I am pissed at my sister. (Mother's death, etc.)

[DawudTalut]

.... I do not know what to do. ....

Peace be on you.
Sorry in advance, if you do not like these solutions:
=Spread ash together with sister where she wants.
=Go and live nearby sister.
=Donate pets to proper place at Ohio place..
=Divide things with sister peacefully.
May you all be happy. Aameen.

 

[JustWondering]

Sorry for your loss SF and about your family situation.

 

[Laika]

There was no Will and there's the issue of whatever money my mom has left, too.

I hate to be hard-headed in your time of need, but you need to get in touch with a laywer who can set this process of settling your mothers estate in motion. It all depends on who gets legal custody of your mother's estate. My parents had to deal with their grandparents (my mum's side) estate when they passed away and it was a nightmare as they couldn't touch anything without breaking the law (this was in the UK, so the US may be a different matter). They actually wrote wills so that I don't have to go through the same process. you at least need to check as who gets the ashes may be a legal question as well as a family one.

otherwise, if you need someone to talk to- as limited as the internet is- you only have to ask. As overwhelming as your greif may feel now, please don't do anything "stupid". whilst you have more reason than most to feel sucicidal, you will be missed my freind. stay in touch, keep us updated and let off steam here as we all have problems and need people to share it with. you are not alone. we can't do much, but anything that makes it a little easier may just make a difference and keep your head above water.

god speed.

 

[Aupmanyav]

I've always loved reading your posts, and found you an insightful and thoughtful individual. I can tell you have a good head on your shoulders, and you do yourself an injustice by being so hard on yourself.

^^^

"Vāsāḿsi jīrṇāni yathā vihāya, navāni gṛihṇāti naro 'parāṇi
tathā śarīrāṇi vihāya jīrṇāny, anyāni saḿyāti navāni dehī."
Bhagawad Gita 2.22

As a person puts on new garments, giving up old ones, similarly it accepts new material forms, giving up the old and useless ones.

 

[MARCELLO]

My mom died from cancer, in a hospice, on Sunday. I'm all alone in Ohio and my sister is in California. She's the only family I have any contact with. Our mother is going to be cremated and now she wants the ashes. I had wanted to take the ashes. Now I don't know what to do and we're probably going to end up fighting about this. This is all a mess. There was no Will and there's the issue of whatever money my mom has left, too.

I have been a secluded, emotional wreck for the past week. I suffer from severe depression, anxiety and am pretty much a shut-in and that's just normally. My mom was pretty much the only person I had in this world. She was my support, my everything. Now she's gone and I don't know how to cope. I haven't really talked to anyone in person for over a week. There was/is no shoulder for me to cry on.

While I've been on the verge of losing it, my sister has been dealing with the financial stuff and the funeral home. She was mad at me yesterday because I hadn't called the funeral home to do the paperwork. I have been avoiding everything. I was terrified because I had no money to pay any bills and the water was going to be shut off on Monday. But some money came through and I was able to pay the water bill and a couple of other bills.

I am living in a duplex that should be condemned and I also have pets to take care of. I am not really able to cope with all of this. I don't have friends here or family out here to help me. My sister, social workers and a guy from our parish have been blowing up my phone with calls. It is all too overwhelming for me, so I have mostly been ignoring the phone. My mind cannot handle all of this and suicide has crossed my mind more than once this past week.

Now my sister wants to take my mom's remains and spread them in the ocean on her own. I wanted them and I wanted to spread them.

I am hurt by this. I do not know what to do. Everything is all ****ed up. I am very angry at myself for being such a failure and a wreck, too.

Just wait for a while. The Almighty will help you for all of these things. For your pets, don't worry,they can stay without proper food for weeks.They are not like us.

For your sister's actions;she has no right to do anything,you were the one taking care of her,who is she? . Where was she when you were sharing suffering with your mom?

I really hate relatives who pop in only death ceremonies to control everything as if they are involved in anything.

Ohh,Frank, you made me cry now. Just make sure that you were a perfect caring son to Linda.

You are more than perfect. I wish I were you.

 

[Smart_Guy]

Frank, what made you go thru everything before, can also make you go thru with this hardship. You know what that is? It's you! You're stronger than you think.

Is it possible to put the pets to adoption? I know it could be difficult for you, but you need to improvise. If yes but you still need them, consider keeping only one to keep you company.

Was your sister really angry or just upset? Consider opening up to her. Tell her you can't do stuff and that you need her. It is okay, she's family.

 

[RRex]

Saint,

I'm very sorry that you are still feeling so badly about your mother's passing.

As regards your mother's ashes, may I suggest that you split the ashes between you and your sister? Many many people have done this. I'm sure your mom won't mind.

Take care, Saint.

RRex