I can't understand why my dad is miserable ?

[Massimo2002]

My dad is so miserable and depressed but yet he doesn't even have much to be miserable and depressed about in the first place perhaps he is one of those narcissistic people that projects there unhappiness and frustration onto everyone else ?

 

[Unfettered]

My dad is so miserable and depressed but yet he doesn't even have much to be miserable and depressed about in the first place perhaps he is one of those narcissistic people that projects there unhappiness and frustration onto everyone else ?

Is your dad's lifestyle marked by sincere forgiveness of those who do him wrong, whether by accident or intentionally?

 

[Heyo]

My dad is so miserable and depressed but yet he doesn't even have much to be miserable and depressed about in the first place perhaps he is one of those narcissistic people that projects there unhappiness and frustration onto everyone else ?

Maybe it is a purely physical illness?
The reigning theory of depression is a lack of neurotransmitters, especially serotonin and dopamine. I have chronic, recurring depression and most of the time there is no, or just a benign, reason for being depressed.

 

[Massimo2002]

Is your dad's lifestyle marked by sincere forgiveness of those who do him wrong, whether by accident or intentionally?

I would say no.

 

[Massimo2002]

Maybe it is a purely physical illness?
The reigning theory of depression is a lack of neurotransmitters, especially serotonin and dopamine. I have chronic, recurring depression and most of the time there is no, or just a benign, reason for being depressed.

There is nothing wrong physically with my dad so it has to be mental but I wonder what it is Perhaps OCD Or Depression Or Both ? What really sucks is just like my mom he won't tell me if he has any mental illnesses.

 

[Unfettered]

I would say no.

In his relationships does he disregard the requests of others to respect personal boundaries? For example, if he refers to you using a disparaging term and you ask him to not use that term when talking to you, does he stop doing it, or does he continue to use the disparaging term?

 

[Massimo2002]

In his relationships does he disregard the requests of others to respect personal boundaries? For example, if he refers to you using a disparaging term and you ask him to not use that term when talking to you, does he stop doing it, or does he continue to use the disparaging term?

No he doesn't do that but he always puts me down for example he will always look for some imperfections that I have and use it against me. I live with him and almost everyday that he comes home from work he will dismiss things that I am interested in or he will say that I didn't do so and so properly.

 

[Unfettered]

No he doesn't do that but he always puts me down for example he will always look for some imperfections that I have and use it against me. I live with him and almost everyday that he comes home from work he will dismiss things that I am interested in or he will say that I didn't do so and so properly.

Have you asked him to not do that?

 

[Heyo]

There is nothing wrong physically with my dad so it has to be mental but I wonder what it is Perhaps OCD Or Depression Or Both ? What really sucks is just like my mom he won't tell me if he has any mental illnesses.

Has he been tested for serotonin deficiency? Or how do you know his depression isn't physical? Has he been tested for depression anyway?

 

[Massimo2002]

Has he been tested for serotonin deficiency? Or how do you know his depression isn't physical? Has he been tested for depression anyway?

He hasn't been tested and I think that he is physically fine unless he is desperately trying to hide it.

 

[Massimo2002]

Have you asked him to not do that?

Yes and he just yells and goes on a tirade against me.

 

[Unfettered]

Yes and he just yells and goes on a tirade against me.

Then the answer to my earlier question about not respecting boundaries in relationships is clearly "yes." Meaning, he does not respect boundaries.

Was he abused as a child?

 

[Massimo2002]

Then the answer to my earlier question about not respecting boundaries in relationships is clearly "yes." Meaning, he does not respect boundaries.

Was he abused as a child?

I have no idea he never gets specific about his life before me it's like as though he is hiding something I don't get it ? Like he talks about his life before me but it's always veauge such as I worked when I was your age and he says that he partied a little and his parents would scold him but that's mostly about it.

 

[Unfettered]

I have no idea he never gets specific about his life before me it's like as though he is hiding something I don't get it ? Like he talks about his life before me but it's always veauge such as I worked when I was your age and he says that he partied a little and his parents would scold him but that's mostly about it.

Are your parents together today? Married?

 

[Massimo2002]

Are your parents together today? Married?

No they aren't together and they never got married I remember when I was little that they tried briefly to live together but that failed because they kept yelling and arguing with eachother.

 

[SalixIncendium]

My dad is so miserable and depressed but yet he doesn't even have much to be miserable and depressed about in the first place perhaps he is one of those narcissistic people that projects there unhappiness and frustration onto everyone else ?

What was his response when you asked him directly?

 

[wellwisher]

After reading the comments, questions and answers, my gut tells me, your Dad has spent his life doing what was expected of him; man of the house taking care of material needs of others; spiritual wife, family, job, house, etc. Now he is feeling depleted and needs to take care of himself. However, he is still obligated by the needs of others. Depression often occurs when you are stuck between rock and a hard place; tires spinning in the mud.

His situation is not easy to change. If gets up and leaves to find the new me time, he will still need to work to support one house, plus other living arrangement for the new me. Working two jobs may not allow the extra free time to explore these other options. His life is simpler where he is, but within the context of dad and husband, the new him is harder to realize, since it can be disruptive to others who depend on him.

I can sort of understand since he sounds like my own father, who worked hard each day, year after year, always home after work for dinner. He constantly had the pressure of supporting an ever growing family, that had its ups and downs, with little private time for himself beyond just sitting quietly or reading the paper. As the years passed, he would come home stressed, to another place of a different set of home stresses. He seem to make it through, but with less and less smiles as the years passed.

He changed after he retired, when he was able to remove work stress and have more free time at his home; hobbies. My guess is your dad needs some free time, at home, which is not perfect enough to recharge, due to work. it sounds like he is not ready to retire, but my guess is that when he does, he will smile again; his male mission is completed.

 

[PureX]

The most important thing to keep in mind is that your dad's state of mind and behavior is not your fault. No matter what he says. He is an adult, and he is responsible for maintaining his own mental health. And for NOT dumping his emotional baggage on you or on anyone else.

It's a hard thing caring about someone that is not caring for themselves because it's so easy to get sucked into their self-neglect. And to feel like it's our job to fix them. And to exhaust ourselves trying. And then blame ourselves for failing.

Be careful not to do that. It's actually better for you and him both if you don't let yourself be dragged into his negativity. Or be made to feel responsible for it. He needs to take responsibility for it, himself, and do something about it, himself,

My two cents, for whatever it's worth.

 

[Massimo2002]

What was his response when you asked him directly?

He said he is not depressed.

 

[Massimo2002]

After reading the comments, questions and answers, my gut tells me, your Dad has spent his life doing what was expected of him; man of the house taking care of material needs of others; spiritual wife, family, job, house, etc. Now he is feeling depleted and needs to take care of himself. However, he is still obligated by the needs of others. Depression often occurs when you are stuck between rock and a hard place; tires spinning in the mud.

His situation is not easy to change. If gets up and leaves to find the new me time, he will still need to work to support one house, plus other living arrangement for the new me. Working two jobs may not allow the extra free time to explore these other options. His life is simpler where he is, but within the context of dad and husband, the new him is harder to realize, since it can be disruptive to others who depend on him.

I can sort of understand since he sounds like my own father, who worked hard each day, year after year, always home after work for dinner. He constantly had the pressure of supporting an ever growing family, that had its ups and downs, with little private time for himself beyond just sitting quietly or reading the paper. As the years passed, he would come home stressed, to another place of a different set of home stresses. He seem to make it through, but with less and less smiles as the years passed.

He changed after he retired, when he was able to remove work stress and have more free time at his home; hobbies. My guess is your dad needs some free time, at home, which is not perfect enough to recharge, due to work. it sounds like he is not ready to retire, but my guess is that when he does, he will smile again; his male mission is completed.

That's probably it my dad is a workaholic and I can tell that it's definitely bringing him down.