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I don't have friends, unless you count.

Trailblazer

Veteran Member
I have no friends in this city in real life. They've either moved to other states and some of them have died. I have no family, either. I'm estranged from every one of my relatives except my oldest sister in California, but she's disabled, and it's hard to think of our relationship as siblings because she was an adult by the time I was born. There's also been long periods of us not communicating with each other so we don't really know each other that well.
I have no friends in real life. I have no family, either. I only have one older brother who is still alive but we were never close. He now lives in Colorado and I have not heard from him since my late husband passed on in July 2022. I think he now has dementia, from what his wife told me back then.

I have one man I met on a dating site who has become my friend for the last 20 months and I have three friends on this forum, but I will probably never meet any of them in person since I can no longer travel, now that I am alone.

My counselor said I can go out and make friends but I told her I cannot do that. She never even bothered to ask me why I said that, she just insisted, as if she knows me better than I know myself. She also insists on other things about me that she is wrong about, and she has no compassion, so I plan to cancel my next appointment with her, and I don't know if I will make another appointment. The friends I do have online have been much more helpful and more kind and compassionate than she ever was.
 
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Regiomontanus

Eastern Orthodox
I have no friends in this city in real life. They've either moved to other states and some of them have died. I have no family, either. I'm estranged from every one of my relatives except my oldest sister in California, but she's disabled, and it's hard to think of our relationship as siblings because she was an adult by the time I was born. There's also been long periods of us not communicating with each other so we don't really know each other that well.

I think we could be friends. Keep hope alive.
 

Saint Frankenstein

Here for the ride
Premium Member
I have no friends in real life. I have no family, either. I only have one older brother who is still alive but we were never close. He now lives in Colorado and I have not heard from him since my late husband passed on in July 2022. I think he now has dementia, from what his wife told me back then.

I have one man I met on a dating site who has become my friend for the last 20 months and I have three friends on this forum, but I will probably never meet any of them in person since I can no longer travel, now that I am alone.

My counselor said I can go out and make friends but I told her I cannot do that. She never even bothered to ask me why I said that, she just insisted, as if she knows me better than I know myself. She also insists on other things about me that she is wrong about, and she has no compassion, so I plan to cancel my next appointment with her, and I don't know if I will make another appointment. The friends I do have online have been much more helpful and more kind and compassionate than she ever was.
I'm sorry to hear you have a terrible counselor. I hope you don't give up on finding a better one. It's very hit or miss. I picked out with my current therapist, who I really like, but I've had awful ones in the past that I had to replace.
 

JustGeorge

Imperfect
Staff member
Premium Member
I'm sorry to hear you have a terrible counselor. I hope you don't give up on finding a better one. It's very hit or miss. I picked out with my current therapist, who I really like, but I've had awful ones in the past that I had to replace.
I had the same one on and off for near two decades... I only stopped services because I lost my insurance.

I had kind of a weird one when I was a kid. I could tell she had issues. I was only going because my parents made me. I didn't really trust her.

I found out later I had good reason not to... She'd make up stories about what I would say to tell my dad(always what he wanted to hear).
 

Saint Frankenstein

Here for the ride
Premium Member
I think we could be friends. Keep hope alive.
Me, too. Thanks. I'm definitely trying not to give up. I plan on leaving this state soon so having friends here or not doesn't really matter now because I'm not going to be here for much longer. I'm going West like most of the people I've known who have left the state have. I'll make new friends elsewhere. This is the time for me to get things in order.
 

Regiomontanus

Eastern Orthodox
Me, too. Thanks. I'm definitely trying not to give up. I plan on leaving this state soon so having friends here or not doesn't really matter now because I'm not going to be here for much longer. I'm going West like most of the people I've known who have left the state have. I'll make new friends elsewhere. This is the time for me to get things in order.

Keep the faith. God loves you. If I can ever help you, msg me.

God bless
 

Truthseeker

Non-debating member when I can help myself
My counselor said I can go out and make friends but I told her I cannot do that. She never even bothered to ask me why I said that, she just insisted, as if she knows me better than I know myself. She also insists on other things about me that she is wrong about, and she has no compassion, so I plan to cancel my next appointment with her, and I don't know if I will make another appointment. The friends I do have online have been much more helpful and more kind and compassionate than she ever was.
I'm thinking this a different counselor than you had a while back that you liked. Am I right?
 

Trailblazer

Veteran Member
I'm thinking this a different counselor than you had a while back that you liked. Am I right?
No, it is the counselor that I had liked before I got the one I did not like.
She is the counselor that I got back after the one I did not like retired, but I do not like her anymore. Long story.
 

Truthseeker

Non-debating member when I can help myself
No, it is the counselor that I had liked before I got the one I did not like.
She is the counselor that I got back after the one I did not like retired, but I do not like her anymore. Long story.
I remember that you got got the old one back that you liked. It surprises me that you had falling out with her. The description doesn't fit the old description at all.
 

Trailblazer

Veteran Member
I remember that you got got the old one back that you liked. It surprises me that you had falling out with her. The description doesn't fit the old description at all.
As I said, it is a long story. Suffice to say we have reached an impasse.
She thinks he knows me and what I need to do and I disagree.
She thinks everything in my life can be explained by anxiety, but she is wrong.
 

It Aint Necessarily So

Veteran Member
Premium Member
I don't have friends, unless you count. What about you?
Apart from one another, my wife and I have one lifelong friend each in the States that we've rarely seen in the fifteen years since we expatriated. She and her girlfriend email one another describing their day every day, but I seldom hear from or contact my male counterpart.

Now, we have people that we meet with at the house for wine or bridge, or with whom we'll go out for a meal, or who invite one another to their parties, but these aren't people I would impose upon or expect much from.

Then again, we don't need anything from others. If we had to evacuate our home for say a tenting and fumigation, we'd stay at a hotel, not the home of our social contacts. If we need a ride to the airport, we hire a taxi, not impose on others.

This group of people deserve a name to distinguish them from the loose acquaintances that we only see at the bridge club, or in my wife's case, at any of the various other groups she belongs to like her garden club, her girlfriends learning ukulele along with her, and her painting club. Though they can form stronger relationships than just "Hello, how are you" - they'll chat about their lives and share tips on living here when together - she doesn't interact with them at other times.

They're not like the lifelong friends in the States nor the people we only say hello to like our neighbors. They're inbetween.

So, the bottom line is that we have acquaintances of various degrees with whom we do things, we have no friends in a deeper and more practical sense because unlike when we were children, we don't need an ingroup that we look forward to seeing outside of the house every day and upon whom our own sense of identity and place in the local social order depends.

I'm 70, and you're 26. At 26, I had made that transition from a posse of male friends to one special friend because I was married. I suppose your relationship does that for you. Even if you haven't met your soulmate yet, even if you cycle through a series of relationships for a while, each of those will likely be a substitute for a stable of people with whom you meet frequently as was the case before forming physically intimate bonds.
 
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Truthseeker

Non-debating member when I can help myself
As I said, it is a long story. Suffice to say we have reached an impasse.
She thinks he knows me and what I need to do and I disagree.
She thinks everything in my life can be explained by anxiety, but she is wrong.
She got too confident over time that she knew you precisely?
 
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