@Seeker of White Light, this post might come as something of a surprise -- or maybe a challenge, perhaps even a threat. I've no idea how you'll receive it. But this is the one time I'm going to lay my thinking all out before you. I hope it's not too horrifying.
I've been reading your posts for quite some time, and you seem to be on a search. But it seems to me that you don't actually know what it is you are searching for. You examine this believe, or that thought, or some scriptures you don't fully grasp -- and think, "maybe that's what I want." And a while later, it seems, you find out, "no, that's not quite what I'm looking for either."
And then you start again.
I'm going to suggest to you that you start (if possible) as Rene Descartes tried to start -- put aside everything you know, everything people have been telling you, everying the scriptures fight each other about and never agree upon -- and get to a place where you can figure out who YOU are. That's number one. That's where you begin. Descartes, in his
Pensees, did exactly that -- until he came to realize that there was one thing he thought he could know for certain: that because I am thinking, then I must exist!
Je pense, donc je suis. Cogito, ergo Sum, I think, therefore I am.
Unfortunately, once you've got there (and it's a long journey, as Descartes will tell you), you next have to ask yourself "who am I?" "What do I know?" What do I think about what I know?" "Why do I think it?"
And while you're doing that, you have to rule out ALL of the things that you do NOT know. Somebody may have told you about the "Great Spirit," or about Isis or Zeus or Jesus or Mohammed or Marshall Applewhite or David Koresh, Jim Jones, Buddha, Ahura Mazda, Quetzalcoatl, Joseph Smith -- or hundreds of others -- but YOU do not KNOW anything about them. Nothing at all.
But what do you know?
You know you exist (we did that Descartes, a couple of paragraphs ago). You know you have feelings, you know you seem real to yourself, you know you live among others who seem to share a lot of those things with you. You know how you would like to be treated by the others around you -- so you might ask yourself if that's something you should consider when dealing with them?
Start from scratch. Do some philosophy. Think. Stop trying to find things to believe in that always -- at least so far -- seem to leave you unsatisfied.