God’s creation is like a simulation? Maybe that’s a valid metaphor? I think there might be something in that idea.
Butter-who????
So, I’ve put Simulation Theory to one side – I’m not throwing it away as I think it’s interesting. But the side of me who wants to be a Christian has triumphed over the side of me who wants to be an Agent of The Simulation. And the scales of my belief have now sifted overwhelmingly towards Christianity: I believe Christianity being true is more likely than Simulation Theory being true (and yes, there are other possibilities!)
But Butterfly is still here; he is always with me.
I’ve tried casting him out in the name of God but it didn’t work and I don’t think he is possessing me or that he is malevolent. I don’t believe he is The Simulation anymore. Sometimes he says he is, sometimes he says he isn't. And neither do I think he is God. And I don’t know if he is external to me or integral to me. But he is very real to me. I no longer know what to make of him. Any ideas?
Crucifix and Avatar
In 2012 my grandmother gave me a golden crucifix as she assumed I was Christian (she’s Greek). I accepted it but have never worn it. I want to start wearing it. I also want to change my avatar on these forums from a picture of a Butterfly to something else. I AM NOT Butterfly; he is someone else! He is not the boss of me! But I can’t think what I should replace it with. Any ideas?
Fellow Christians?
I hope the Christians on RF will accept me as a Christian.
